I cannot tell you how glad I am to be back in Bon Temps! And there's a lot going on in this Season 3 opener, as the show tries to remind us of where we left off and reintroduce us to everyone. So let's dive in, shall we?
Sookie runs screaming out of the restaurant, shrieking for Bill. Sam drives through the night to Magnolia, Arkansas, heading for the address of his birth parents. Jason rushes home from Merlotte's, panicked from shooting Eggs, and heads straight for his fridge full of beer. Tara crouches at dead Eggs's side, sobbing as Andy Bellefleur covers the body with a sheet. Jessica has brought her snacked-upon trucker home with her but is surprised to find the bouquet of flowers Hoyt left for her on the porch. Bill has been kidnapped by four really sketchy looking, leather-wearing rednecks who introduce themselves as "the Fuck-You Crew." Then they poke at him with knifes and Bill screams us into the opening credits.
Deputy Kenya interviews Sookie. She is more than a little skeptical that the vampire has been kidnapped - perhaps he just ran off after Sookie rejected his marriage proposal. She tells a frustrated Sookie that they have to wait 48 hours before filing a missing persons report.
At Merlotte's, Sheriff Bud is taking witness statements. Andy watches nervously, waiting for his turn since it was his idea to say he shot Eggs, to protect Jason Stackhouse. Arlene yammers on and on and Tara snaps at her to stop sucking up to the sheriff. "Oh shit," groans Lafayette, watching his cousin ramp herself up. Arlene tries to pacify Tara: "I know you feel bad falling in love with a serial killer ... but seriously, who here hasn't?" Heh. Tara screams that Eggs wasn't a serial killer and lunges towards the tiny redhead, so Lafayette grabs her and tells the sheriff that he's taking Tara to Sookie's house, "and we're also taking this here tequila, but I doubt that'd surprise any of y'all."
At Bill's house, Jessica has fed off her trucker too much. She hears a car pull up outside - "Fuck!" - and stashes him in the crawlspace where she sleeps. Sookie comes bursting into the house, looking for Bill. She asks Jessica to call her and tell her if Bill comes home, even if he commands her not to. "Uh, you know I can't do that," quavers Jessica but Sookie insists and flounces out. Jessica: "Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit!" She is rapidly becoming one of my favorite characters, y'all. She checks on her trucker who seems to have expired in the meantime, or is at least close to it, so she desperately tries to feed him her own blood to turn him.
The Fuck-You Crew are rapidly draining Bill of his own blood, getting higher than high off the rush. Bill doesn't look too good and points out that if their boss wants him alive, they'd better slow up or they'll kill him.
Andy swings by Jason's house and tells him that he has to stick to the plan and act normal, which means that he needs to get out there and get a whole bunch of tail, because that's normal for Jason: "Conscience off; dick on!" That's an excellent t-shirt slogan, don't you think?
Sookie's next stop on the find-Bill tour is Fangtasia. When she demands to see Erik immediately, a smirking Pam leads her to the basement where our first glimpse of him is nekkid, from behind, banging the bejeezus out of the club's new dancer. He saunters up to Sookie and she makes a point of not checking him out. She wants to know where Lorena is, thinking that if Erik doesn't have Bill, Lorena probably does. Erik sighs, agreeing to search for Bill since he's duty-bound to help vamps in his jurisdiction as the sheriff. Later, after Sookie has gone, Erik starts to get stressed out. Pam thinks he should call Queen Sophie Ann and tell her about Bill's disappearance. Erik thinks that is a particularly bad idea since the Queen will not be happy that the one vampire that can link her with the sale of V in Louisiana has gone missing. Pam's all, fine, whatever.
Bill has decided to take matters into his own hands, snapping the neck of the driver so that the car crashes, rolling several times. The vampire pulls himself out of the wreckage; other than the dead driver, there don't seem to be any other bodies. That's curious. As Bill staggers into the underbrush, he calls Jessica - which wakes her up, but she doesn't realize what just happened and just stares glumly at the still-dead trucker next to her.
Sookie goes home next, where Tara and Lafayette are indulging in tequila and painkillers. They tell her what happened to Eggs and Sookie relays how he had come to her, asking for help remembering what he did under Maryann's control. Tara is furious - "You signed his death warrant!" - and takes a swing at her best friend. Lafayette drags her off and then drags her out, apologizing to a gobsmacked Sookie.
Sam is moping around his motel room when there's a knock at the door. It's a shirtless and dirty Bill, who asks if he can use Sam's shower and borrow a shirt. Sam's all, I didn't really pack anything but I'll give you this one, and when he takes the shirt off, Bill nods appreciatively, breathing, "Nice." Sam blushes and Bill asks if he'd care to join him in the shower (yes, Sam thinks he would) as he's heard that Arkansas water is very hard. They lean in towards each other - squee! - and then Sam's phone rings, waking him up. DAMN! The woman on the other end of the line apologizes for waking him but Sam mutters that he's really glad she did. She has information on the Mickens family he's looking for: seems they own a garage on the far side of town.
Jason and Hoyt work their roadcrew job. Hoyt beats around the bush and finally asks Jason if he can crash with him for a while since Maxine tossed him out. Aw, roomies! On the other side of town, Lafayette has gotten Lettie Mae to come over to watch Tara while he goes to work, since Tara "ain't right to be alone right now." Lettie Mae has Reverend Daniels come by to preach at/talk to Tara, but from the look on Tara's face, I don't really think it's sinking in. Sookie stops by the sheriff's office to ask for his help in finding Bill but Sheriff Bud already has human bodies stacking up like firewood and can't waste the department's limited resources looking for vampires. Sookie gets all self-righteous and flounces out. She does a lot of that, flouncing.
Sam goes to the garage but the kid working there says his name isn't Mickens - that guy left town months ago. Sam doesn't believe him but doesn't press the issue, instead leaving his full name and taking his leave. That night, after the garage closes, Sam follows the kid home. He checks the mail in the mailbox: Mickens.
When Jessica wakes up that evening, she gags from the smell from the dead guy lying next to her. She runs to get the phone - it's Hoyt, calling from Merlotte's to say he misses her. She's happy to hear from him but distractedly says she can't talk right now and hangs up on him. Hoyt goes back to the booth where Jason is entertaining a couple of roadtripping twins from New York State. Without breaking a sweat, he manages to get both girls back to his place. Hoyt isn't sure he's up for it, what with missing Jessica and all, but Jason isn't having any of that: "Hoyt, if we're gonna be roommates, there's a certain amount of pussy overflow you're gonna have to be dealin' with." Ha!
As soon as it's dark again, Bill digs himself out from the patch of dirt he was sleeping in. He looks rough and in need of blood. He finds a house with a lonely old lady inside. She invites him in and he feeds. Later, she is still alive and he glamours her, giving her money that he says is from her son and telling her that he was never here. He also thanks her for her hospitality, because he's a polite vampire.
The Queen and the Magister arrive at Fangtasia and toss everyone out of the club so they can talk with Erik. The Magister is investigating the rampant sale of V in Louisiana. He believes that a vampire must be responsible for dealing the drug. Erik promises to look into it. The Magister departs, leaving Erik and Sophie Ann to rehash. Erik doesn't think the Magister believed them so the Queen commands him to sell their entire supply of V - at half price, if he needs to - as soon as possible since she needs the cash. He tells her that Bill is missing but she doesn't care. She just wants the money - the IRS is leaning on her.
Pam runs errands: delivering the $10,000 to Sookie that Erik owed her for helping him find Godric. While she's at Sookie's house, she gets a call from Erik, which makes her come over all shivery. Sookie's all, hmm, can Bill call Jessica like that? Pam heads to Merlotte's next where she gets wicked scary as she instructs Lafayette to sell every last bit of V by tomorrow.
Sookie goes back to Bill and Jessica's and asks her if Bill has called. Jessica's like, oh yeah, that must have been what happened last night, and I sort of felt a location when it happened. Sookie tosses her the car keys and says let's go.
The reverend finally leaves Lafayette's and Tara tells her mother that she's going to take a shower. She locks the door and starts to choke down a bottle of painkillers. When Lafayette comes home, nearly concurrently, he yells at Lettie Mae for leaving Tara alone and pounds on the bathroom door.
Things aren't going so well at the Stackhouse/Fortenberry bachelor pad: Hoyt is moping about Jessica and Jason can't get it up for the twins because every time he looks at them, he sees bullet holes in their foreheads, just like poor ol' Eggs. The girls get freaked out and leave. From the other room, Hoyt calls, "Y'all leavin'? Really nice meetin' y'all!"
Jessica has found Bill's car, upside down in the ditch: "I am a freak of fuckin' nature." They drag the remaining body out of the wreckage, noting a tattoo on the man's neck. Jessica does a quick online search at runes.com and says it's got something to do with "Operation Werewulf." Sookie: "Werewolves?"
Bill runs through the Mississippi woods (the old lady told him he was in Mississippi). He stops, surrounded by a pack of slavering wolves. One of them approaches, eyes a-glow. Bill drawls, "I should warn you - I've fed." The werewolf growls nastily and Bill's fangs pop out. He's ready for a fight.
Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood
27 minutes ago