All right, that's it - I am officially terrible at picking this year's scary movies. Next year, for the FAFMSSOMS, someone else should pick the movies. I'll take requests. Cripes, I clearly can't do it for myself.
On paper, though, Bubba Ho-tep should have worked: a 90 minute long campfest whereby Elvis and JFK, who are not dead but who are, in fact, ensconced in an East Texas old folks' home, battle against an ancient Egyptian mummy who is feeding on the old folks ... and Bruce Campbell - mothereffing Bruce Campbell!!! - plays Elvis. How could it lose? It should have been campy and just a touch funny and all kinds of funny. (Did I mention Bruce Campbell in the lead?) Wrong. It's awfully slow, hardly scary at all and just not that funny. Ossie Davis plays JFK and it's largely due to him that the flick is at all entertaining: he says that after he got shot in Dallas, the gov'mint took him back to the lab, removed a chunk of his brain and replaced it with a bag of sand, and then dyed his skin black so no one would know it was him. When Elvis presses him about how Marilyn was in the sack, Jack says that information is top secret, "But between you and me, ... wowwwww!" - and he stretches that "wow" into about six syllables with the most gleeful expression. But other than that, not so much with the glee (I may have dozed off for a couple moments).
Unless you're a Bruce Campbell completist, you can skip this one. After this and the Dead Meat debacle, it is with much ambivalence that I'm eyeing the DVD of Rubber that awaits us next.
11 hours ago