Bill has never been my favorite True Blood character and the religious conversion he's experienced this season has done nothing to redeem him. So when the penultimate episode of S5 starts off with Bill wandering through Authority HQ, hearing Lilith intoning his name and telling him that she chooses him to lead - drink all my blood! - I'm all, meh. For a while I was thinking that he was playing a long con but now I'm pretty sure that he's a religious nut. And not even the interesting kind.
Nora, on the other hand, is having second thoughts in the aftermath of Vision Lilith having ripped Vision Godric's throat out. She hides her misgivings from Salome, however. Meanwhile, Jessica has had enough of this nonsense and wants to go home to protect Jason (and Sookie) from Russell and Steve Newlin. Bill blah blah blah humans are trivial and Lilith says we should convert or eat them. Jessica thinks of a way out, suggesting that she go back to Bon Temps to change Jason into a vampire. Bill calls her bluff and sends her there to do just that, chaperoned by a couple of Authority thugs to make sure she goes through with it. Also meanwhile, Eric frets about the Lilith/Godric vision until Nora shows up and then they console each other with sex. It seems a bit gratuitous and pointless but there hasn't been much sex this season, so I'll allow it. They also make plans to escape.
Later that evening, some human General Muckety-muck of the U.S. military comes to the Authority for a meeting. He's all, WTF are you goddamn crazy-ass bloodsuckers going? The U.S. goverment has weaponry you can't imagine that will wipe you vamps off the planet if you don't get back in line and get with the mainstreaming. They're all, we're a sanguinist administration now, so get used to it. The general: we own the day and you vampires don't stand a fucking chance. So Eric jumps up and snaps the general's neck. The chancellors freak out a bit until Eric and Nora volunteer to go topside and do a glamouring campaign/damage control.
Back in Bon Temps, Jason finds Jessica and the vampire thugs waiting for him at his house. She tries to shake her chaperones, but they won't budge; she tries to get Jason to read between the lines and trust her, but Jason is so damn dim that he's not picking up what she's laying down. So she whispers, "Trust me!" and then bites him. Later, as the thugs shovel dirt over Jess and Jason, she has managed to convey enough of the plan to him that he is able to jump up and shoot both thugs, turning them both to slush. She tells him about Russell Edgington and Steve Newlin being on the loose and he takes off, saying that he's got to go warn Sookie.
Over at Fangtasia, Pam and Tara have cleaned up the remains of Sheriff Elijah. Pam is panicking a little about the Authority coming down on them for this. Jessica shows up, bloodstained tears tracking down her face and asking to be hidden from Bill's thugs. Pam is reluctant until Jessica mentions that she knows where Eric is. (Currently, he and Nora are ditching (staking) their Authority security detail and running away.) Jessica tells Pam and Tara about the situation in the Authority. Pam says that Bill's weird behavior is due to vampire nesting: too many vampires in too close quarters. When she stomps off, annoyed at having to hang out with baby vamps, Jessica asks Tara if she has a thing for Pam and Tara is all, no! never! Jessica apologizes, saying that she is just trying to be friends because she likes Tara. Tara sniffs that maybe she'll bring her a fangbanger later. When Tara goes upstairs, Chancellor Roslyn is there. The sheriff was her progeny and she's looking for his murderer. She focuses in on Tara but Pam steps up, saying she killed the little asshole because he annoyed her. Roslyn arrests Pam to take her back to the Authority and, on the way out of the club, sniffs out the hiding Jessica and grabs her too, saying, "Your daddy is looking for you."
Sookie, who has been hanging out at the fairy nightclub, is introduced to the Elder (Wallace Phennell's mom from Veronica Mars!), who is weird and flaky because she's so old and has too much stuffed in her brain. She's a bit annoying, actually, but she looks pretty. All she manages to tell Sookie is that she and Warlow are inextricably connected and a dark time is coming so Sookie should hold onto her light. Jason shows up and fills Sookie and the fairies in: Russell and Steve are on the hunt and Bill (and Eric) are religious nuts and won't be coming to save her. The Elder freaks out when he says that Russell is still alive. Sookie tries to rally the troops, saying that they need to fight back against Russell. Unexpectedly, the Elder agrees: they, the fairy tribe of Bon Temps will join Sookie in battle.
On the other side of town/storylines I don't care about, Holly makes her rude sons apologize to Andy for being jerks to him and he in turn promises that he is going to do right by their momma. A little later, the fairy Mirella who Andy hooked up with a week or so ago shows up at Merlotte's: she is super-pregnant and the baby is Andy's - apparently fairy pregnancies are rather different than human pregnancies - she's expecting him to do right by her and protect her in the coming battle against the vampires. In other news, a shirtless Alcide is putting a silver-plated fence up around his daddy's trailer to keep the rampaging packs of new baby vamps out. I have to think that a silver-plated fence is awfully expensive. That night, three baby vamps do show up. The fence keeps them out but then they go over to the neighboring trailer, who doesn't have a fancy fence. Alcide goes out and tangles with them and between him and his dad, they manage to kill off all the baby vamps.
Back at the Authority, Sam and Luna have been roaming the corridors as mice and finally find Emma, in puppy form, in the cells. They shift back to human form to try to get her out but guards come in to fetch "Chancellor Compton" his breakfast. (Chancellor Compton meanwhile is upstairs killing off Chancellor Doctore (Peter Mensah, but I can't be bothered to remember his name)). Sam, upon hearing Bill's name, volunteers as breakfast. As he is led out of the cells, Pam is being let in. They both do double takes at each other: "What the fuck are you doing here?" Sam calls out that she should help Luna. Pam, increasingly annoyed: "Who the fuck is Luna?" Jessica is sent in to Bill who is rather furious with her: he punches her across the room, snarling that he is the chosen one. Of course, a couple of rooms away, Lilith is telling Salome that she choose her to lead.
That night, Russell and Steve find Jason at Sookie's farmhouse. Russell immediately glamours him and he leads them right to the field where the fairies are hiding. Russell, to Steve: Who know how to show you a good time? Steve: You do! When they get to the field, both Russell and Steve get all giddy and drooling over the delicious fairy smell saturating the place. The fairies hide out in their sanctuary, scared. The Elder comes out and when Steve rushes her, she zaps him across the field. But when she tries the same with Russell, he is just too strong and he muckles onto her neck, draining her dry. Now he's nearly drunk on her blood and it allows him to see the fairy sanctuary. "Oh," he moans, staring at the frightened fairies, "I would LOVE to come to dinner!"
Well, what do you know? Finally, 10.5 episodes into S5, things start to get fun.
Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood
PS - Anyone else got their hopes up for American Horror Story: Freak Show? I do!
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