The Walking Dead S7E4 "Service" 11/13/16

Are you frigging kidding me?  It was utterly unnecessary to have an 85 minute episode for the itty-bitty amount of story that was covered.  Yes, it was a break from unmitigated misery but nothing happened and no-one's character got advanced much at all.  Too much of the Negan and Rick show: Negan is annoying and Andrew Lincoln is just not a good enough actor for such slow-paced focus.  This fucking show.  Seriously, though, when do we get to go back to the Kingdom, King Ezekiel and Shiva?

We are back in Alexandria, with the survivors of the Negan encounter trying to get their shit together after watching their friends get their heads beat in, and the other Alexandrians who weren't there not really understanding the severity of their situation.  Rick is like a sleepwalker.  Michonne, who has hidden a high-powered rifle up the chimney, sneaks out early to go stalking through the fields.  Rosita and Spenser get ready to go out on a scavenging tour in anticipation of Negan's visit later in the week.

Except Negan has decided not to wait for the week he promised them.  Instead, he has arrived at the gates with multiple trucks and lots of heavily armed Saviors and poor Daryl.  Rick opens the gate and Negan saunters in, saying that they aren't there for food - they've decided to come and take half of whatever else Alexandria may have.  And by "half" he means pretty much any damn thing he wants.  He prances around and intimidates Rick, making him carry Lucille as the Saviors move through the town, pulling out furniture and artwork and weapons and mattresses and medicine.  Dwight leers and paws at Rosita and sends her and Spenser out of town - sans guns - telling her to fetch back Daryl's motorcycle.  Rick tries to ask Daryl how he's doing and Negan is all NUH-UH you don't look at Daryl and you don't talk to Daryl or someone gets their head beat in.  Rick quivers into a jellyfish.  Plus, Negan asks Daryl if he wants to stay in Alexandria; Daryl is smart enough not to say anything and Rick's all, wow, they really did a number on him.

Out in that field, ostensibly out of earshot of Alexandria, Michonne wastes a huge number of bullets trying to take down one approaching zombie.  She is a terrible shot and ends up slicing its head in two.  Then, when she makes her way into the woods, she notes that one of her errant shots managed to take down a good-sized deer.  She looks sad about it but at least she can bring back some more food.

Out in the woods, Rosita and Spenser find Daryl's motorcyle, right where it was left when Denise got killed.  As Spenser gets it into the van, he bitches at Rosita about how Rick has fucked everything up and gotten all sorts of people killed and maybe they should have made a deal with Negan before everything got so dire.  Spenser is an asshole but he does have a point.  Rosita detours into the woods, finds a small herd of walkers and methodically takes them out with her hunting knife.  She picks over the newly-still corpses, finding a handgun on one of them.  No bullets, but still it's a gun.

Back in Alexandria Negan is SO ANNOYING that he's barely scary.  He talks and talks and talks and browbeats Rick, who glowers and tries not to glower and mopes.  There's a bit of a tense moment when Carl WHO NEEDS A FUCKING HAIRCUT OMG objects to the Saviors taking all of Alexandria's medicines.  But no one dies.  And then there's another tense moment when Negan cleans out Alexandria's armory and two guns that are listed on Olivia's inventory are missing.  Negan says that she's bad at her job and unless those two guns are found, he'll kill her.  So all the Alexandrians search all the houses and Rick finds the two guns in Spenser's house, hidden in an airduct with food and booze.  Rick brings the guns to Negan and no one dies.

Rosita and Spenser come back and hand over Daryl's motorcyle to Dwight.  Michonne comes back and Rick immediately gives Negan her rifle - which had not been on Olivia's inventory so Negan wasn't even looking for it.  Negan takes the deer too.  The Saviors roll out, Negan warning Rick that the Alexandrians better have something interesting for him when he comes back next week for their payment.

After they're gone, Spenser has the temerity to talk some smack to Rick about Glen and Abraham (asshole move since he wasn't even there).  Rick, proving that he's not entirely a jellyfish, growls that if Spenser says anything like that to him again, he'll break Spenser's jaw and knock out all his teeth.  Prediction: Spenser's mouth will get him in trouble and he dies before the season ends.  Rosita goes to see Eugene and, handing him an empty casing, asks him to make her a bullet.  Michonne is obviously upset with the life that is now in front of them and upset with Rick for refusing to stand up to Negan.  Rick begs her to try to accept things as they are.  He can't take anyone else dying on his watch.  Her eyes soften and she promises to try.  But later, a frustrated Michonne goes back out to her field to see if there are any zombies she can skewer.  There aren't, but she sees smoke: the Saviors have dumped all the mattresses they took from the Alexandrians on the road and set fire to them, just to be complete assholes.

That's the general gist.  There was a scene with all the Alexandrians in the church and Rick making a speech about how they can't fight the Saviors; and Father Gabriel cleverly digs a fake grave and puts a Maggie headstone on it (she's been taken to Hilltop, remember, for medical help), so that Negan thinks she's dead and doesn't go looking for her.  But if I've missed anything, I'm sorry - I just couldn't bear to watch the whole thing again other than in fast-forward.

Previously on The Walking Dead / next time on The Walking Dead