Movie review: Drag Me to Hell

I really shouldn't watch horror (or even horror/comedy) movies at the movie theater: I cower behind my hands whenever I think something is going to jump out at me - jump scares are WAY scarier than gore scares, IMHO - and then I end up missing at least part of it. When I watch scary movies at home, I can do the cowering thing, but then rewind it and watch it again once I know what's coming.

So this is what my experience watching Sam Raimi's triumphant return to horror was like Sunday afternoon: Eeeuuuw! Ugh! Hahahaha! Ugh-ack! *hide* Eeeeep! Awwwwww [kitten]! Ooh-ooh-ooh-yipe! Heh. Eeeeuuuuww! Eek! *cringe* Ick-ick. Hee hee ["Here, kitty-kitty!"] Eeeuuuw! Aigh! *cringe-cringe-cower* Etc., etc. Awesome, awesome, super-awesome, outstandingly scary fun.

The story is pretty simple: gunning for a promotion, pretty Christine denies a third loan extension which ousts an old gypsy woman from her home. We all know that crossing old movie gypsy women is Always A Bad Idea and the trope holds true here. The gypsy curses Christine, sending a lamia to torment her for three days before consuming her soul and dragging her into Hell. Wacky hijinks ensue. Seriously, if you need to know more about the plot to decide if you're going to go see this, it's best that you don't go see this. For everyone else, GO SEE THIS NOW!

This is really excellently scary stuff for PG-13, making me recant prior avowals of the same. Raimi knows how to build tension and suspense. There are tons of jump scares and the whole thing is just totally gross with the slime and the saliva and the maggots and the blood and the mud and the ooze and the pus and the other ooze. Poor Alison Lohman is an absolute trooper because Raimi douses her in pretty much all of the above, and she commits to it, 100%.

I'm not much of a Spiderman fan so I very much enjoyed the director's return to his horror roots. You know, The Evil Dead had me at "hello" and now, heck, Raimi can drag me to hell anytime he wants.