The Walking Dead S8E15 "Worth" 4/8/18

At long last, really and truly, the LAST nearly-real time recap of The Walking Dead.  Mr. Mouse returned our cable box to Comcast and - amazingly - got no push-back when he said he wanted to drop cable and keep internet only.  We got a new modem and our bill will be cut in half.  (My only concern now is that the speed goes down too, so we'll just have to see how it goes.)  I did manage to watch S8E14 last night and take notes so here's a sparse recap; it was a lot of talking anyway.  Sorry, friends, but you're on your own for next Sunday's season finale.

OMG we start with a VERY earnest Carl voice-over: Rick reads the letter his son wrote him and Chandler Riggs gets VO duty.  Also, Michonne steals Carl's letter to Negan because Rick doesn't look to be delivering it anytime soon.

In other locations: Over at the Sanctuary, where (almost) everyone thinks Negan is gone, Gregory sucks up to Simon who is presuming to take over the place.  One person who now knows Negan is back is Dwight, because Negan surreptitiously seeks him out to elicit a confirmation of loyalty. At Oceanside, Aaron is still lurking in the woods, slowly starving/dehydrating to death, trying to avoid walkers and convince the Oceanside women to join the fight.  (They aren't interested.)  At Eugene's bullet-making outpost, Eugene is lackadaisical about meeting bullet quotas but he's adamant about the cooks serving up garlic-sardine mac-n-cheese, which he says sustained him all through his college years.  Also, Gabriel, still sick, is intentionally making bad bullets.  When faced with reprisals, Gabriel: "I don't want to help you but I still fear death" and he's sad to think that he hasn't changed into a better person than when he locked his parishioners out of his church to certain zombie death.

When Negan makes his presence known to the Sanctuary at large, Simon tries to justify his disobedience with respect to the exterminate vs. infect attack on Hilltop.  And we learn that Simon is also responsible for having killed all the Oceanside men and boys (which is something I think we should have been told sooner?).  Negan says he forgives him and announces a new plan, with maps: they're going to set up small stations all around Hilltop and pick off its denizens with snipers whenever someone shows their face.  They'll win the war by attrition rather than all-out assault.

Dwight is now playing a very dangerous triple agent game: he tells Simon he supports him against Negan; he tells Negan he is loyal to him; and he copies the attack map in order to get it to Rick and Maggie so they can defend themselves.  At this point, both Simon and Negan appear to believe Dwight's respective stories but I have a feeling Negan is just playing with him.

Meanwhile, Daryl and Rosita kidnap Eugene from his outpost.  He fears they will kill him but instead they promise to stick him in a dark hole and keep using him for his clever brain.  They are seething with disgust and anger towards him.  They're pretty bad at this kidnapping thing though: during a walker encounter that keeps Daryl's attention, Eugene manages to escape by self-induced vomiting all over Rosita (remember the garlic and sardine mac-n-cheese? SO GROSS).  When she recoils in disgust, he manages to get away.  I don't know how - I thought Daryl was a super-tracker and there's no way Eugene moves quickly.  Whatever.

By the way, we still don't know who Negan's hitchhiker was, do we?

During Simon's "let's plan a rebellion against Negan" meeting, Dwight betrays Simon to the big man.  Negan loyalists shoot all the conspirators (except Dwight and, for some reason, Gregory) but Negan wants to battle it out with Simon in a bare fist battle.  It's Thunderdome time!  Despite Simon starting things off with a sucker punch, Negan beats him down and finally throttles the life out of his former right-hand man.  During the fight, while everyone appears to be distracted, Dwight hands Gregory the annotated map, hands him some keys and sends him off to Hilltop to warn Rick and Maggie. 

After choking Simon (and the nascent rebellion) to death, Negan promotes Dwight to be his #2 guy.  But it was all a ploy because when Negan walks Dwight back to Dwight's quarters, the hitchhiker / Lauren / the girl on Dwight's attack team whom we all thought Dwight killed when he shot the rest of the team is there and she has brought everyone up to speed on Dwight's duplicity.  By the way, smirks Negan, that "plan" I came up with is a fake and you've delivered that bad intel to Rick just as I wanted you to.  And now Negan has "plans" for Dwight - which are undoubtedly even worse than stealing his wife and ironing his face.

Eugene makes it back to his outpost and orders everyone to up bullet production.  Even Gabriel is conscripted to work.

Outside the Sanctuary, dead Simon has become one of the fence-zombies.  He's very bite-y.

Michonne has come within walkie-talkie range of the Sanctuary.  She calls Negan and reads him the letter Carl wrote to him:  "The way out is working together.  It's forgiveness."  But Negan has had enough: "[I'm going to be] killing every last one of you.  That is [the way out].  Rick started this."  And then he crushes his walkie underfoot, ostensibly to keep her from contacting him again but jeez, for someone who is so concerned about resources, couldn't he have just changed the channel?

And next Sunday is the season finale:  will anyone important die?  I guess Morgan is getting out of dodge and moving over to Fear the Walking Dead.  Good luck to him.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E14 "Still Gotta Mean Something" 4/1/18

Quick flashback as we see Jadis playing dead to escape the Saviors' massacre of her Scavenger clan.  Later, on her own, she regroups in the cargo container she lives in - which is outfitted to look like an Ikea catalog.  We don't have to see the Rick and Michonne interlude again but we jump right ahead to where she's captured Negan.  She's taken him back to the dump and tied him to a wheeled dolly.  With Lucille slung over her shoulder, and Negan protesting, "What the shit?!?" she drags him out into the center of the dump.

At Hilltop, Ezekiel tries to get Carol to come with him to search for Henry.  When she refuses, he calls her a coward.  He doesn't know that children are her soft spot.  Later, however, when she sees Morgan acting twitchy and making to head out into the woods, she says she'll go with him.  Meanwhile, Tara has figured out that she is not infected, that Dwight shot her with a clean arrow.  Daryl's all still, nope, he sucks.  Tara tells him that he should do what he's got to do, but she's no longer on board with killing Dwight since he's now saved her life twice, despite the fact that he killed her girlfriend.  Also, Rick finds Michonne crying over the letter Carl wrote to her.  He still hasn't read the one his son wrote him and is too busy bottling up his grief to do so.  He says that he's going out to search for food.  But she insists that he sit down and read it right now: "[Writing that for you] was one of the last things [Carl] ever did."  But Rick still heads out of the compound.  On his way out, one of the reformed Saviors asks him to please maybe not kill all the Saviors he finds out there - they may have made a poor decision in the heat of the moment and maybe he could bring them back to be a part of this community.  Rick's all, yeah, I could do that.  Also, Maggie, Rosita and Daryl discuss the low ammunition situation.  Rosita's like FUCK the Saviors have Eugene and he can make them more bullets.  She and Daryl head out to do some recon.

Back at the dump, Jadis is setting up a bonfire for some reason.  Negan is actually talking some sense for once and he says that he didn't order the slaughter of her people.  "This was my mistake.  I'll own this ... I am sorry for this ... I am sorry that you lost all you had."  He actually sounds sincere.  Jadis isn't ready to buy what he's selling right now though.

Carol and Morgan think they're on Henry's trail.  Morgan starts seeing things again and freaks out.  Carol sticks with him but then they come to a crossroads.  She wants to go one way, away from the herd of walkers up ahead, but Morgan - raving that he never dies/everyone else dies - wants to go straight on, through the herd.  Despite wanting to keep an eye on Morgan, Carol has to go her own way.  They split up.

At this point in the dump, I get a little confused.  Jadis goes off, leaving Negan alone to inch his way to a flare and a gun she left behind.  She comes back with a zombie fastened to another dolly for some reason (and I never quite figured out what the point of that zombie was).  She and Negan have a bit of a standoff when he threatens to burn some photographs she has with that flare.  They have a moment of connection, when Negan tells her that Lucille was his wife before the apocalypse and he named that bat after her.  Then they struggle and she gets the gun and the flare away from him.  But the flare rolls into a puddle and fizzles out, just as the alarm on Jadis's wristwatch goes off and a HELICOPTER appears and hovers overhead.  As Negan is all, WTF?, Jadis cries out "I'm here! I'm here!" and waves her arms futilely.  The helicopter flies off and Jadis collapses.  Negan's all, I have no idea what is going on here but I promise you, I can settle this - I can make this right.

Rick finds Morgan, half unhinged out in the woods.  They realize that they are both out there to deal with "them," meaning the Saviors.  "Let's finish it," growls Rick.  Then the Saviors sneak up on them and capture them.  When Rick comes to, he and Morgan are tied up in a warehouse while the group of escaped Saviors argue about what to do.  Jared (the skinny long-haired asshole) is all, we're going back to the Sanctuary and delivering Rick to Negan.  Then Rick speaks up, saying that he and Morgan can bring them all back to Hilltop for reintegration there - but the Saviors need to untie them ASAP because a herd of zombies is coming.  The Saviors argue some more, many of them leaning towards going back to the Hilltop, until the herd swarms the warehouse.  The Saviors release Rick and Morgan so everyone can fight walkers; one of the Saviors even saves Rick from an approaching zombie he doesn't see.  And then.

And then Rick starts shooting the Saviors in the back and chopping into their necks with his hatchet.  Morgan follows suit and they kill the men along with the walkers.  Jared scurries away and Morgan gives chase.  They struggle and then Morgan traps Jared against a metal gate, holding him in place until the walkers eat the guy alive.  Morgan rejoins Rick and they survey the carnage, human and zombie alike.  One Savior is just barely alive and manages to gasp out something along the lines of, "You said we could have lived."  Rick, now completely morally bankrupt in his grief over Carl, just DNGAF: "I lied" and shoots the guy in the head.  Damn.  That's cold, this new Rick.  And, frankly, he's the most interesting he's been in seasons of this show.  Morgan is continuing on his journey to crazytown and, when Rick asks him why he saved Rick way back in S1, Morgan replies, "Because my son was there."  So the parallels are laid right out for us: both Morgan and Rick have lost their minds and their humanity because it was their sons who were keeping them together.

Jadis lets Negan go.  Before he leaves, he asks her about the helicopter but she's not offering up any answers.  He tells her that he'll come by again to see her.  She shrugs and goes back to her Ikea hideaway.

