Sookie: "I'm a faerie? How fucking lame!" Bill explains that somewhere down the line, a male fey hooked up with one of Sookie's female ancestors and the subsequent end result was Sookie, a human/faerie hybrid. (But that would mean that Jason is part faerie too, right? Is he going to suddenly develop powers now too?) Bill goes on to tell her that as far as anyone knows, the whole faerie race was wiped out by vampires who craved their ultra-delicious, "intoxicating" blood. (Except that Claudine and her glowing cronies, who are clearly still in existence somewhere, just maybe not on the earthly plane anymore.) Sookie wonders if it's her tasty bloodd that makes Bill so attracted to her. He insists that no, he loves her for her.
In the aftermath of Jason's obliterating Franklin with that wooden bullet, Jason starts to freak out a little. Tara takes charge, telling him they'll bury the sludgy remains and burn Franklin's clothes. She spits on the patch of bloody dirt. Meanwhile, Sam is back in his trailer, disinfecting his shredded hands with booze and remembering the bad old days when he was a grifter and a thief, and he was double-crossed by the blonde chickie he was with and her boyfriend. I'm just not buying the whole "Sam Merlotte was a bad dude" thing. Sure, he's had his secrets but this seems to have come on too suddenly, like the writers were stretching, trying to find a use for cute Sam Trammel.
At Fangtasia, Eric is making out his will and leaving everything to Pam. She is furious with him for not putting up a fight. He says that he's only covering his bases and her ass, making sure she's taken care of if he can't defeat the older and much more powerful Russell Edgington.
Lafayette drives to his house, realizing that they'll never make it to a hospital before the badly beaten Calvin kicks the bucket. He runs inside and brings out some V, pouring it into Calvin's mouth. In just a few moments, the wounded man heals in front of their eyes. Jesus marvels and Crystal weeps with joy. An ungrateful Calvin backhands her across the face: "You let these faggots put vamper juice in me?" He runs into the woods, his daughter shrieking and following. Lafayette: "Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash." Heh. Out in the woods, Calvin chews Crystal out for chasing after a human and mixing with outsiders instead of keeping to her place. She snivels that she doesn't love Felton and won't go back to him. She runs off and he calls after her that she's dead to him and no daughter of his.
While Sookie sleeps on Jason's couch, Bill goes outside to find Eric waiting for him. Eric knows that Sookie is part faerie, and what her blood can do, and that Queen Sophie-Ann sent Bill to Bon Temps to get close to her. Bill says okay, but the partial faerie blood will only keep a vampire in the sun for a few moments before a slow burn starts. They start snarling at each other and Eric dares Bill to "tell Sookie the truth." Sookie's come up behind them and wants to know what truth. They blow her question off and Eric bids them both farewell, wishing Sookie the best since he won't be around for much longer.
Hoyt drives Summer back to her home and she all but throws herself at him, unbuttoning her blouse and saying that even tho' "God likes girls to wait," she'll give it up for him since he's a "sexual being." Hoyt cannot get out of there fast enough.
Tired and bloody, Jason and Tara go back to Jason's house and are none too pleased to find Bill there. Tara is snarling and defensive and tells Sookie that she's had enough of vampires who kidnap you and tie you up and tape you so you can't scream, and rape you and try to turn you ... and the "man" that Sookie loves didn't lift a finger to help. Sookie's eyes fill with tears and she grabs Tara into a hug. Outside, Bill tells Jason to get his shotgun and be careful: werewolves are really fast.
Back at Lafayette's house, Jesus has decided that he wants to try a V trip. Lafayette is reluctant at first, saying that the drug is intense and unpredictable, but Jesus is persuasive, saying that they are connected to mystic power and the V could take them even closer. Soon enough, the drug kicks in as the boys are dancing with each other, the little gods and idols on Lafayette's mantle dancing along with them.
In the morning, all the Merlotte's employees are nervous and jerky around Sam until he tells them that Calvin is okay and they should just act normal. Holly offers up some black cohosh to smooth him out a little. Sam asks if she's got anything for "nosiness and bad boundaries." She apologizes, saying she's a Wiccan and this is what she does, offer up remedies. He says it's okay, seeing how she's new, but the bar has two rules: no dancing and no religion.
After Bill has gone to ground, Jason tells Sookie what happened with Franklin and then, distraught, tells her that he's the one who shot Eggs, not Andy. She's shocked and tells him that Tara has got to know. He doesn't want to tell Tara, saying he's protecting her from the truth.
The V trip gets deeper and weirder, making the boys speak out of each other's mouth and sending them through time and space: to visit Jesus' Abuela, a kindly witch who saved people from spells; to one of his Mexican Tias, another witch who solved fertility problesm; to Lafayette's great-great-great grandma May and her daughter Winnie, salves who were conjurers and who never had to share their masters' beds because of their powers; and to Jesus's scary Abuelo, a sorceror versed in the dark arts, from whom Jesus's mother ran away, trying to protect her son from her father's big plans. The old sorceror looks up at them and they scream, and bounce out of the V trip. Lafayette is freaked out but Jesus thinks that was way cool.
Sookie has a dream about Eric, and knows it's a dream; dream Eric tells her to enjoy it since she knows she has feelings for him. Sookie: "Eew." He kisses her and she kisses him back a little. Dream Eric tells her that she can't trust Bill and she wakes up with a start, her brother looking at her curiously as he takes a breakfast tray in to Tara. Unable to restraint himself, he admits to having shot Eggs. Her face moves with shock and horror and grief - she's had about all she can take and runs out. When Jason comes out into the living room, he sees the note Sookie has left: Gone out, back soon.
Sam goes wandering out in the woods, drinking and remembering the bad old days again when, as a cute beagle, he tracked the two who double-crossed him, then shifted to human and shot them both. Ah, so we're supposed to accept that Sam is REALLY a bad ass and not to be trifled with. Whatever. I'm still not buying it.
Sookie has gone to confront Eric at Fangtasia, barging into his office and demanding to know what he meant by not being around much longer. He doesn't want to talk about that and reminds her that she's not to trust Bill. Also, he wants to kiss her before Russell kills him. He grabs her and kisses her and she really kisses him back and it is HOT - they have much, much more chemistry than she and Bill do. Pam bursts in: "Blah blah vampire emergency blah blah." Heh. Eric follows her out and wants to know WTF. Pam points out that they're in a ration of shit and he's too busy making out with the solution to realize that he should give Sookie up to Russell in exchange for their lives. Eric says he won't do that and Pam sneers that he would have done anything to save Godric. If he won't give Sookie to Russell, he ought to figure out how to use her.
Speaking of Russell, the crazy King goes trolling and picks up a male prostitute who looks vaguely like poor Talbot. They go back to the whore's place and after sex, Russell gets weepy, talking to the confused whore like he's really Talbot. Then, bereft, Russell stakes the poor guy who, being human, dies slowly and in great pain as the vampire cries against his shoulder.
At Merlotte's, Arlene asks Holly if they can talk about alternate ways to get rid of Rene's evil baby. Holly nods solemnly. Hoyt shows up and announces to Jessica that he loves her and wants her back. Tommy watches jealously. Jessica says that Hoyt doesn't know all the horrible things she's done ... and enjoyed doing. He tells her again that he loves her and knows what he wants, but she can't get any more words out and he leaves the bar, hurt. Tommy chases after him, sneering, "Nice work in there, dude." Hoyt punches him and Tommy, infuriated, shifts into his pitbull and attacks Hoyt, ripping into his arm. Jessica hears the commotion and rushes out. She grabs the pitbull and flings it into the bushes, then looks at Hoyt's shredded arm. She bites into her own wrist and makes Hoyt drink her blood, telling him that she loves him. Tommy, shifted back into human form, watches them from the underbrush.
When Jason returns home from looking for his sister, Bill grabs him and shoves him against the wall, wanting to know where Sookie is. The vampire is angry, saying that Jason was supposed to protect her. Jason is first sorry and then snaps, shouting for Bill to shut the fuck up and get off him, and to get the fuck out of his house. The invitation to enter is rescinded and Bill is physically sucked out the front door, shock evident on his face. Jason sags against the wall, then hears something in the back of the house. He peeks into his bedroom and is speechless to see a huge black panther sitting in the middle of the room. As he watches, the panther shifts into a naked Crystal.
Wait. Wait a fucking minute. This show is out of control. First it was vampires and mind-readers, then shapeshifters and maenads, then werewolves and faeries and sorcerors and witches and now fricking werepanthers? Seriously, this show is lacking some focus.
Eric returns to his office and throws Sookie over his shoulder. As she struggles, Bill, in Bon Temps, hears her screams and takes off. Eric takes her to the basement and chains her by the neck to a pillar. Apparently Pam persuaded him and he's some some sort of plan now.
Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood
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