Eighth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #6 V/H/S 2

A lot of people really hated the first of this anthology series, V/H/S - apparently I didn't but found it tiresome and a little shallow.  This second installment (V/H/S 2) was also tiresome and I'm going to shout here but WHO THE FUCK USES VHS TAPES IN 2013?  It is entirely possible to do actual stories with short movies so why can't these horror directors?  While there are some decent moments in these four shorts, the dialogue is largely terrible and the characters uninteresting.  Whee!

Framework story:  Tape 49. A couple of private investigators break into an apartment looking for a missing college student.  They find a bunch of televisions and hundreds of VHS tapes.  One investigator sits down to watch the tapes.

Phase I Clinical Trials.  An asshole gets an experimental prosthetic eye after losing his own in an accident.  There are side effects: the eye sees ghosts/malevolent spirits.  It ends badly.  My notes say: "Shit. Fake found footage films always make me queasy."

Framework.  The PIs are not alone in the apartment.  So they watch another tape.

A Ride in the Park.  A kid Go-Pros his ride on the BORINGEST mountainbike trail on the planet.  Seriously, until the zombies show up, who would ever want to watch that footage?  Oh.  Zombies show up, the MTBer gets bitten, he turns and bites other people, including the attendees at a child's birthday party - all of which is captured on the Go-Pro.  This one was pretty gory (intestines!) but also kind of fun.

Framework.  The PIs are not alone in the apartment and the girl one has a migraine and bloody nose.  So they watch another tape.

Safe Haven.  A clueless (and somewhat douchebaggy) documentary crew films a death/doomsday cult in Indonesia right at the end of days.  This one I actually liked for a while: it was very creepy with all the cult members.  Then things just went batshit crazy with lots of heads getting blown off by shotguns and skittering ceiling walkers and zombies and exploding cult leaders and demons bursting out of women's wombs.  There was a lot of yelling and squishy blood and the goat-demon is the awesomest low budget puppet ever.  So there's that.

Framework.  The girl PI is unconscious or dead so the other one watches another tape.

Slumber Party Alien Abduction.  The title of this short tells you EXACTLY what happens.  There's a dog-cam, all the teenagers are completely unlikable assholes and it's very loud.

Framework.  Everybody (or possibly nobody, it's tough to tell) dies.