This show is falling apart. The writers are totally ignoring any continuity from episode to episode, much less season to season. Characters are flip-flopping their motivations and reactions – it’s like watching a ping-pong match. And the thing of it is, it’s all already been done, and fairly well too: USA’s now defunct sci-fi series, The 4400. The 4400 ran for 4 seasons from 2004 through 2007 and was about a group of people who manifested miraculous abilities. Some of them hide, trying to stay under the radar; some of them band together, pooling their powers; the government is interested in/afraid of them. Here are some of their powers: healing oneself, seeing the future, healing others, super-strength, telepathy, electrical manipulation, telekinesis … any of that sound familiar? The stories made sense from episode to episode and the characters had understandable development. It worked. The actors were perhaps not quite as pretty or as talented as most of the Heroes folks, but damnit – The 4400 worked. Even if he was going to copy, Tim Kring should have paid better attention.
On with the show: The Haitian and Peter run through the jungle with the eclipse is in full effect. Peter points out that the Haitian’s brother, Baron Samedi (or whatever his name is) is no longer invulnerable because of the eclipse – maybe they have a chance against him, even with all his gun-totin’ guerillas. The Haitian, smarter than your average bear, wants to know why Peter is really here. “To see if I can be a hero even without my powers,” says Peter. All right then – let’s go rescue Nathan.
Claire is rushed into the ER. She looks bad. The ER doc says that her whole system has been infected as a result of the gunshot wound: either she’s never been sick in her life or something wonky is going on.
Speaking of something wonky going on, Elle and Sylar are totally screwing on the floor of the dead vortex guy’s house. In the afterglow, they muse hopefully about being normal humans, free of powers and parents. They are interrupted by gunshots: Bennet is ready to kick ass and take names. They scurry out of the line of sight, Elle grabbing the pistol Bennet left behind in the last episode. As they’re going out the back door, Bennet busts in the front, guns a-blazing. He wings Elle’s hip and she screams; Sylar drags her out of the house. They hide in an alley. Bennet follows the blood trail, grimly insistent: “This ends today.”
Back in Haiti, Nathan has been chained in a basement with some other prisoners. Samedi interrupts the introductions to drag one of the women out for some nefarious purpose. Nathan gets all upset about it but really, what can he do? He’s chained in a basement.
Mohinder is supposed to be doing research but keeps getting distracted by a Post-It with Maya’s new New Jersey address on it. No no no. Flint is keeping an eye on him. Arthur comes in for a progress report: there’s no progress because Mohinder is a loser. Flint provides a little encouragement via a lighter to Mohinder’s arm.
Sandra finally reaches Bennet on his cell: Claire is in bad, bad shape and the police have been called because of the gunshot wound. Bennet says he’ll be right there. But as he’s walking away, he sees the blood trail again.
Parkman confronts Daphne: what’s with the leg braces? She tells him she has cerebral palsy. After the eclipse last year, she could finally walk, and then she could run, and then she could run really fast. Parkman tells her that he lost his ability, and Hiro too. But Daphne is certain that her affliction is due to Arthur Petrelli retaliating for her betrayal. Parkman hasn’t made the eclipse connection yet apparently because he doesn’t refute her theory.
At Pinehearst, Mohinder prepares a syringe for Flint. The thug asks if this’ll give him his powers back and Mohinder hits him in the face with a microscope. In the most preposterous thing to date, Mohinder actually BEATS Flint up, knocking him unconscious. He takes a Pinehearst card out of Flint’s pocket (why?) and books it out of there, pausing only to grab Maya’s Post-It. No no NO.
Finally: Seth Green’s comics shop. If I have to put up with Hiro to see Seth, I’ll do it. The Japanese fellows want the newest issue of 9th Wonders. Seth is skeptical, thinking that Breckin Meyer has set him up. Breckin’s like, how could I possibly set this up? Hiro, who now is apparently able to understand English but not speak it (whereas a couple of episodes ago he couldn’t understand it either) finds a box of 9th Wonders back issues and starts pawing through them, in an attempt to restart his memory, I guess.
Elle and Sylar are now in a big box store, trying to patch up her leg. Sylar says they have to split up so Bennet can’t catch them both. Elle disagrees: without their abilities, Bennet is the powerful one and they have to stick together – Bennet could kill her new boyfriend if he catches him alone. “Maybe he should kill me,” Sylar says. “No,” Elle grimaces, “you’ve changed.” Oh for crying out loud – make up your minds! Are you guys bad guys or good guys? Goddamn f’ing Heroes writers.
Haiti: Samedi has brought the young girl to a storeroom for, like I said, nefarious purposes. In the nick of time, the Haitian sneaks up behind him and clocks him on the back of the head. Samedi: “You made me bleed!” The Haitian considers this, then hits his brother again, knocking him out. Peter has been of no use all this time, by the way.
Kansas: Parkman finally catches up to Hiro and Ando, wondering how they’re going to figure out what happened to their powers in a comics shop. Breckin has a theory: it’s the eclipse, which was in the 9th Wonders/Heroes origin story comic - perhaps their powers will return when the eclipse is over. Parkman’s like: awesome! I have to go tell Daphne! As he leaves, Breckin gets hilariously fanboy: “That was Matt Parkman!” Seth scoffs: “Yeah, I’m Matt Parkman.” Hee. I love Seth Green. Ando tells Hiro that everything’s going to be okay, but Hiro has found all the ugly parts of the 9th Wonders comics – the killings, