Let’s try an experiment, shall we? I think we shall, partly because I’m feeling a little under the weather (just a head cold coming on, nothing horrific) and partly because no one is reading these stupid Heroes recaps anymore … not because my recaps are stupid but because Heroes is. So we’re going to go all pared-down this time as I attempt to distill each scene to its absolute essence. Obviously, if there are a lot of Mohinder scenes, I’ll just be screaming “Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!!!!!!!”
Gretchen would be more attractive without that severe middle part. Claire really doesn’t want to talk about the Carnies or Nathan’s death, although she appreciates (sort of) Gretchen’s support. Also: Sylar is on campus.
Mohinder goes off to do something “heroic” (where I hope that “heroic” means “and is never heard or seen from again”) and Hiro faints, coming to his “senses” in the middle of a wonky trial in Charlie’s diner. It’s the World vs. Hiro Nakamura, where his father is the judge and Adam/Kensei is the blond and snarky prosecutor. It’s quite possible that everyone at the trial is dead, which makes me wish that Mohinder had gone there.
Vanessa is still cranky about Samuel having kidnapped her, despite his attempts to be charming.
Now, I’m super-happy to see Adam again but it pisses me off that we’re spending time on this dream world bullshit. Could we possibly move this damn show forward? No? Anyway, Hiro is on trial for bending space and time and stuff and crimes against nature or something. Whatever.
Sylar wants Claire to help him get his mojo back. She’s still angry about Nathan, if you can imagine that. However, Sylar has kidnapped Gretchen to encourage Claire to play along. If Claire doesn’t stop making that frowny face so much, she’s going to get wrinkles.
Sylar wants to figure out how he and Claire turned out so differently when they have so much in common: being adopted and abandoned; being raised by parents who didn’t understand them; having adoptive fathers who were killers; currently being indestructible. Claire’s like: you’re a damn psychopath. So Sylar thinks he’ll try pulling the answers out of her head using Lydia’s technique of touch (rather than slice) and he kisses Claire. It’s yucky.
Samuel starts to melt Vanessa’s frosty heart by buying her a strawberry milkshake. It’s a yummy looking shake, for sure.
Diner dream trial: Sylar is going to be the prosecution’s star witness.
Sylar tells Claire that she uses her power to build walls around herself, and she might end up being alone all her life, just like him. There’s quite a bit of “gosh, aren’t you closeted” too. So Claire stabs him in the eye with a pencil she had up her sleeve and runs off to rescue Gretchen. And because this show is SO LAME, Sylar writhing on the floor, screaming, with a pencil sticking out of his eye is actually FUNNY.
Diner dream trial: Sylar testifies that Hiro told him he could kill anyone he wanted if he spared Charlie. He lists a whole bunch of them, including Atomic Ted. Aw – I miss Atomic Ted. The prosecution rests.
Samuel has worn Vanessa down: they reminisce about the cottage they imagined together as children. Then he takes her to the gorgeous meadow he had his Heroes grow where he has … built the dream cottage. She says this is a fantasy, his fantasy, and while it’s very beautiful, she can’t live here with him. Samuel is crushed and very upset. This won’t end well, I suspect.
Claire finds Gretchen tied up but unharmed in their room. Then the lights fizzle out and all the windows implode. At this point, doesn’t Gretchen really wish she’d never met Claire? I mean, really?
The girls hide in a utility closet (like, SUBTLE, writers) and Claire stutters her way through apologizing for shutting herself off, and maybe the way for Sylar to regain his humanity is to lose all his powers. So then Gretchen morphs back into Sylar who pretty much says thanks for the insight and takes off. Claire finds the real Gretchen, alive and well, in the student center, and they hold hands, deciding to give being together a shot. This is so forced.
Diner dream trial: Hiro takes the stand in his own defense, stating that when he got powers, he vowed to only ever use them for good. Despite this, his father finds him guilty. And back at the hospital, in the real world, Hiro’s heart is failing.
After the commercial, another dream sequence: Hiro and Adam fight with samurai swords as Hiro fights for his life on the hospital table. Adam eventually gets a sword in the gut and then the sound cuts out on my stupid Comcast cable. But still, Hiro’s mom shows up to heal him, and then he recovers in real life.
Sad Samuel goes back for another milkshake and yells at the poor waitress. I don’t know what he’s saying but he gets angrier and angrier and finally swallows the whole town. The Carnies watch from a distance and are fearful.
Montage of Claire and Gretchen, Ando and Hiro … and then Sylar has shown up on Parkman’s doorstep to chat up Parkman’s wife. Don’t know why – still can’t hear anything – not sure I actually care.
There. I captured everything pertinent and it was much less painful for all involved. Especially since Mohinder left in the first scene and never came back.
Previously on Heroes / next time on Heroes
6 hours ago