In the "I so don't care about this," after dark Carol manages to find Henry and save him from three zombies who have him cornered.  He hugs and they both cry.  He tells her he's sorry; she tells him that it's okay and that she's the one who's sorry because she was wrong, he is in fact able to survive.  They go back to Hilltop and Ezekiel meets them at the gate, pulling Henry into an embrace and giving Carol a meaningful look.  Then Rick and Morgan return to Hilltop.  Morgan tells Henry that he killed the man who killed Henry's brother.  Henry pats Morgan on the arm and says he's sorry.  This confuses half-crazy Morgan and he wanders off.

On his way back to the Sanctuary, Negan pulls over (where'd he get the car? is it Jadis's?) to pick someone up.  We don't get to see who it is.  When they get back to the Sanctuary, Negan instructs the sentries not to say anything about his return.  He's got some surprises to inflict upon those who disobeyed him.

Also, Rosita and Daryl's scouting trip confirms that Eugene is in fact manufacturing bullets for the Saviors.  They discuss how to put him out of business.  Rosita:  "We don't need to take out the machines.  We take out the man."

Finally, still damp from his bath, Rick sits down to read the letter Carl wrote him.

Seriously though: WHY WILL NO ONE KILL NEGAN WHEN THEY HAVE THE CHANCE? Ugh.

Previously on The Walking Dead 

Next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E13 "Do Not Send Us Astray" 3/25/18

Did anyone watch The Terror?  I didn't although that episode was appended onto the TWD episode in our DVR and before I realized that, I was quite terrified to think that I was going to have to recap a full two hour episode.  Thank goodness for small favors.

So, Morgan is seeing things: Gavin (is that his name?), the dude who Henry killed with a spear through the neck, haunts Morgan, saying ominous things.  So there's that.

The battle between the Hilltop and the Saviors, this time led by Simon, begins. Maggie's got a pretty good plan and it works pretty well to start.  Lookouts warn the Hilltop of the approach.  The Saviors don't show up until after dark and thus fail to see the spike strips laid out, slashing their tires.  Daryl rides through them on his motorcycle, guns a-blaze.  The Hilltop opens their gates to allow him in and the Saviors, sensing an opportunity, rush in.  But Maggie is ready for them and blocks their ingress with the school bus, and then the Hilltop jumps up, surrounding the Saviors on all sides, and lets loose with the guns.

As the Saviors start to advance, the Hilltop retreats, shutting down all lights.  The Saviors press their advantage and then the lights flood on and another wave of gunfire and arrow warfare ensues.  There's casualties on both sides but the Hilltoppers don't know about the sneaky trick with the zombie-blood-soaked weapons.  Simon, dragging Dwight along with him, almost shoots an unsuspecting Tara in the back but Dwight tags her with an arrow instead, not enough to wound her seriously but enough to make Simon turn his attention elsewhere.  It is my opinion that Dwight did not soak his arrows in infected zombie junk as he was so horrified by Simon's suggestion to do so.  I guess we'll see.

Finally, Simon either realizes that he's not going to actively kill all the Hilltop OR it's part of his plan, to have infected enough Hilltoppers to do the damage from the inside.  The remaining Saviors retreat to lick their wounds and/or gloat.  Both Maggie and Rick are somewhat put out that Negan was not in the attack group.  The Hilltop starts to tend to the wounded, putting things to right.  Rick is pretty much mute in the aftermath of the fight, grief over Carl making its way back in.

That night, stupid Henry - whom I dislike just about as much if not more than I ever disliked Carl as a little kid - steals a semiautomatic rifle and goes out to the pen where Maggie is keeping the Savior prisoners.  He wants to know which one of them killed his brother.  He's gonna fuck this up for sure, poor dumb kid.

Meanwhile, in the house, the wounded Hilltoppers are succumbing to the zombie infection in record time.  No, seriously.  While it took Carl more than a day to die from an actual walker bite, these people are turning zombie in a couple of hours - the show even provides us with shots of a clock so we can see the time.  It is stupid carnage: no one hears any screams or growls at first, even though a whole bunch of people are sleeping in a pile in the middle of the floor; no one hears a zombie falling down the staircase.  The zombies manage to kill off a lot of nameless, faceless (and now throatless) Hilltoppers before the main characters - Rick, Michonne, Morgan, Carol, Daryl, etc. - figure shit out and put down all the walkers.

Afterwards, they stand around and are all, WTF?  Most of those turned weren't mortally wounded.  Rick remembers that when he fought Negan, Lucille (the barbed wire baseball bat) was soaked in gore and they all put it together, that these motherfucking Saviors infected their wounded on purpose.  Then Daryl's like, OMG Tara.  They all go to the upstairs bedroom where Rosita and Tara are defending some children or wounded people.  Everyone brings Tara up to speed and they all have sad faces.  I reiterate my belief that Dwight didn't infect his arrows.  Since Tara doesn't look sick at all - and since all the other wounded Hilltoppers turned so quickly - here's hoping she doesn't commit preemptive suicide before they figure out that Dwight is still on their side.

Oh, and Henry did indeed fuck things up.  He unlocks the pen and goes in to start shooting Saviors, but then a zombie shows up and starts chewing on people, and the Savior prisoners break out of the pen.  Some of them leave Hilltop entirely, heading back to the Sanctuary.  A few others decide to stay and cast their lot with the good guys.  Which is good, I guess, because the good guy population just took a pretty big hit.  Hey! On the plus side, there are fewer mouths to feed now!

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E12 "The Key" 3/18/18

Holy moly - here I am, back again.  I promise that it's not a mouse who cried wolf with respect to the cable cutting ... just not yet.  And another plus: this episode was only half bad (Rick and Negan, Daryl's neutering (metaphorically speaking) and the crappy writing for Michonne, Maggie et als).

As Negan smirks, Dwight frets and Simon looks disapproving, the Saviors goop up their weapons and prepare to attack the Hilltop.  Negan is holding firm to his plan to gross out/infect the Hilltoppers rather than just massacre them all.  A caravan heads out with the goopy weapons, Simon and Dwight driving one truck, and Negan pulling up the rear in a sedan, Lucille marinating in a bucket of walker guts on the seat beside him.  The whole gooping up scene is all sorts of gross.

The good guys all reconvene at the Hilltop.  Maggie, Enid and Michonne are a bit at odds with Enid  sad about Carl and being all, KILL THEM ALL, and Michonne sad about Carl and being all, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING MORE.  Boring.  The Hilltoppers know that the Saviors are coming to retaliate for the Sanctuary being shot up, so they set up a series of look-outs.  Daryl checks in with Rick before they head out and whereas Daryl used to be a rough, gruff, scruffy anti-hero type, now he's all, "Are you okay?" and "It's sad that some people are gone when others are here."  Look, I love me some Daryl but ugh.  Can he and Carol just go hang out and be badasses together?

After the look-outs are in place, Rick spies the goo-caravan en route.  He makes to contact the next look-out as planned and then stops cold because he recognizes that Negan is alone in the last car.  Instead of sticking with the plan, Rick jumps into his SUV and ambushes the Savior caravan, broadsiding Negan's car.  There's a bit of a car chase so as to separate Negan-and-Rick from the rest of the Saviors and then there's a car crash.  When Negan climbs out of his wrecked car, clutching Lucille, Rick shoots at him.  As has been said before, for someone who can put a walker down at 50 yards with a pistol, Rick is a crap shot with an actual semiautomatic rifle.  Negan flees into a warehouse.  And here is where I just began to fast-forward through all the Rick vs. Negan scenes.  They stalk each other, fall through rotting floors, dodge zombies and shout at each other about their various points of view.  They each take turns bludgeoning each other and zombies with Lucille, who at one point catches fire - and then the zombies catch fire, which is kind of cool.  In the end it is all for naught, though, as Negan gets away.

While all this is going on, Simon has halted the Savior caravan in the middle of town.  He instructs the rabble to stay put while he and Dwight go see if they can find Negan.  Simon has been testing the waters with Dwight a bit: he says that he's not convinced that Negan has it right, that the Hilltoppers (and Alexandrians and Kingdomites) have survived everything that has been thrown at them and have not gotten scared by the Saviors.  He seems to be trying to get Dwight to say something disloyal about Negan and Dwight is clearly unsure about where this is going.  They find Negan's burned out, shot up car and continue their conversation.  Simon is all, we need to just move on with [the Hilltoppers] and if Negan is out there dead, or not quite dead, then maybe they need to just move on without him.  He presses Dwight, asking if Dwight hasn't ever wanted to fight back against Negan.  Dwight's voice is saturated with sarcasm when he replies, "When he stole my wife and burned my face?  No, I never once wanted him dead."  Simon's like, well, let's see what we can do about that.  A sliver of hope crosses Dwight's ruined face.

While all this is going on, the sentries at the Hilltop notice a crate with a banner in the field outside the walls.  They all think this is weird but they bring it in to check it out: it's a message with coordinates, saying that if they bring the crate filled with food and/or records, they'll get "a key to [their] future." Since the Hilltoppers are on the verge of starving, Maggie thinks that they can't pass this up, even if it may be a trap.  She, Enid, Rosita and Michonne head out to the coordinates on the note.  There's a van waiting for them there and three women: Georgie, Hilda and Midge.  They seem a little odd but they are clean and well-fed.  Georgie sets forth her deal again: something valuable for food or music (no spoken word).  Michonne is inclined to take whatever she's offering but Maggie feels the need to stretch things out a little longer and instead they bring Georgie and her crew back to the Hilltop for further discussion.  After seeing the Hilltop, Georgie amends her deal: she has noticed that people are looking a little scrawny so in exchange for their record albums, she will give them two crates of food, plus this binder of plans for medieval-level technology like windmills, watermills, etc.  This gets through Maggie's hardened shell, because it was she who always saw the Hilltop's potential, she who wanted to grow things and build community.  She takes Georgie's deal with a small smile and Georgie promises that she will come back once they've started to rebuild, to see what they've done and see what else they can barter.

Simon and Dwight return to the Saviors, saying that they can't find Negan.  There is some worried muttering but Simon says that it's not a problem - they're all Negan and together they can continue, can move on.  And, as Dwight stares in disappointment and horror, by moving on, Simon means they are going to slaughter the fuck out of the Hilltop - they're going to kill them all, not just scare them like Negan wanted to do.  Simon is even scarier than that blowhard Negan, IMHO.

Speaking of that blowhard Negan, he is passed out in the front seat of a car.  When he wakes up, he - and we - sees that the car is being driven by Jadis and she's holding a gun to his temple.  "Well, shit," he grins.  Jadis snarls, "Shut up" and clocks him in the head with her gun.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E11 "Dead or Alive Or" 3/11/18

Once more into the breach.  This time, I really do think this is the last TWD recap.  Although I realize it's a boy-who-cried-wolf scenario at this point.  Because it's easier, I'm going to do a story-line grouping for the recap, like last time, even though this episode isn't structured that way. 

Daryl, Rosita, Tara and Dwight.  The Alexandrian escapees, led by Daryl, Tara and Rosita, make their way to the Hilltop, trying to stay off the roads so as to avoid Savior patrols.  Things are a little tense (moreso than usual) because both Daryl and Tara would rather kill Dwight outright, not trusting him for past offenses, but Daryl at least sees that he could be helpful - after they reach Hilltop, they'll evaluate.  Dwight, who has been protesting that he HATES Negan and can't go back to the Saviors, suggests that they cut through a nearby swamp since the Saviors avoid it, deeming it too dangerous.  While Daryl and Sandiq (?) clear out the numerous and squishy swamp zombies (kudos to the sound department for some horrific oozy noises there), Tara decides to take Dwight matters into her own hands.  She chases him through the woods at gun point and almost shoots him when a group of Saviors comes into view.  While she hides, Dwight sacrifices himself, so to speak, rejoining that Savior squad and leading them off, away from the hiding Alexandrians.  Tara is amazed that he would do that, especially since he's liable to be killed if any Saviors know of his betrayal back in that coordinated attack.  When she rejoins the rest of the Alexandrians, Daryl is pissed off that Dwight returned to the Saviors but Tara sticks up for Dwight.  They all make it to the Hilltop and share news of Carl's death; Enid is very, very sad.

At the Hilltop.  Maggie - who still doesn't look the slightest bit pregnant, wtf? - is very stressed because supplies are running low.  With the Hilltoppers already on short rations, she decides to stop feeding the Savior prisoners (and Gergory) entirely and denies the prisoners' requests for some exercise outside of the pen.  At the end of the episode, after the Alexandrian escapees have arrived, she relents.  Also, she is happy to learn that Sandiq (?) had some medical training before the zombie apocalypse happened, since doctors are in such short supply.

Negan and Eugene.  At the Sanctuary, Negan tells Eugene that he needs to start making bullets ASAP since they so depleted their supply clearing a pathway through the walker swarm an episode or two ago.  He sets Eugene and a small crew up at that machine shop.  Later, when Negan stops by to check on them, he is unimpressed with their progress.  Eugene tries to explain that it is a slow process and suggests that maybe in the meantime he could rig up some old school catapults and they could just chuck rotten zombie pieces over the Hilltop's walls, to traumatize and demoralize the denizens.  Negan's eyes light up and later he speechifies about how they're all going to coat their bullets and edged weapons with zombie guts: the plan is to wound the rebels, not kill them outright, so that Rick's people die slowly as walkers via infection instead.  I'm not sure that the science is right: people have been dousing themselves in zombie guts for camouflage purposes and no one has gotten infected from that.  Whatever.  I don't really care.

Carlson and Father Gabriel.  Father Gabriel and Dr. Carlson are the odd fellows, struggling to get back to the Hilltop after their Eugene-aided escape from the Sanctuary.  The car they took died and Gabriel's infection is affecting his eyesight.  Carlson is all doom and gloom and yet Gabriel continues to have a smile on his face and faith in his God to lead them where they need to go.  The doctor's skepticism takes a beating as (a) Gabriel hears wind chimes that lead them to a fairly well-stocked house with (b) antibiotics, which Carlson gives to the now nearly-blind Gabriel for the infection, (c) a map, showing them how to get to the Hilltop, (d) a gun with bullets and (e) keys to a jeep in the garage.  En route to the garage, Carlson steps into a beartrap that has been set to catch zombies.  His screams attract the attention of a few walkers.  As the wounded and snared Carlson struggles with a walker, Gabriel manages to find the gun and - nearly miraculously - shoots the attacking walker, saving Carlson's life.  The doctor is amazed; the priest merely believes his God is getting them through.  However, the gunshots have attracted the notice of a band of Saviors, who capture Carlson and Gabriel just as they try to drive off.  Gabriel is still calm and Carlson notices, then remarks that maybe God is indeed giving them opportunities - and he grabs a gun out of a Savior's holster.  But another Savior shoots the doctor dead - despite the group's leader bemoaning the fact that they were supposed to leave him alive, since doctors are so valuable.  They shove Carlson's body off the truck and drive off with Gabriel sitting in the bed, stricken and heartbreakingly wailing "NO!" to the heavens.  He is utterly devastated, seemingly betrayed by his God, and it is truly one of the saddest moments in this show's run, watching him lose his faith.

Previously on The Walking Dead / maybe next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E10 "The Lost and the Plunderers" 3/4/18

I'm back!  Mr. Mouse hasn't cancelled our cable yet so here's another TWD recap.  And the show structured things a little differently this time, sort of focusing on one character at a time and separating things into chapters, making it much easier to summarize.  Of course, no Carol or Daryl, so boo.

Michonne.  Michonne and Rick finish burying Carl and pack their things to leave Alexandria.  Random zombies wander through the village, coming in through the broken wall.  She looks a little stunned but still manages to take a bunch of them out as necessary.  On their way out of Alexandria, they see that a gazebo is on fire: apparently Carl used to sit on the gazebo's roof (?) so they are compelled to jump out and try to douse the flames.  They can't quite put it all out before the walkers move in and they are forced to get back in their van and drive off.  As they drive, Rick decides that they need to swing by the dump and try once again to enlist Jadis and her garbage people (or Scavengers, or whatever) to the cause.  He and Michonne enter the Scavengers' dump and manage to trip a trap that brings a bunch of junk down in front of the ingress/egress, effectively trapping them in the junkyard.  [For a chapter titled "Michonne," this segment was nearly as much about Rick as it was about her.  At least she had a decent role in Black Panther.]

Negan.  Back at the Sanctuary, Negan is experiencing some pushback from an antsy Simon.  Simon wants to full-on attack Rick and company and Negan has to remind him that people are resources.  He tells Simon that he is to go to the Scavengers and remind them of their deal with the Saviors.  "Deliver the standard message, take one out and the rest will fall in line.  Just one, Simon."  Simon presses his point, saying that the local communities are not falling in line as they should.  Negan snarls at him, "What we do, saving people, is hard.  But it damn well works."  Simon: "Not lately."  Negan says once they put Rick down, everything will be aces again.

Enid.  After killing the beach people's leader (Natanya), Enid and Aaron are brought into the village and shackled to a radiator.  It's up to Cindy, as Natanya's granddaughter, to decide what to do with them.  After a little while, Cindy et als come back, Enid's all, you shouldn't kill us because ultimately we're on your side even though we killed your leader and took all your guns.  Cindy decides to let them go, so they are walked out to a clearing a ways away and released, with a warning to never come back.  Aaron sends Enid back to Hilltop to tell Maggie what happened and where he is; he is going to stay and keep trying to convince the beach people to join up.  Because that seems likely.  Enid gives him a hug and walks off, back to their truck.  Aaron crouches down by a tree.  Whatever.  This was completely pointless.

Simon.  Simon grabs his crew and heads off to the landfill.  There's a bit of a standoff between Simon and Jadis, with their respective people gathering behind each of them, guns at the ready.  Simon - who seems rather crazier than Negan these days - demands an apology and all of the Scavengers' guns.  Jadis stands up to him as best she can but eventually, over the protests of her seconds-in-command, she capitulates, handing over all their guns.  When Simon reiterates his need for her apology, she punches him in the face.  He gets up and shoots two of her people, splattering her with their blood.  Then he signals his people and they mow down all of her now-defenseless people, taking care with body shots only, no head shots.  Jadis can only watch, shaken and upset.  When the Saviors return to the Sanctuary, Simon lies to Negan, saying that they did as instructed, collecting the weapons and leaving the Scavengers alive.  Liar!

Jadis.  Rick and Michonne are quickly surrounded by the now-zombified Scavengers.  They climb atop the piles of junk and find Jadis there.  She is barefoot, wearing only a white slip (did Simon take all her clothes?) and now speaking in full sentences, not the affected speech pattern we've heard until now.  She explains that the Saviors killed all her people, took away this new community she created after the zombie apocalypse.  Rick and Michonne don't have any time for her self pity, however.  They put together makeshift shields and make a run for it, slaughtering as many zombies as they can on their way out the way they came.  Jadis asks to come with them but Rick's all, [you're] no help to us anyway and they leave her behind.  After Rick and Michonne are gone, Jadis figures out how to save herself:  she positions herself on the far side of a trash shredder/compactor and as the former friends/now zombies approach, they fall into it and are chewed into bloody sludge.  It's a truly disgusting visual so kudos to the show for coming up with something new.  After the zombies are disposed off, she slurps down a can of applesauce (?) and ponders her options.

Rick.  En route to Hilltop, Michonne is looking through the letters Carl wrote.  She tells Rick that not only is there one for him, there's one for Negan.  Rick pulls over and grabs the letters, staggering out into a field.  He starts to open his letter, then instead reads the one to Negan.  He gets on a walkie-talkie (scavenged from a dead Savior before they left Alexandria) and demands to speak with Negan.  When Negan answers, Rick tells him that Carl is dead.  Negan seems genuinely sorry to hear this.  Rick then tells him that Carl wanted the two of them to stop fighting and work together but Rick ain't having none of that.  He's going to kill Negan.  And as Rick starts sounding crazier and more ragged, Negan can't help himself but preaching his own sermon: he's going to kill Rick and subsume all the outlying communities, taking them into the Saviors, etc., etc.  "You failed as a leader, Rick, and you failed as a father.  Just give up."  So much for Carl's hope for peace - I don't see it ever happening with these two dumbasses still in charge.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E9 "Honor" 2/25/18

Here we go, what may be the last The Walking Dead recap on Friend Mouse Speaks (I don't really know when Mr. Mouse is cancelling our cable).  And you know what, I am not going to miss this show at all.  I've been recapping it since the beginning - October 31, 2010 - and in the beginning, it was exciting and new and like nothing anyone had ever seen on television.  But over the last eight seasons, it has become a slog, a chore to watch, a suffer-fest not even enlivened by good writing.  I much prefer I, Zombie these days: there's still zombie action but with intricate plots, humor and characters I actually enjoy spending time with.  So, once more into the fray, my friends.  

In a nutshell: we have two through-lines this time around.  Carl got bit and he dies SPOILER throughout the episode; and Carol and Morgan rescue Ezekiel.  I just saved you 83 minutes.  Seriously, there is NO REASON this episode had to be 83 minutes long.

I'm sorry but I just rolled my eyes the whole time.  I have never liked Carl and to be honest, he got more character development in the initial Carl's-last-day-on-earth montage as he hid Sadiq away, took photos and painted hand prints with Judith, planted a tree and wrote letters to everyone.  Then, picking up right where the last episode left off, when Rick and Michonne catch up to everyone cowering in the sewers while the Saviors burn Alexandria down overhead, Carl lifts up his shirt to show them the bite on his stomach.  Throughout the rest of the episode, he gets paler and sicker and Rick and Michonne sweat and emote their pants off and everyone else sits around and looks sad.  In dying, Carl has become this missionary of peace: he has a vision of Rick rebuilding society, humans no longer killing each other but living together, making things grow and bloom.  He tells Rick and Michonne that they mustn't be sad or vengeful but must be strong for each other and Judith.  He also tells Michonne that she's his best friend which .... okay?  When did that happen?  Must have been earlier this season when we didn't see either of them for multiple episodes at a time.

Eventually the Saviors get bored with all the destruction and leave.  Rosita, Tara and Daryl decide to take the Alexandrian survivors - all of whom Carl did save, so there's that - to safety at Hilltop.  Daryl has Judith in his arms and promises a tearful, shaky Rick that he will protect her.  They leave, casting teary looks behind at Carl.  As he deteriorates, Rick and Michonne sweat and cry and stroke his face.   Then they decide to bring him up out of sewers because who wants to die there.  They manage to get him to the burned-out church where, after more sweaty, teary emoting, Carl grasps his pistol.  He says that he wants to do it while he still can, not wanting to put them through that.  They protect weakly for a little while.  Then, as Rick and Michonne stand on the front steps, we hear a faint shot.  They bury him.  Thus endeth Carl.

Interspersed among all the Carl death scenes is the more interesting Carol and Morgan show.  Carol leads the Kingdom survivors to her little cottage, telling them to hunker down there while she goes back to rescue the king.  Woman in a head scarf: "You versus all of them?" Carol: "Yeah." WiaHS: "They don't stand a chance."  Because Carol fucking rocks.  Young child Henry wants to help her - because Morgan taught him the staff and she taught him the gun - but Carol's all, no, you're staying here.  She sneaks back into the Kingdom (as does disobedient Henry), where Whatsisname and his squad of Saviors has captured Ezekiel, loading him and supplies into a truck to take back to Negan.  Carol runs into Morgan and the two of them systematically start taking out the Saviors.  Morgan has completely abandoned the way of the leaf (or whatever) and methodically stabs the Saviors to death with the sharpened end of his staff.  Carol is all, dude, you're getting a little scary, but this is what he does now.  Between the two of them, they take out about eight men, Morgan stabbing each through the skull after they're down to keep control of the zombification.

Whatsisname figures out things are going south when he can't raise his men on the walkie so he and his remaining Saviors grab Ezekiel and take refuge in the auditorium.  Carol and Morgan have collected semiautomatic guns from the Saviors they killed, however, and it turns into a full-fledged shoot-out.  Carol and Morgan and Ezekiel are ultimately successful but the Eeeeuww Moment of the episode comes when Morgan is wrestling with a Savior: the dude has a bullet wound in his belly and in order to beat the much bigger man, Morgan shoves his hand wrist-deep into that gut wound and pulls out the man's intestines with a squish and a splatter.  Whatsisname, fleeing with a superficial leg wound, looks back in time to see this and is all, HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT IS FUCKED UP.  He runs off but Carol, Ezekiel and Morgan find him outside.  Morgan has to be talked down from stabbing Whatsisname to death.  He relents to Carol and Ezekiel's convincing - and then the man is stabbed through the neck from behind from young Henry.  The adults are slightly aghast.

The last scene, after all of the Kingdom rescue and all of the interminable dying of Carl, is Rick, red-eyed and blinking in the sun, sitting under a tree from which stained glass windows have been hung.  He seems to be alone, and bleeding from an abdominal wound.  Who even knows what that may be about.

If I find a way (without spending extra $$, I'll pick this series back up because I don't like leaving things unfinished (abandonment of True Blood recaps notwithstanding), but only until they kill off Daryl.  That really will be the last straw.  Ciao for now, those of you who only came for these TWD recaps.  Stop by for little movie reviews when you get the chance.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time (...?) on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E8 "How It's Gotta Be" 12/10/17

One of the problems with The Walking Dead is that there is no spatial sense or sense of time.  How far are Alexandria, the Hilltop, the Kingdom, the Sanctuary and Oceanside from one another?  In some episodes, it seems like just a few miles; in this episode, people seem to be driving for hours and hours and hours.  And how long has this all been taking, this carrying out of Rick's plan against Negan and its subsequent breakdown?  Days?  Hours?  Also, how long does it take to die of a zombie bite - one that doesn't rip your throat out but a flesh wound that merely introduces the virus into your bloodstream?  Asking for a friend.

Rick stares down into the Sanctuary, stunned by the epic falling apart of his plan.  At the first return of gunfire by the Saviors, Jadis and her garbage people cut and run and we never see them again for the rest of the episode.  So they were super-helpful.  Carol drives up, Jerry riding shotgun, and Rick dives into the car.  The three of them talk over each other, expositing that (a) the Saviors got out and (b) the Saviors are going to hit back with a vengeance so they need to warn the other communities ASAP.

This is interspersed with a flashback to Carl telling Rick that they need to stop fighting and start working on how everyone is going to live in the future, after this shit with Negan is over.

Back at Alexandria, WTF Daryl, you don't even stick around to see if your plan worked?  No, he didn't and he will be surprised to find out that no, it didn't, not really, since the Saviors got out.  In a house, a weirdly shaky Carl is writing what looks like goodbye notes - of course, if Negan has his way, there won't be anyone around to read them.  He has crap handwriting, btw.  That night, Michonne catches him dropping food down into the sewer; he's got Sadiq stashed there.  Then, they hear a pounding at the gate.  Michonne: "They got out!"  It's Negan, giving them three minutes before he huffs and puffs and blows their house down.

At the Kingdom, Ezekiel finally snaps out of his funk when the Saviors arrive and start throwing their weight around.  He hides, sneaking around, and setting off a big explosion.  The Saviors give chase, knowing that Negan wants his head on a pike.  In the confusion, some of the Kingdom people start to fight back, which is particularly notable since none of those left are fighters.  Carol directs the people on where to meet up outside and then she sees Ezekiel.  He has Shiva's old chain in his hands and he smiles at Carol as he closes and locks the gates, himself inside with the Saviors.  Carol's all, NO! And he tells her to save his people like she saved him.  Then the Saviors come up and knock him unconscious.  Luckily, Morgan is lurking there, outside the Kingdom's wall.

Out on the road, Maggie, Jesus and some Hilltop redshirts get ambushed.  Maggie: "They got out!"  One of the Hilltop redshirts gets shot and the Saviors throw their weight around, menacing and threatening.  The Hilltoppers are finally allowed to return home and toe the line.  When she gets back, Maggie calls one of the imprisoned Saviors out of the holding pen and, in front of a shocked Jesus, shoots him in the head.  She orders him tossed out of the Hilltop with a message: WE HAVE 38 MORE.  STAND DOWN.  "We aren't even but it's a start."  Then she starts planning for Hilltop to make the last stand against Negan.

In Alexandria, Carl has decided he is in charge and his plan is for everyone to run and hide in the sewers.  His goal is to save lives for what comes later.  Michonne protests that they can't just give their home up to Negan.  Carl's all, no - all we have to do is survive the night.  As Negan continues his countdown, Carl climbs up to the top of the wall and offers himself up: Kill me, if you have to punish someone, and leave everyone else alone.  Negan's all, that's tempting but it's much less fun when you volunteer.  So then Negan starts firing off grenades or RPGs or some such, exploding some of the houses.  Carl drops back down and as the Alexandrians start to scatter, they toss around smoke bombs so that soon the town's streets are full of smoke.  As Negan and his goons stroll through the town, Carl skulks around, unseen, heading for the sewers.

And on the back side of town, Daryl and some cohorts bust through the walls, with Dwight and some Saviors giving chase.  The Alexandrians get out far enough and then set up their own ambush: Daryl, Michonne, Tara and Rosita with big ol' guns.  There's a shootout, during which one of the Saviors realizes that Dwight betrayed them, then Daryl and his posse prevail, killing everyone but Dwight, who has gotten wounded.  It looks touch and go for a moment, whether Daryl et als. will let him live but in the end, they scoop him up and take him with them, sneaking back into Alexandria and into the sewers, as Carl planned (except for Michonne - she won't go down there).  Daryl does ask Dwight what happened, if what Daryl did allowed the Saviors to get out, but Dwight says that Eugene figured out how to get out.  Which begs the question: with all the recent focus on Eugene, why didn't we get to see this brilliant idea?

Back at the Sanctuary, Eugene's conscience gets the better of him.  He takes care of the guards (dosing them with laxative - heh) and gives Gabriel keys to a car just outside so the priest and the Hilltop doctor can get away.  Amazed, Gabriel asks him to come with them but weird ol' Eugene just leaves them to it.

When Rick finally makes it back to Alexandria - seriously, where the fuck has he been? how long does it take to drive from the Sanctuary? - he goes to his house and starts yelling for Carl and Judith like a fucking lunatic.  Negan is there, waiting for him, and the two of them have fisticuffs, Rick managing to dodge Lucille more often than not.  Eventually, Rick gets himself tossed out a window and just makes a run for it.

Michonne finds him, out there on the smoky streets, and leads him down into the sewers.  Everyone is there, sad and quiet, but safe for now.  Rick glares at Dwight and Sadiq, is relieved to see Judith.  He and Michonne go to Carl who for once is not wearing that STUPID FUCKING HAT.  And then Carl pulls up his shirt and shows them the walker bite on his stomach.  It's been there a while - hence the goodbye letters, hence the attempt to offer himself up to Negan since he's going to die anyway.  Michonne falls to her knees (and now I'm thinking that's why everyone else is so sad and quiet too) and Rick just stares at his son, stricken.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

Overdue notice

Oh yes, the latest recap of The Walking Dead is super-late.  I don't really have any excuses other than I just haven't been able to make myself do it yet.  WHY OH WHY IS IT AN EXTRA-LONG EPISODE?  There is absolutely no reason for it - they easily could have cut it down to a regular length episode (and still not much would have happened).  What could they have cut out?  All the "artsy" close-ups of people's faces.  Shots of characters grimly driving cars.  And Aaron/Enid's entire storyline. 

Here it is:  Aaron and Enid are going to Oceanside because Aaron thinks he can convince Oceanside to join the fight against Negan even though not so long ago, the Alexandrians raided their community and took ALL their guns and ammunition.  To sweeten the deal, Enid stops at a distillery - that somehow has not been entirely looted since the zombie apocalypse happened (which is bullshit, because no one is going to leave a distillery unplundered) - so they can load up a truck full of hooch.  They park outside Oceanside and that night, when Aaron confronts an Oceansider lurking nearby, Enid shoots her.  It turns out to be the community's matriarch so I'm pretty sure that's not going to help Aaron and Enid's bargaining position.  So what was the point?

Recap up tonight.  Promise.

The Walking Dead S8E7 "Time for After" 12/3/17

First of all, WTF kind of strategist is Rick if his plan hinges on the cooperation of Jadis's junkyard people?  He thinks he's just going to walk into the junkyard with no back-up and convince them - using his silver tongue or effervescent charm - to join with him against the Saviors?  How's that working out for you, Mr. Stuck-in-a-Box?  What happens to the rest of your people when the junkers kill you?  Did you plan for being stuck in a box?  Also, I am not a Eugene fan so this episode was excruciating.

Prologue - Rick is let out of the box for a few moments so Jadis can photograph him and some other junker dude can make a quick sketch.  Jadis tells him this is so she can sculpt him: "After."

Eugene - At the Sanctuary, Eugene is being all Eugene-ish.  He has a face-to-face with Dwight and instead of picking a side - joining Dwight to help take down the Saviors or ratting Dwight's betrayal out to Negan - he simply decides to keep his mouth shut as long as Dwight keeps his activities quiet and doesn't let any innocent workers get hurt.  He spends some time with a dying Father Gabriel (apparently gooping oneself up with zombie guts can led to some fucking nasty infections (which of course Negan has not caught)) and rebuffs Gabriel's pleas for aid in getting the doctor back to the Hilltop.  He misses a deadline negotiated with one of Negan's "wives" for fixing her boombox but manages to cadge the bottle of wine she promised in payment because he needs help sleeping.  He has a one-on-one with Negan, who blows all sort of smoke up his ass, making Eugene feel important.

Daryl and Tara, et als. - Daryl, Tara, Michonne and Rosita go over the plan: crash the garbage truck into the Sanctuary, busting a hole in the building so the walkers swarm in and take out as many Saviors as possible, with the hope that the workers won't get caught in the crossfire.  Morgan, who has been in a nearby building on sniper-duty, joins them.  Rosita and Michonne are all, why can't we stick to Rick's plan?  Daryl's like, well, we don't have the numbers to take out the Saviors now that the Kingdom has been wiped out.  Rosita and Michonne bow out, which begs the question why they even bothered leaving Alexandria in the first place.  Also, Daryl seems to have a bit of a death wish going on, saying that it doesn't matter if he survives this operation - he just wants it to work.

Eugene - While fixing the wife's boombox, Eugene gets an idea.  He fetches Sasha's iPod from the coffin (which is conveniently stashed in some storeroom nearby) and affixes it to a radio-controlled model airplane: the plan is to draw the swarm of walkers away from the Sanctuary by playing music, just like those Saviors were going to do with the speaker-truck last episode before Rosita and Michonne took them out.  Dwight finds him and warns him not to do it.  Eugene actually grows some balls turns the speaker on and launches the airplane.  Dwight considers shooting Eugene in the head and then settles for shooting the speaker-plane out of the sky before it can distract the walkers.

Daryl and Tara - Daryl and Tara, with Morgan providing coverage, put their plan into action: getting the garbage truck in close, then Daryl putting a cinder block on the accelerator and jumping out.  The truck crashes into the building and the walkers swarm in through the gap.  Inside, it's carnage.  Unprotected workers are easily taken down by the walkers; the Saviors wield their semiautomatic weapons but there are a lot of zombies and they have to retreat.

Eugene - Eugene FREAKS THE FUCK OUT, watching the walkers invade the formerly safe Sanctuary.  He runs to Gabriel's bedside and shouts at him that he won't help as all he can do is protect himself.  But he uses a LOT of words and it is super-annoying.  Then he goes to Negan, promising that he can make enough bullets to replace the ammo spent on the walkers so that Negan can go on the offensive against Rick's crew as soon as this shit is cleaned up.  He also alludes to another revelation, something big - but they are interrupted by Dwight and Negan's other lieutenants.  With Dwight in attendance, Eugene is not brave enough to rat him out to Negan, so he just says that he can get the intercoms working again and scurries away.  If someone can explain to me why it was necessary to devote a whole episode to this twit, that would be great.

Epilogue - Jadis lets Rick out of the box, putting him in the center of the junkyard arena in his boxers, hands tied.  One junker stands behind him, keeping him there, while another comes out with a walker.  These junkyard walker designs are pretty awesome, actually: this one has a half-helmet, protecting its skull but leaving its mouth free, and a long pole is attached to the back of the helmet, allowing the junker to control it and stay out of reach.  Rick manages to get free, downing the two junkers by gaining control of the walker.  He uses the pole to fight the men, eventually twisting the walker's head right off, which is fantastic.  Then Rick tackles Jadis, knocking her gun away and wrestling her to the ground, her panicked face just inches away from the walker's still-gnashing teeth.  Rick's all, I'm getting my clothes and my gun back now and leaving, and if you don't join up with me, my people will come back and murder you all.  For some reason, the junkers don't just shoot him where he stands.  Instead, Jadis gives up and agrees to join him.  There's some negotiation - each community will get a fourth of the Sanctuary's supplies - and Rick explains his grand plan: they will go to the Sanctuary, he will offer the Saviors amnesty and then, after they give up, he will kill Negan and everyone has a happy ending.

Except, of course, when Rick, Jadis and the junkers get to the Sanctuary, it is no longer surrounded by a herd of walkers because they are all inside the building, chewing on the living.  I assume Rick recognizes Daryl's garbage truck but he really looks more stunned than anything else.  I dunno: I think I'm with Daryl and Tara in that Rick's plan seemed pretty far from likely to succeed.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E6 "The King, the Widow and Rick" 11/26/17

The episode title references Negan's instructions to his Saviors to capture "the King, the widow and Rick" alive ... but to be honest, this damn episode should actually have been titled "The King, the Widow, Rick, Carol, Carl, Michonne and Rosita, with some Daryl and Tara for good measure."  If the intent had been to focus on Ezekiel, Maggie and Rick, the writers lost their focus a bit.  And in case you were wondering, this is another talk-heavy/place-setting episode.

The good guys have set up a nifty little message system, hiding notes for one another in various roadside trash heaps.  As we check in with Carol/the Kingdom, Rick/on the road and Maggie/at the Hilltop, the ponderous voiceovers talks about how the plan is working even though we're losing people.  Only there are a LOT more words - but it's all kind of pointless because it's just rehashing everything we've just seen over the last couple of episodes.

Rick:  On foot and on his own, Rick walks to the Garbage People's compound to try once again to enlist their help.  Jadis and her weirdos hear him out and then turn him down, throwing him into a hot storage container.  Jadis:  "[He] talks too much."  Word, sister.

Maggie:  The denizens of the Hilltop are conflicted about the Savior prisoners Jesus has brought back.  At first, they are tied up along the outside of the wall, guarded by Jesus and other gun-bearing Hilltoppers.  This is dangerous for Maggie's people, however, with the exposure to walkers and non-imprisoned Saviors.  Gregory thinks they should build a gallows.  Maggie instead builds a barbed wire enclosures within the Hilltop's walls.  The prisoners are ushered inside; Gregory, who has been driving Maggie up a fucking wall, also gets roughed up a little and thrown in with the Saviors.  Maggie tells Jesus that she's only holding onto the prisoners on the off-chance that they can be exchanged for any of their people that Negan takes captives.  Otherwise, after this is all over, they're going to have to be killed.  Afterwards, Aaron (who delivered the baby Rick found to Maggie) heads back out, with Enid tagging along.

Carol:  Even though "The King" is in the title, Ezekiel is too busy being sad so most of the focus is on Carol.  They're supposed to meet up with Rick and since she is unable to roust the King, Carol goes alone.  She is followed by some little kid (Henry?) and has to rescue him from a couple of walkers he is trying to fight.  She snaps at him, then hands him a gun and leads him back to the Kingdom.  Over Jerry's protests, she forces her way into the theater where she finds Ezekiel sitting on the floor beside his throne, clutching a length of Shiva's chain in his hands.  He is very sad.  Carol gives him a rousing speech about how his people need him to lead them as he has done up until now and if he's struggling, to just fake it 'til he makes it.  They have a nice little bonding moment (and both these actors are so good together) over how he helped her when she isolated herself in that house but ultimately Ezekiel says he just can't be the King now.

Carl:  For reasons, Carl goes out into the forest, looking for that dude he and Rick came across a few episodes ago, the one Carl tried to befriend and Rick chased off by shooting rounds into the air.  Carl finds the dude who is engaged in setting up walker traps - his parents thought that killing zombies released their souls and he is trying to honor his parents by offing the undead.  Intrigued, Carl asks the three questions (remember those).  Sadiq says he's killed about 237 walkers (nice!) and only one person, putting him out of his misery after a walker attack.  Carl's all, let's be friends and then they both almost get killed when a small group of walkers comes out of nowhere.  They finally put down the walkers and Carl's like, come with me, I can't take you to my community because my dad's kind of touchy but maybe I can put you somewhere else.

Michonne and Rosita:  After basically being absent for the first five episodes - they have been "healing" back at Alexandria, Michonne and Rosita go against orders and leave Alexandria because of reasons: they want to "see the Sanctuary."  Whatever.  Like they would do that.  This is just an excuse for the writers to get them on the road where they hear some music coming from a warehouse.  Worried that the noise will draw the herd of walkers away from the Sanctuary, they go to check it out.  The warehouse is storing a TON of weapons, like military grade, and there are two Saviors inside, getting a truck laden with speakers blasting opera to go to the Sanctuary, specifically to draw the herd of walkers away.  Michonne and Rosita get into a gunfight with the two Saviors.  Rosita AWESOMELY blows one dude up with a fucking RPG but the woman gets away, driving off in the speaker truck.  Fear not - read next paragraph.

Daryl and Tara:  When Daryl gets back to Alexandria, Tara goes looking for him.  She says he was right to not kill Dwight because they couldn't have gotten this far in the plan without him, but after this is all over, she's gonna kill him.  Because he killed Denise, yes?  Daryl, still holding a grudge for his Sanctuary treatment at Dwight's hands, says maybe the two of them could kill him together.  Later, whilst driving their big ol' garbage truck, they broadside the speaker truck and hook up with Michonne and Rosita.  Daryl's like, we got a lot more work to do - all of us.  They drive to where Michonne and Rosita can see the herd of walkers swarming the Sanctuary.  Daryl's like, we're gonna end this thing, right now.  I think he's still not on board with Rick's plan and wants to blow some shit up.  And frankly, with Rick stuck in a Garbage People's storage container, sweating his ass off, Daryl may have a point.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E5 "The Big Scary U" 11/19/17

I dunno: The AV Club liked this episode but man, it was ALL TALKING except for the Rick-n-Daryl show, which wasn't full of talking but also seemed jarring and a little out of place given the tone of the rest of the episode. I suppose it's good to spend more time with the bad guys - delve a little deeper into what makes them tick but IT WAS ALL TALKING.  Sorry this is so late - The Punisher and then Thanksgiving got in the way, and then I just was putting it off - but now we begin:

Bit of a flashback to Father Gabriel in his more cowardly days, praying and asking to be given purpose in the remaining life he has.

Then, a bit more recent flashback when Gregory was staying (being kept?) at the Sanctuary: Simon brings him breakfast and then takes him to a meeting with Negan and Negan's upper level councillors (Simon, Dwight, Eugene, Regina, some other asshole).  Gregory talks and talks, clearly terrified out of his mind but bluffing as best he can.  Negan, who is a little less obnoxious, lays out his overarching strategy: if you kill the right people, you can manage to save hundreds more (hence being called "the Saviors").  Gregory makes promises, saying that he can deliver the Hilltop to Negan and exile anyone who thinks to ally themselves with Maggie/Rick/etc.  Negan's all, I think you are playing both sides, Gregory.  Gregory: [weasels like he's never weaseled before.]  Simon interjects that if Gregory can't deliver, they can always go in and kill everyone.  Negan abruptly stands up and slams Lucille into the table, scaring everyone: "People are a resource!  Money on the table! People are the foundation of what we are doing here!"  He glares at Simon, snarling, "Are you confused about who's in charge? Are we backsliding?"  Simon:  "Um, no."  Negan sets out the new plan:  "We kill the right people (Maggie, Rick, Ezekiel) in the wrongest way possible and we make 'em all watch!"  That'll bring the communities back in line.  Then, the meeting gets broken up as the coordinated attacks begin.  Then those events happen and eventually Negan and Gabriel get trapped in that trailer and we're back up to now.

Negan and Gabriel sit quietly as the walkers claw at the trailer walls.  Negan: "Your friend Rick is an asshole."  Gabriel: "You're an asshole."  Negan, chuckling: "Yes, I am.  But Rick's gonna get people killed.  [paraphrasing] I may kill people but I don't get them killed."  Gregory thinks that may be semantics, despite what Negan says.  And then there's a lot of talking.  Gregory says that he's looking for a purpose and maybe being stuck in this trailer with Negan is it: "I think maybe I'm here to take your confession."

Here's the just of it.  Gabriel confesses that he is a coward and locked his parishioners out of the church when the apocalypse happened.  Negan only confesses to cheating on his first wife when she was alive; he feels no compunction about what happened after the shit hit the fan.  As the zombies get a little more excitable outside, Negan points out that the longer he is stuck in here, the more the Saviors are going to come apart at the seams without him to keep them in line.

Meanwhile, Simon, Dwight, Eugene, Regina and that other asshole have assumed that Negan is dead and what the hell are they going to do next.  They argue amongst themselves but do come up with some salient points:  they need to protect the worker population because the workers outnumber the Savior fighters by a lot and if the workers revolt, they could win through sheer numbers.  Regina wants to mount an attack.  Dwight wants to protect what they have left and stay alive.  Simon wants to find out who on the inside leaked the information that allowed Rick to get this attack coordinated.  Everyone looks at Eugene here; Eugene looks at Dwight.

In the comic relief interlude, Rick and Daryl work to retrieve the munitions from the truck they overturned.  Daryl packs up a bunch of explosives: he thinks they should blow a hole in the far side of the Sanctuary and allow the walkers to flood in, wiping everyone out.  Rick thinks that is a bad idea - that would kill workers as well as Savior soldiers - and they need to stick to the original plan (of which there are apparently a few more stages left to enact).  Daryl's all, nope, Ezekiel's crew is gone (the dying Savior truck driver told them this before he croaked) and we're gonna blow shit up.  Rick's all, nope, we're not.  Daryl grabs the explosives and storms off towards his motorcycle.  Rick tackles him and there are fisticuffs.  For the record, Daryl punches first.  They're pretty well-matched, slugging and snarling and wrestling each other to the ground.  At one point, Rick grabs the pack of explosives and tosses it back towards the wrecked truck - which is leaking gas and possibly on fire at this point) just as Daryl catches him in a choke hold.  Daryl brings Rick down and just before he loses consciousness, Rick sees the flames catch at the truck.  He and Daryl stop fighting to scramble away, getting just out of range as the truck explodes.  They sit there, hilarious expressions on their faces, and then they get up to continue with the plan: since the explosives exploded, Daryl's got no reason to go against it now.  As they get ready to continue on, Rick on foot because his jeep is shot up and Daryl on his motorcycle - Rick mutters, "Chokehold's illegal, asshole."  Daryl: "Mm-hmm.  Yes, it is."  Heh.  Rick says that he'll meet Daryl after the last play.  Daryl asks if that's really necessary and Rick says yeah, it is.  They head off.

Negan and Gabriel make a run for it, dressing themselves with zombie guts for disguise and armed only with Lucille and Gabriel's partially-loaded pistol.  They make it about halfway before the walkers notice them.  They're going to make it, of course, because Negan won't be taken down by some random walker horde.

Inside the Sanctuary, the remaining ruling committee is getting frazzled.  To make matters worse, the workers are advancing on the Saviors, getting restless and worried and rebellious.  Things start to escalate and Regina loses her cool and shoots a couple of workers.  Just as everything is about to fall completely apart, Negan and Gabriel, covered in gore, stagger into the hall.  Everyone - worker and Savior alike - drops to their knees.  Gabriel kneels too.  Negan does his schtick and promises that after he's gotten cleaned up, he and the committee will be figuring out how this all could have happened.  And then they'll get back to doing what they've always done: saving people.  As he saunters off, tossing a directive to his men to put Gabriel in a cell but treat him gently, a woman calls out, "Thank you, Negan.  Thank god for you!"  Negan grins at a flabbergasted Gabriel: "And that is why I am here."

Later, Eugene brings Gabriel a pillow and some food.  Gabriel is sick (why is he sick?), sweating and shaking.  Eugene says he'll get the Sanctuary's doctor and Gabriel looks up, saying that the Sanctuary's doctor is Maggie's doctor, kidnapped from the Hilltop.  Looks like Gabriel has found his purpose: he's going to bring the doctor back to Maggie.

And in the one WTF moment of the episode: as Rick tromps down the road, heading for wherever he is heading, he hears something.  He stops and looks up, just as a helicopter flies low overhead.  That's the first aircraft we've since the apocalypse started.  Wonder who's flying it?

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E4 "Some Guy" 11/12/17

Ezekiel finally gets to have an episode focused on him.  We start with a bit of a flashback: getting ready before launching the big fight against Negan, dressing, arming himself, walking out into the Kingdom and giving another speech.  The man does love to give speeches, even as Carol watches, bemused, but the thing of it is, his people thrive on his words.  He encourages them, lifts their spirits, rallies them.

And then we cut to now: the field where Ezekiel and Carol's band of mainly Kingdomites lay in bloody, bloody pieces, torn to bits by the Saviors' two .50 cal machine guns.

When the shit went down, Carol was out scouting.  Ezekiel was protected by a group of his people, shielding him with their bodies.  He drags himself out from under the pile.  His leg is injured and he crawls from corpse to corpse, turning them over, looking at their faces and their massive, ruptured wounds.  He allows himself a scream to the sky ... but it is cut short when the first of the dead stirs, coming back to life.  Soon enough, the King is crawling away from a herd of walkers.  His gun is empty, the next gun he picks up is empty, he's only got his sword/cane.  The walkers converge.  Ezekiel is saved - momentarily - when a still-living soldier of his rushes up, putting down the closest walkers and helping his king to stand.

That rescue is short-lived when a nerdy, glasses-wearing Savior kills the Kingdom soldier and forces Ezekiel to his feet.  This dude spends the next while badgering Ezekiel, telling him he's a con man with gullible subjects, waving a gun in the king's face and generally being a huge asshole.  All the while, the herd of walkers marches inexorably towards them.

Meanwhile, Carol makes her way through the warehouse where the Saviors are packing up those giant guns.  She is a calm, competent badass and when she hides in the ceiling and then takes out five of them, it's awesome (even though it's ridiculous because she shot through the drop ceiling and certainly couldn't have seen her targets).  More Saviors show up and she has to skedaddle, out to the door yard where she watches them load those big guns onto a jeep.

King Ezekiel and his captor are cornered at a chainlink fence.  Ezekiel is in a lot of pain and is beginning to lose his bravado.  The Savior decides that maybe he doesn't need to bring the King back alive - maybe his head will do.  But before things can get much worse, Jerry is there, swinging his big ax and splitting that Savior right about in two.  Jerry picks off the nearest walkers to buy some time and then tries to break the chain holding the gate together.  When Ezekiel tells him to stop calling him "your majesty," Jerry's all, "Dude, yes I do."  The walkers come closer and closer and Jerry can't get the chain off the gate.  He and Ezekiel are trapped and soon fighting hand to hand against the walkers.  Jerry:  "Thank you, your majesty."  Ezekiel, with no trace of his Shakespearean accent: "For what?"  Jerry: "For bein' such a cool dude."

In the door yard, not far from the fence where Ezekiel and Jerry are trapped, Carol and the Saviors start shooting a lot of bullets at each other.  It's basically a standoff and a ridiculous number of bullets are wasted.  Then Carol sees Ezekiel and Jerry, pinned down against the fence. She fakes out the Saviors and manages to open another gate behind her foes.  The walkers come in and attack the Saviors, giving Carol enough time to run to the fence by Ezekiel and Jerry.  She drops the walkers there with her machine gun and gets the chain off, letting the two men in to safety.

The remaining two Saviors drive off with the .50 caliber guns, however.  This distresses Ezekiel, since their mission had been to collect those guns, but then they catch the sound of Daryl's motorcycle in the distance.  Carol: "They're not getting away with the guns."

Another flashback, this one a little intrusive, given that the episode had been pretty involving up until this point, with Ezekiel and Carol talking and admitting that each of them made a choice to become who they are today.

As Daryl and Rick, in a jeep, run the Saviors off the road and capture those guns, Carol, Ezekiel and Jerry are on foot, trying to stay ahead of the herd of walkers.  Ezekiel's hurt leg is slowing them down and they end up trying to make their way through the woods.  They come upon a creekbed filled with barrels of toxic waste: the walkers milling around in there are pale and bloated - like that walker Ezekiel commented upon a couple of episodes ago (and we KNEW these toxic walkers would make another appearance) - and when Jerry hits them with his ax, they basically explode into disgusting white pus.  Carol, Ezekiel and Jerry try to get across the creek but there are a lot of walkers.  They struggle to get the king up the far side and he insists that he leave him there - he can buy them time.  In fact, he wastes some time by making another speech - time that would have been better spent climbing up that banking and getting away - crying out that he isn't a king, he isn't a leader, he's nothing, he's just some guy.

Just then, Shiva the magnificent CGI tiger leaps into the creek.  As she lays waste to several walkers, Carol and Jerry haul Ezekiel out of the creek.  He turns and calls to the tiger but she keeps fighting the walkers as they surround her.  Eventually, there are too many even for her and they collapse on her and begin to feed as Ezekiel screams her name.  (Apparently this is the way she dies in the comics, under a pile of walkers, sacrificing herself so Ezekiel can get away.)  The scummy water in the creek turns red with tiger blood.  I'm a little sad - yes, for the death of a CGI tiger based on a comic book tiger.

Carol, Ezekiel and Jerry finally return to the Kingdom.  They are the only ones to come back out of everyone who left.  The people of the Kingdom gather around their king, shock and sadness on their faces.  He can barely meet their gazes.  There are no speeches now.

Best episode of the season so far.  Even if the tiger had to die.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E3 "Monsters" 11/5/17

How is it possible that an ultraviolent show full of flesh-eating zombies and people on the ragged edge of humanity is so fucking BORING?  And why are we three episodes in with only minimal Michonne?  Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful that we haven't much been subjected to her "chemistry" with Rick (*gag*).  But Michonne is a kickass fighter and I miss that.  Perhaps her Black Panther schedule meant she couldn't be around so much?  I suppose that's it.  Sigh.  Guess I can't put this off any longer. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...

Sweet christ on a pony - King Ezekiel is STILL talking about their victories, one leading to another, and how they haven't lost a warrior yet.  He is obviously not up on his television tropes since this definitely means disaster for his war band by episode's end.  In the meantime, he and Carol and his fighters stick to their plan, remember their training and manage to decimate rather a lot of Saviors in several different places.

Morales makes Rick put his guns down and they talk and talk and fucking talk.  Nothing new is said.  Morales is all, you're a monster now, I'm a monster now, blah blah blah.  It seriously goes on for WAY too long and in addition to that being annoying, Morales calls Rick by his name practically every other sentence which makes no sense since there's only the two of them there.  Morales talks and talks and talks and no one cares, because who even remembers this guy?  And then, with no ceremony and HILARIOUSLY, Daryl comes up behind Morales and shoots an arrow into his head, just as Rick is all, "Wait - no!"  Daryl shrugs and retrieves his arrow; Rick looks stunned but that's sort of how he looks all the time now unless he's shouting at someone.

Meanwhile, outside, the Saviors have been called back into the building (where they will shortly be hunting Rick and Daryl).  Aaron takes advantage of the lull to get Eric to a quiet tree around the corner.  They pack Eric's gunshot wound as best they can and then Eric tells Aaron he needs to go back to the fight.  Aaron cries and snuffles and they both smooch and say "I love you."  Then Aaron gives Eric a rifle to defend himself and goes back to the fight, with many tearful backward glances.  You know this means Eric is going to die now, off-camera, right?  It would be touching if Eric had ever been given some depth character-wise.

Meanwhile, Tara, Morgan and Jesus are marching their captive Saviors back to the Hilltop.  Tara is very cranky about the prisoners but Jesus is insistent that they not be executed.  Morgan is even crankier about it - and seems to be holding onto his sanity by just a thread - and you know, I'm kind of with him and Tara on this.  The Hilltop is ill-equipped to contain a bunch of violent Saviors and I think this is a terrible idea on Jesus's part.  Luckily, they get interrupted when a small herd of walkers comes tumbling down a hillside into the group.  This is one of the best parts of the episode: seeing the zombies roll down the hill.  Tara, Morgan, Jesus et als fight the walkers; several of the tied-up captives get munched on.  But a string of captives take advantage of the distraction to make a run for it.

Morgan takes off after them, catches them and drops one or two.  Then Jesus catches up and he and Morgan fight about it.  Like, literally beat each other up over whether the captives should be killed or not.  Despite Morgan having his bo staff, Jesus gets the better of him with just his bare hands.  Morgan is pretty crazed here - seems like he's all all-or-nothing guy with respect to killing.  Personally, I miss Zen Morgan a bit: I think his philosophy was a tough sell in this post-apocalypse but Serial Killer Morgan is less interesting.  Finally, they stop fighting (Jesus wins, more or less) but Morgan.  Has.  Had.  Enough.  He's all, "I'm not right but that doesn't make me wrong."  As he runs off, unable to handle things right now, Tara calls after him, "Morgan! You are right!"

Meanwhile, the remaining Saviors who were shooting at Aaron's group are now inside, shooting at Daryl and Rick.  This goes on a LONG time (many, many bullets).  Neither Rick nor Daryl gets shot and Aaron's group finally comes in and picks off the Saviors.  Trouble is, there are no guns in this building like Dwight said there were.  Aaron runs out to check on Eric: there's a lot of blood under that tree, and Eric's abandoned rifle, and a walker in the distance who looks like it could be Eric.  Aaron has lots of sad feelings about this until another Alexandrian grabs him and leads him back to the rest of the group.  Rick comes out with that baby Gracie and a tearful Aaron says that he will take the baby to Maggie at Hilltop.

Meanwhile at Hilltop, that weasel Gregory has found his way home.  He shouts and begs and pleads (and is pretty funny in his weasel-osity).  Maggie makes him squirm for a while and then finally lets him in.  And then the sentry shouts for her: Tara and Jesus and their captives are at the gate.  Gregory vigorously protests letting them in and Maggie sends him off.  But she is reluctant, reminding Jesus that there are families - children - here.  Jesus pleads his case: we can't let them go and we can't kill them.  Maggie looks as though she's not entirely sure (but I'm guessing she'll let them live - and then regret it in the near future).

Rick and Daryl are the last to leave wherever it is they are.  A last Savior takes a shot at them and Rick makes a deal: if he tells them about the guns that were supposed to be there, they will give him a car and let him go - Rick gives him his word.  The Savior comes out with his hands up, tells them that the guns were moved a couple days ago (intel that Dwight apparently (?) didn't have).  Then Daryl shoots the guy in the head, dropping him.  Rick is all, but I gave my word!  And Daryl's all, dude, I so DNGAF.

Finally, King Ezekiel is crowing about his band's latest success.  Carol heads off to sweep the compound they just took.  Everyone else stands in the field and stabs the heads of Savior corpses to keep them from turning.  And then, Ezekiel catches sight of movement in a warehouse window.  He shouts for his people to take cover but it is too late: a massive volley of machine gun fire (the guns Rick and Daryl were hoping to find?) rakes the field, shredding a bunch of the King's men. That's okay just do not shoot the tiger.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E2 "The Damned" 10/29/17

I try to get my recaps of The Walking Dead up on Tuesdays:  the show airs Sundays (but late enough that I don't stay up to watch it); I watch the show straight through on Mondays; and I rewatch the show whilst recapping on Tuesdays.  This past Tuesday was Halloween and Mr. Mouse and I had gone out for dinner - we never get enough trick-or-treaters to make it worth staying home and handing out candy - and got back too late for me to want to drag out my laptop.  No big deal - it's not like anything happened.  I never thought that an episode of nothing but gun battles could be as boring as an episode of nothing but hanging around Herschel's farm, talking.  But yeah, it kinda was.

Extreme close-ups of:  Rick, Daryl, Aaron, Tara, Jesus and Morgan, all looking nervous and determined; Carol and Ezekiel, looking dazed and dusty.

Here's the thing, we now will spend the entire episode following several groups of our heroes as they execute various attacks on Savior installations.

Aaron, boyfriend Eric and a crew roll up behind their homemade armored cars and get into a shoot-out with a bunch of Saviors, some fighters and some workers.  There is much shooting of semiautomatic weapons.  Seriously, does no one reload?  Does no one worry about the finite amount of ammunition left in this world?  They shoot and shoot and shoot and no one tries to gain any ground.  The Saviors advance a little and start picking a few good guys off.  Then, apparently this has been going on for HOURS because the dead Saviors become zombified and turn on the living Saviors, who just stand there and get bit.  Because they can only fight against living people?  And how long does it take for a corpse to get back up again?  Because that seemed pretty quick.  Also, boyfriend Eric gets gutshot and Aaron is sad.  Eric's only characterizations are (1) ginger and (2) Aaron's boyfriend, so I'm not that torn up about it.

Morgan, Tara and Jesus are attacking a Savior outpost with big satellite dishes on top.  I don't know or can't remember why this outpost is important (food? weapons?) other than it is held by the Saviors.  They work their way through the building, picking off Saviors.  Morgan has clearly moved on from his not-killing-people stance (which is too bad because it made him interesting).  Jesus and Tara find a dude locked in a closet: Tara wants to kill him, Jesus wants to spare him and it turns out that Tara was right because the dude grabs Jesus and almost kills him.  Our heroes finally get the upper hand and Jesus insists on tying him up.  I'm sure that won't turn out to be a bad idea.  Meanwhile, in another part of the building, Morgan and two redshirts open a door.  The Saviors inside open fire, dropping them all before scampering away.  Some time later, it turns out that Morgan is, in fact, not dead; the two redshirts either are or are about to be.  Morgan stands up, shakes himself and then moves through the building to rejoin his team, implacably shooting a hell of a lot of people.  When he meets back up with Jesus, Tara et als., they have - against Tara's better judgment - convinced the remaining Saviors to put down their weapons and surrender.  Morgan looks like he's about to gun down the lot of them but Jesus talks him down.

Carol and Ezekiel's team is dazed by an explosion that went off at the end of last episode.  A bunch of zombies pour out of a building and they have to deal with them first, before setting off after one Savior (who set the explosion) because if he gets back to base, he'll tell Negan that they're coming.  Carol: "If he tells them we're here, it's over before it's started."  But I'm pretty sure that the Saviors are already aware they're under attack, so I'm not sure what the big urgency is.  Still, they start tracking the guy, Ezekiel doing his rah-rah-king spiel which makes his men happy and makes Carol roll her eyes.  As they track their quarry through the woods, they encounter a particularly gross walker - droopy and gloppy and swollen, with shredded flesh - and Ezekiel asks, "What befell this creature?"  I'm guessing that this will come back again at a later time but Carol brushes it off.  They keep going through the woods, tracking the runaway Savior.  He almost makes back to his outpost when another group of Kingdom soldiers appear - with Shiva.  That giant gorgeous CGI tiger pounces on the runaway Savior and kills him.  Ezekiel gives another rah-rah speech whilst scratching Shiva behind the ears.  I wonder if I'm the only one worried that Shiva will get a taste for human blood and turn on the good guys - I'm not sure a tiger can be trained to only kill Saviors.

Rick and Daryl work their way through another building, looking for a cache of guns that Dwight told them about.  It takes them a long time, picking off people as they go, working their way up floor by floor.  Rick and Daryl split up to cover more ground.  It still takes a long time.  Daryl finds a cell that looks like the one Negan held him in and he gets feelings about it.  Rick gets into a brutal skirmish with a Savior and ends up impaling the guy on a metal shelving bracket.  Then he finds a baby in a crib ("Gracie" on the wall) and gets feelings about the baby.  Then a dude comes up behind him with a gun, saying he's already radioed the Sanctuary and the Saviors are coming back.  Rick recognizes this guy from Atlanta (i.e., S1) and it's supposed to be important, I guess?  The guy's name is Morales and maybe the comic book fans are excited about this but honestly, I don't remember him at all and am having a tough time caring.

Extreme close-ups of:  Rick, Daryl, Aaron looking sweaty and worried; Morgan, Jesus and Tara with blank looks on their faces; Ezekiel and Carol with confident little smiles.

So yeah, lots of bullets, not so much actually happening.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S8E1 "Mercy" 10/22/17

Holy shit - season 8?  How is it possible that I have been watching this ridiculous show for that long?  I can't believe I've stuck with it - I'm really only in it for Daryl, Carol, Morgan and Shiva the CGI tiger.  Sometimes Maggie, now that she's become a badass.  Unfortunately, there's not quite enough of any of them in this S8 opener.  Anyway, the three communities - Alexandria, Hilltop and the Kingdom - have banded together and are going to war with Negan.

First scene:  Rick outside somewhere, sweaty, beaten-looking, dazed.  Next:  a well-put together house with Weird Al's "Another One Rides the Bus" playing faintly in the background for some reason, and  Old Man Rick, with grey hair and a truly HORRIFIC beard, opening his eyes in bed, fresh flowers on the bedside table.  It appears we will be having flash-forwards this season.  Sigh.

In the now, there are lots of preparations going on for this here upcoming war.  Blacksmithing and welding; Carol and Tara up on a building or overpass, timing a herd of walkers; Daryl and Dwight exchanging sneaky messages via arrow ("TOMORROW"); Rick (and later King Ezekiel and Maggie) making awful speeches.  Seriously: the writers cannot do an uplifting speech to save their lives.  Blah blah blah "We start tomorrow right now ..." UGH.  Just start shooting some shit already, would you?

Really, that's what most of this episode is: everyone gearing up.  There's a scene with Carl out searching for gasoline and getting spooked by an unseen person who sounds slightly unhinged but harmless, until Rick pops up, shooting into the air and chasing that person off.  Carl gives his dad an exasperated look and Rick's all, what? I shot over his head - I hope he'll be okay.  Carl:  Hope isn't enough anymore, dad.

Part of the preparations are picking off Negan's various lookouts and I now remember that Morgan is killing again (after that Kingdom kid from the end of last season), as he stabs a Savior in the back with the sharpened end of his staff.  Father Gabriel and Rick have a brief heart-to-heart.  Rick says goodbye to Judith - who has grown from a baby to a toddler seemingly overnight - and then kisses Michonne (and honest to God that was one of the most chemistry-free smooches I've ever seen).  Michonne and Carl are staying behind in Alexandria, to defend the town should it come to that.  Maggie, on the other hand, is on the front line with Rick and Ezekiel, leading her Hilltoppers.  She thanks Rick for showing her how to lead and he smiles, saying that's good because after this, he's following her.

Finally, it's time.  Carol, Tara, Daryl and Morgan start to lead a massive herd of walkers down the highway towards the Saviors' Sanctuary.  They blow shit up from time to time, the explosions drawing the herd, keeping them moving in the right direction.  Then they rig an explosive boobytrap on a route they know (from Dwight's intel) the Saviors will take to investigate the explosions.  A stray walker almost sets it off but Morgan scampers down and drops it, just before the Saviors drive through.  The trap goes off, obliterating those Savior cars.

Another couple of flash-forwards:  sweaty/sad Rick; and happy Old Man Rick, living in peace and happiness with Michonne and Carl.

Meanwhile, the main rebel contingent has driven their armor-plated cars right up to the Sanctuary, then getting out and into place, guns a-ready.  They fire enough shots to draw out Negan and his upper cadre (Dwight, Simon, Gavin, Regina, Eugene)  And there's a shitload of talking.  Ugh.  Negan talks and talks and OMIGOD WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE WITH A RIFLE JUST PICK HIM OFF?  He's right there in the open, just fucking shoot him and end this shit.  The Saviors would fall apart without him.  But no, it's Rick's turn to start talking and he offers sanctuary to anyone - other than Negan - who surrenders.

More talking.  More talking.  Negan isn't even scary anymore.  He's just annoying as shit, then he does something atrocious, then he's annoying.  Repeat ad nauseam.  Also, he drags out that asshole Gregory who proclaims that any Hilltopper who fights against Negan will be tossed out.  To which Jesus snarkily shouts, "The Hilltop stands with Maggie."  And Simon gets annoyed with Gregory and pushes him down a flight of stairs.  Heh.

Finally, the time for talking is over and the rebels open fire.  And WTF is this?  They shoot out all the windows in the warehouse.  Like using thousands of rounds of semiautomatic ammunition.  How is this part of the plan?  Does no one remember that no one is making bullets anymore?  So wasteful.

Tara, Morgan and Carol split off and Daryl leads the walker herd through the streets to the Sanctuary, setting off explosions as he goes.  When the walkers are about to reach the gates, Father Gabriel sets the armored RV to moving; it rolls into the fence and explodes, opening the Sanctuary up to invasion.  The rebels get in their cars and drive off, except for Rick and Gabriel.  Rick has Negan pinned down behind some wreckage and is wasting bullets shooting straight into the metal.  Gabriel grabs him and is all, the plan is we leave now.  Amazingly, Rick hears him, jumps in his armored car and drives off.  Gabriel is about to follow him when he sees Gregory wailing helplessly.  Abandoning the plan, Gabriel stops to pick him up.  But they get pinned down and then Gregory panics, jumping in Gabriel's car and driving off, leaving the preacher stranded and alone.  And here comes that herd of walkers.

At the rendezvous, Rick and Daryl are all, I don't think Gabriel's going to make it.  They stick to the plan and everyone moves off, heading to the next stage.  Which is taking out Savior outposts; Morgan and Tara lead one team, Rick and Daryl another, Carol and Ezekiel a third.  The good guys may start taking some casualties in this phase but we'll have to wait until next week to find out.

Back at the Sanctuary, walkers flood in.  Gabriel manages to hide in a storage trailer but unluckily for him, that's where Negan has taken refuge too.  I'm guessing something atrocious may happen soon.

Flash-forwards:  Alexandria is getting ready for a festival and Judith drags her dad outside.  He has a limp, uses a cane and is wearing pajamas and a bathrobe.  And then it's sweaty, dazed Rick, sitting under a tree with a framed piece of stained glass above him, muttering about mercy.

We close with now-Rick, speechifying:  "If we start tomorrow right now, no matter what comes next, we've won.  We've already won!"  What the fuck does that even mean?  It's borderline incoherent.  This show ...

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead

P.S.  If only they would make a full series of this, I would switch over in a minute: