After the gorefest, Eric tosses an arm at Lafayette and burps blood all over himself. Hilariously, he asks, “Is there blood in my hair? This is bad – Pam’s going to kill me.” Lafayette wonders, “Who the fuck is Pam?” before thinking the better of it. Eric unlocks Lafayette’s collar and leads him upstairs to meet the lady herself, and also to find out what Lafayette knows. “I wouldn’t try anything if I were you,” he says, matter-of-factly, leading Lafayette up the stairs, “I’m still hungry.” Good opener, show. (Unfortunately, the rest of this episode doesn’t quite live up to it.)
At Bill’s house, Sookie is all afterglowy and giggly about their first “make up sex.” Bill wants to know how it compares to “thinking I was dead sex” … did Bill just make a joke? Weird, and a little funny even. They talk, about Jessica and how Bill should be easier on her and why Bill isn’t easier on her, and then they have sex again.
Surveying the wreck of Eric’s hair, Pam states: “This is a disaster – we’ll have to go much shorter than I had planned.” Exasperated, Eric says: “I said I was sorry.” Then the vamps turn their attention to their bloodied captive, Lafayette. They ask him what happened to the vampire he had his arrangement with – when they press him, Lafayette says that he thinks maybe Jason Stackhouse took him. Eric and Pam confer privately - speaking French? Russian? - thinking that Sookie’s brother might be entertaining. Then Eric asks if Lafayette has any V customers in the Dallas area; an associate of his, Godric, has gone missing and Eric is concerned. Lafayette gives them an email address and then Eric has his muscle vamp Jim (who awesomely is the fat coach from Glee!) drag the prisoner back down into the bloody, disgusting dungeon. Lafayette protests, to no avail.
On the bus to church camp, Jason makes a friend, Luke MacDonald, a big dumb kid who played a little college football before blowing out his knee and finding Jesus. Luke has worked for years and years to get to this leadership conference; he is a little nonplussed to find out that Jason didn’t even know about it until a few days ago. Still, he’s hopeful that some of Jason’s luck will rub off on him and suggests they bunk together.
At Marianne’s, Tara finds Eggs working in the garden. She likes him, she says, but she’s had so much terrible luck with men that she wants to get to know him before throwing herself all into this new thing. He is reluctant, but finally tells her that when Marianne found him he was homeless and broke, plus he spent some time in prison for drug dealing and possession, armed robbery and assault. Tara is nonplussed to hear all this but the fire in her loins is burning hot and she’s still tempted.
As Sookie pours herself a cup of coffee – and her hair is foolish, BTW, curly and big – she sees Jessica’s parents on the T.V., pleading for their daughter’s return. It makes her go, “Hm.”
Sarah Newlin, Reverend Steve’s wife, welcomes the church campers to the leadership conference as a little helper hands out real silver fellowship rings – silver so they can protect themselves if need be. Everyone is so earnest and giddy that it turns my stomach. The campers cheer and applaud and get ready to get their God on.
Marianne, having driven Tara to work, saunters into the bar and takes a seat in one of the booths. She grabs a menu, saying she’s heard the food is just marvelous. Sam gets in her face and tells her to stop fucking with him and get the hell out of his place. Marianne looks at him coolly and points out that since she forgave him that $100,000 debt (theft), the least he could do is let her buy herself some lunch. He backs off and asks what she wants. Marianne: “I will go with the stuffed snapper with the crawfish topping, the blackened rib eye, the fried catfish and, ooh, would it be possible to get the smothered pork chops for lunch even though they’re on the dinner entrees? Now, how are your …” Sam sighs.
Church camp game of capture-the-flag. Jason is a superstar and Luke soon becomes competitive, slamming him into the grass. That’s okay as that just gives Jason the opportunity to take his shirt off (awesome!) and wipe the field with him. Also, Sarah Newlin totally has the hots for Jason now. This will not end well, I predict.
Even though it’s her day off, Sookie swings by Merlotte’s and drags Tara off for a break. She tells her about her new vampire stepdaughter and then asks Tara to move in with her as she’s just rattling around that big ol’ house by herself. Tara doesn’t know what to do – living at Marianne’s is weird, but awfully cushy. Sookie’s hair is still foolish. As she leaves the bar to go to Bill’s, Marianne catches her. As the older woman blathers on, Sookie tries to read her mind but only gets snippets of Marianne chanting, possibly in Greek.
Back at the basement dungeon of Fangtasia, Lafayette remembers a story the redneck told him about breaking his hip and getting a metal replacement (that I didn’t recap because: too long) and then sets about digging the metal bits out of the squishy body parts bestrewn across the floor. The sound effects are extra gross but he manages to get the metal pin out and uses it to break the chain around his neck. So far, so good.
He tiptoes up the stairs and out into the bar. But the door to outside is locked and he can’t get out, plus that skinny skanky blonde bartender is there with a pistol, having been set on guard by Eric and Pam in case “the drag queen in the basement” tries to escape. Lafayette gets her nervous and riled up and she shoots him accidentally, smack in the thigh. This is obviously less good.
Church camp: some pop princess is singing some cloying pop song about saving herself for Jesus. Everybody hoots and hollers and praises the Lord. Afterwards, Reverend Steve says they’re going to do a little role-playing on how to deal with vampire sympathizers. He asks wifey Sarah to be the sympathizer and then picks Jason to be the “good guy.” Everyone hoots and hollers, except Luke who looks rather put out at all the attention his new buddy is getting.
When Sookie gets to Bill’s house, Jessica immediately tells her that she just saw her parents on T.V., and now understands why they never let her watch it in the first place; “It’s horrible.” Sookie asks where Bill is and Jessica tells her that he’s out, running some sort of errand, and she hates it here so much. She collapses on the couch, crying, saying that she thinks she misses her parents and her little sister. The two girls bond a little bit and then Jessica asks if Sookie would drive her to her house, just so she could peek in the windows and see her family. Sookie hesitates, then agrees to a drive-by – but they have to stop by her house first for new clothes for Jessica as she’s not taking her anywhere dressed like a whore dressed like a Catholic schoolgirl.
The errand Bill is running? He’s at the mall, trying to find some clothes for his “daughter.” A redhead wearing tiny clothes and big cleavage totally hits on him, even more so after she touches his arm and realizes he’s a vampire. Then Eric – sporting a fabulous short new haircut and unfortunately wearing a tracksuit – comes up. The redhead watches their interaction and immediately decides they’re gay. Eric just cocks an eyebrow at her as she totters off on her stiletto heels.
Church camp role-playing. Jason is holding his own until Sarah sneaks a set of plastic vampire teeth into her mouth and hisses at him. He fuh-reaks, grabbing an American flag, snapping the flagpole and lunging at her. She falls back, terrified and panting, and he arrests himself just in time … but then has a flashback of Amy staking the vampire they kidnapped. He staggers back, apologizing, and stumbles off the stage as everyone in the audience (except Luke, who looks murderous) applauds. Reverend Steve, impressed with the enthusiasm, asks Sarah if she’s okay. She is, and she watches Jason walk off like he’s a cupcake and she hasn’t eaten all day.
Terry is fuh-reaking out at the bar’s kitchen because the joint is jumping and he hasn’t been able to take a break. Arlene feels sorry for him and takes over at the stove for a while, sending the new waitress to take the order out to table 4. Terry notes that most of the orders are going to table 4 – what’s going on out there? It’s Marianne, starting to work whatever mojo it is she works when she eats. What is she? A goddess? An incarnation of Dionysus? A demigod? A sorceress like Circe? She gets up and starts to gyrate on the dance floor, and the mojo flows out from her to all the other patrons. Soon everyone is dancing, grinding, making out in the booths.
Back at the mall, Eric tells Bill that he’d like to take Sookie with him to Dallas to find the missing Godric. Bill says no. Eric points out that he’s only asking permission out of respect; if he wants her, he can just take her. Bill is adamant and Eric stalks off, muttering, “Poorly played, Bill.”
Sookie pulls up across the street from Jessica’s house. The moment the young vampire sees her sister in the window she is out of the car and pounding on the door. Her mom comes out and is overjoyed to see her daughter. Jessica’s sister runs to call her father to tells him that Jessica is home, and Jessica manages to get her mom to invite her inside. Sookie’s got a bad feeling about this.
At Merlotte’s there’s a near-on orgy going on, people stealing beer from the taps, screwing on the pool table, dry humping on the dance floor. Marianne is in the middle of it all, either feeding on the energy or exuding it. Some of the ecstatic women’s eyes turn solid black.
Church camp: Luke catches Jason as the latter is flossing his teeth, blessedly shirtless. Luke spits that Jason must think he walks on water. Jason: “I’m pretty sure that was Moses.” Aw, don’t ever change, Jason. Luke corrects him and then demands to know WTF he was doing, snapping the flag in half “like you was some Muslim Buffy with a dick!” That may be the best line of the night. Luke snarls that tomorrow will belong to him and stomps off in a huff. Jason shakes his head – and more flashbacks seep in, of him being kind to the kidnapped vamp.
Sam drags Marianne back into his office and demands to know what the fuck is going on. She decides to feel threatened by his shouting and starts to flicker in and out, as she does. Sam backs away, pleading with her to stop it: “You can’t!” And then there’s a whine. Marianne kneels down in front of Sam-the-dog. She says: “Abracadabra, Sam. What I just did to you I can do anytime, anywhere. So unless you want your customers to know your little secret you better think twice before you threaten me ever again.” Sam-the-dog looks nervous.
Things get a little tense at Jessica’s house when her dad comes home. At first he hugs her, but it doesn’t take long for him to start yelling at her. She has had enough and pushes him off. “Go ahead and get your belt, Daddy,” she says as her fangs pop out. “This time I’ll be ready for you.”
When Lafayette regains consciousness, he’s on the couch in Eric’s office. Eric, Pam and Jim the bodyguard are watching him. They debate whether they should let him bleed out through the bullet wound or whether they should kill him. Lafayette has another plan: Eric should turn him into a vampire – “I’m already a person of poor moral character so I’ll hit the ground runnin’” – and he’ll work for them. They say they’ll take it under advisement … but first, chow time. Pam gets his throat, Eric a wrist and Jim muckles onto a leg vein. Lafayette screams and screams.
Apparently Jessica’s parents abused her and she’s gonna end it, right here right now. She shoves her father up against the wall and prepares to drain him. Then the front door bursts inward and a Very Angry Bill is there. He commands Jessica, as her maker, to step away from her father, then he glamours the little sister into inviting him into the house. She does and he comes in, tossing Jessica to one side. He grabs Sookie and throws her out of the house, yelling that this is all her fault. She runs off, frightened. Bill stares long and hard at Jessica, and then turns his attention to her father. He growls.
Okay: I’m not a huge Bill fan but dang, he is scary when he wants to be. Nice - can’t wait to see what’s next.
Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood
6 hours ago