Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #16 Devour

In which I am led astray by my Jensen Ackles crush ... I solely picked Devour because he was in it - baby-faced too, at age 27.  I knew it was going to be bad - it had to be bad.  And it was, starting with the terrible music at the opening credits.

Young Jake (JA) is a nice young man/student/computer nerd who has been having waking nightmares for a while.  For his birthday, his friend Conrad signs him up for a secret video game where the game calls you and gives you tasks to do.  (Note: it's really not a video game, despite the EVIL VIDEO GAME!! promos; you sign up online and then get phone calls that mess with your head.  Not actually a video game.)  Conrad and Jake's one-time hook-up Dakota (Dominique Swain) sign up too and before you know it, (1) Conrad has shot two kids in his dorm and then killed himself, and (2) Dakota butchers a professor who won't stop coming on to her and then kills herself.  Jake starts investigating what's going on, hooks up with Shannyn Sossamon, nurse/Tarot afficionado, and soon enough he's tracking down devil-worshippers because WTF is going on with this movie. 

I dozed off for a moment and woke up a little lost but I don't think it matters because all of a sudden it turns out Jake is adopted (did we know this?) and SPOILER not only is he Shannyn Sossamon's character's lover but also her son because she is a demon.  And then Jake gets hauled off to jail for killing everyone.

My notes:  THAT WAS RIDICULOUS AND ALSO TERRIBLE.  I mean, a little gross but not scary and pretty incoherent.  And it's like the writers started doing an evil video game movie, then decided halfway through to switch to demonic possession but didn't bother to go back to fix the first bit.  Not at all recommended.  And WTF is with capitalizing the V in "devour?"  I'm not doing that.