True Blood episode recap "If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'" S4E3

Sookie has not quite figured out that Eric is not himself - she doesn't get it until he lunges at her through the window.  She runs and he chases her and then she punches him in the nose, shouting "I am not your fucking dinner!"  He pouts that she broke his nose and then calls her "Snooki" (heh), then says that he knows he's a vampire but doesn't remember who he is.  He tells her about the witch and the chanting and how everything he was was taken from him.  Sookie says she'll help him deal with this but: "You do not touch me and you certainly do not bite me."  He agrees to her terms.

Back at the Moongoddess Emporium, everyone is freaking out, not realizing that Eric has been ensorcelled - Marnie can't remember what she did to make the vampire leave.  Oh, for chrissakes: over at Hotshot, the hillbillies sit around a campfire, eating raw meat and talking about their werepanther folklore, all sorts of "Ghost-momma/Ghost-daddy" bullshit.  What. The. Fuck.  This is so stupid.  And if Jason turns into a werepanther, plus with Lafayette being a witch, there will basically be no real humans left in Bon Temps at all.  Jessica stops by the mansion to see Bill, and confesses to cheating on Hoyt.  Her maker tells her that she needs to talk to her boyfriend about it.  Jessica: "I hate my life."  She goes home and immediately tells Hoyt about drinking that fangbanger.  He's so upset, hurt and furious.  She can't stand that she hurt him so she glamours him, taking away his pain and the memory of what she did.

Sookie calls Pam to tell her that Eric seems to not be remembering much; Pam drops everything and races over.  When she bursts in, Eric jumps up, all "Who the fuck's she?" Pam: "Fuck.  Fuck!  What do you remember about me?"  Eric doesn't remember anything and Pam freaks out, saying he's vulnerable and will need protection - and don't tell Bill because it's possible that Bill set Eric up, sending him after those witches. Sookie promises to keep Eric here with her.  Later, after dressing Eric in Jason's old athletic shorts and a cut-off shirt (he looks like a fool in that outfit), Sookie takes him downstairs to the bunker under her house so he'll be safe when the sun comes up.

Here's another storyline I don't care about: Sheriff Andy Bellefleur being a V addict.  It makes him feel brave, powerful, together, not a yammering spaz.  In the morning, Sookie goes to Shreveport to see Alcide who is living there now.  She tries to get him to take care of Eric but she gets spooked when Debbie shows up, bearing white trash appetizers (Vienna sausages, for example).  Debbie asks for Sookie's forgiveness (for trying to kill her last season), saying she's been clean and sober for over a year.  Sookie's all, yeah, okay, I gotta go.

Here's yet another storyline I don't care about:  Tommy finds out that a mineral company might want to buy Maxine Fortinberry's natural gas rights.  He tries to rope Sam into helping him swindle Maxine but Sam, obviously, refuses.  Back up at Hotshot, Jason is in rough shape from the panther bites, all burning up with fever.  Crystal says that means the panther in him is taking hold.  She gives him some Mexican Viagra and kisses him.  He passes out; when he comes to, she's on top of him, riding him hard.  Behind her, all the other Hotshot womenfolk are lined up, waiting for their turns.

Lafayette goes to Fangtasia to beg for Eric's forgiveness, not knowing what happened.  Pam throws him in the basement dungeon but Tara and Jesus rescue him, saying they can bring Marnie to her to reverse the spell.  Pam: "I'll give you twenty-four hours to bring that witch to me - and then I'll personally eat, fuck and kill each one of you."  I adore Pam.  Back at the Moongoddess Emporium, Marnie communes with the spirits, looking for the one who helped her with Eric.  Her accent, supposed to be Southern, is all over the frigging place.

That night, Sookie's faerie godmother pays her a visit, trying to get her to return to the faerie land.  Sookie refuses and then Eric appears, on top of the faerie, draining her dry.  The faerie dies, exploding into sparkles.  "You just killed my faerie godmother!" shouts Sookie.  Eric, wiping his lips, not at all sorry: "Sorry."

Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood