Thursday, September 3, 2015

True Blood episode recap S6E3 "You're No Good"

Governor Burrell's daughter, Willa, has of course invited Eric in.  He tells her that she's about to die for her father's sins and fangs up.  But just before he starts to feed on her, she gasps that killing her won't stop her father but she can tell Eric about the experiments.  "What experiments?"  And when the Governor's armed anti-vamp squad busts into Willa's room, guns drawn, neither she nor Eric are there.

Jessica switches off the television and presses Bill, asking who is going to burn and WTF, really.  He's all, I HAVE TO STOP IT and tells her that she was there in his vision, burning in the sun.  He doesn't know how or where but she, Eric, Pam, Tara, et als., are all going up in flames.  "So help me, Jess, I will stop this!"  Jessica sniffles.

Over at the Stackhouse house, Sookie practices her little ball of light while Jason sits uncomfortably in the living room with Granddad.  Granddad Niall senses a disturbance in the force - "Warlow!" - and goes outside, telling Jason to keep Sookie in the house.  Jason runs out after him, however, and immediately clutches his head, wailing.  Sookie, ignoring Niall's admonitions to stay inside in case it's Warlow here for her, rushes out and drags her brother back inside.  They don't know what's wrong with him.  Niall tells them to be careful and heads back out, hunting for Warlow.

Eric brings Willa to Fangtasia and Pam and Tara - Nora is gone, Pam doesn't the fuck know where - are all pissed off about everything.  Eric says that the Governor's men are after them and they should pack up anything at the bar they're nostalgic about before they leave it behind for good.  Pam is sorrowful and angry; Tara is mostly just angry, pissed off that Eric - who severed his tie with Pam - is still bossing Pam around.  Eric snarls at them, though, and they flounce off in a snit.  Eric turns back to Willa who says he doesn't have to kill her or glamour her, she'll tell him all about the camp because it sickens her.  The Governor appropriated a bunch of taxpayer money and built this underground facility where they do all kinds of tests on vampires - physical, psychological, surgical, etc.  Eric is all, WHERE IS THIS CAMP.

Actually, Reverend Steve the Vampire Newlin is just now being dragged into said camp, bound and gagged and hooded.  He's not happy, is little ol' Steve.

Sam and Lafayette come to, finally, in Sam's trailer where annoying Nicole and her annoying boyfriend Jesse dragged them after the werewolf beat-down.  Nicole tells Sam that the werewolves took Emma.  Jesse has ALL SORTS of questions about werewolves and Lafayette, helping himself to some of Sam's personal tequila, suggests strongly that he forget all about what happened tonight.  Nicole decides they should go, first offering her help to Sam if he goes after Emma.  Sam's all, thanks but no thanks.  After they're gone, Lafayette wants to know the plan.  Sam wants to send him home and go it alone but Lafayette ain't havin' none of that.  "Yes, I is in, and what's the motherfuckin' plan, boyfriend?"

Eric brings his little band of misfits to Ginger's house (remember Ginger?  the screaming and fainting and hugely stupid human barmaid from Fangtasia).  The sun is coming up and it's time to go to ground.  Eric appropriates Ginger's coffin (is she a vamp now? do I care?) for him and Willa; Pam and Tara go with Ginger to her "shitty little underground cubby."  Pam and Tara are not at all pleased about any of this.  Over at Bill's plantation house, the sun is also coming up and Bill is convinced that he is immune to its rays because in his vision with Lilith, they were standing in the noonday sun.  Jessica is all YOU ARE GOING TO DIE but he shoos her away, standing outside and waiting for the sun with opened arms.  Of course, he immediately bursts into flames.  A sobbing Jessica hides under a blanket and rushes out to get him, dragging him back inside to safety.  He is a mess, charred and bleeding.  "I don't understand!" he sobs as she rocks him, sobbing herself.

Niall has made his way to the field where the hidden faerie speakeasy is.  He goes inside and the mess is a shambles, covered in blood.  He can sense all the poor faeries' deaths.  He finds one alive, just barely, and asks what happened.  An extremely vampire got in - no idea how - and laid waste to them all.  Niall shakes his head and euthanizes the dying faerie, saying he is sending him home.

A little later that morning, Sookie checks in on Jason.  She doesn't think he looks at all well and wants to take him to the doctor.  He's all, not, I'm getting better and the hallucinations seem to be gone.  Sookie's all, you were hallucinating?  Jason: "Like a motherfucker!  [earlier, when they were arming up against the Authority] you didn't notice I was actin' all crazy, and more racist than normal?"  He explains that was because he was seeing their parents whispering all sorts of horrible things to him.  Sookie squeezes his hand.

In storylines I don't care about:  Holly shows up at the sheriff's office to complain about the vampire curfew not being enforced.  She starts railing on Andy until she notices his four faerie daughters giggling the hallway:  the girls have now aged up to about ten or eleven years old.  Andy:  "Yeah, I know.  It's weird, right?"  He says that yes, he wants to help her with her vampire problem and asks her to take a ride with him.  They and the girls go out to Andy and Terry's secret hideout in the woods (Fort Bellefleur, remember?) and he teaches her how to shoot a gun to protect herself.  He says that they don't ever have to get naked together again, but he would like to be her Fort Bellefleur some day.  Slowly, Holly starts to warm up to him.

In other unfortunate storylines, the police have showed up at Martha's house.  Alcide growls to her that Emma needs to shift ASAP and goes out to talk to the cops.  They are, of course, looking for Emma and they have a photo.  Alcide says he hasn't seen her but the cops want to talk to Martha, seeing how she's the girl's grandmother and all.  Ricki the were-bitch goes inside to fetch Martha out.  When the older woman has gone outside, Ricki leans over the little girl and snarls evilly, telling her to fuckin' shift right fuckin' now!  Martha and Alcide do their best to move the cops along but they insist on going in the house.  Luckily (?), Emma has shifted into the little wolf puppy.  After the cops leave, Ricki is all, taking this girl is a bad fucking idea.  Alcide puts her in her place, though, saying that Emma no longer has a father thanks to him, and she's a wolf, and she's part of the pack.

Willa wakes up in the coffin and wants to talk with Eric.  He's all, "I'm a vampire.  I'm supposed to be dead during the day."  She persists, blah blah blah, and tries to get a little snuggly with him.  But he shoots her down because he needs to be dead right now.

Out in the daylight, Ben is limping up the road just as Niall comes out of the faerie speakeasy.  (Which I believe lends credence to my Ben is Warlow theory, him being in the vicinity at just the right time - although I'm not sure how a vampire could have any faerie characteristics.  (It's not a well-fleshed-out theory.))  Niall finds out that Ben knows Sookie and asks him to join the fight against Warlow.  Ben's all, I would be honored!

That evening, Bill is heading out to "run errands."  Jessica wants to go with him and he gets all stuffy like he does: "You are in peril, Jessica.  I cannot let you take the risk."  Who the hell says "in peril" these days?  She's all, don't shut me out - you have to let me help.  Fine.  He sends her off to the university to find some professor who is said to be the guy who developed Tru Blood.  And, ick, Bill says, "You should wear something inappropriate.  [This professor] has a thing for young women."  So Jess is dressed in a short skirt, thigh-high stockings and hooker heels when she shows up at the professor's class.  After the lecture, she chats him up and he's totally into her [ICK ICK ICK].  He asks if she wants to do some private tutoring, perhaps starting tonight.  Jess is all, oh, it has to be tonight and grabs him.

Back at the vampire internment camp, Steve Newlin is delighted when his little blonde wife Sara shows up.  "Sara! You're here to save me!"  She laughs coldly, "Oh, you're funny.  You were never funny when you were human."  So, not here to save him then.  He starts crying, saying that he's so scared.  Sara is all, you hurt me and scared me and disappeared with our friends and our money.  She perches on his lap and enthuses that this camp is everything that they used to want: God's plan to eradicate the vampire race.  Plus, she's in politics now where she can really affect some change.  She says bye-bye to Steve as the doctor comes in.  The doctor wants to know about Eric Northman and only has to wave an ominous hypodermic syringe around to get Steve more than willing to talk.

Back in Bon Temps, Bill knocks on Sookie's door, wanting to talk to her.  He says he needs her help and if she won't, Eric, Pam, Jessica, Tara and others will die.  This is enough to get her to open the door and ask, WTF?  He's all, I had a vision and she's all, this is because you drank fucking Lilith blood.  She is not at all inclined to help him.  Unfortunately, with his new powers, he can come into the house even if he isn't invited and, when Jason rushes to intercept, Bill telekinesises him across the room.  Sookie is all what do you want?!?  Bill is all, "I need your blood - there's a scientist who can synthesize your blood.  My progeny needs this to be saved!"  Sookie, scared and but still defiant:  "You're not a god, Bill.  You're just an asshole!"  Nice.  She absolutely refuses to give him her blood.  He looms over her, asking if she won't reconsider.  Absolutely not.  Bill: "You're dead to me now, Sookie Stackhouse."  Sookie:  "I'm good with that."

Nicole, Jesse and their equally annoying cohorts drive up to Alcide and the werewolves' compound.  The kids introduce themselves as a nonviolent coalition trying to unite humans and supernaturals but the werewolves get belligerent very quickly, especially when they realize the kids have been videoing them.  As an owl (Sam, I assume) watches from a fencepost, the pack, led by Ricki, shift and tear into the human kids, killing three of them.  Nicole is injured but manages to limp away, especially after Wolf-Alcide keeps another wolf from getting her.  Sam shifts into human form and grabs Emma.  They run out into the woods after Nicole, knowing she doesn't have a chance otherwise.

Ginger answers Eric's phone:  it's the Governor, who knows that Eric has his daughter.  As they chat, the Governor is tracing the call, of course.  Eric thinks his phone is untraceable, however, and grandstands a bit (but the Governor's tech guys do capture the location).  The Governor - bullshitting, I believe - promises to rescind all his latest proclamations and Eric says, okay, I'll put Willa on the phone.  But Tara and Willa have disappeared.  An exasperated Pam flies out the window after her progeny; Eric gives his phone to Ginger and tells her to stall.

Niall and Ben have returned to Sookie's house.  They tells the Stackhouse siblings about what happened at the faerie speakeasy and Niall says there are clearly some things they don't know about Warlow. [Ben is totally Warlow!  Especially since Sookie can feel it when he listens in on her thoughts - but she's never been able to sense other faeries or halflings doing it.]  [Also, button your damn shirt, Ben.]  Then Niall starts to get twitchy, sensing a vampire outside.  It's Nora, who is all, I'm looking for Warlow too!  And then Jason collapses unconscious and gets everybody upset.

Bill is on his way home, walking in the dark, when Sheriff Andy pulls him over, reminding him about the vampire curfew.  Bill catches a whiff of faerie about him, though, and learns about the new daughters, and all of a sudden, Bill doesn't so much need Sookie's blood anymore.

Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood

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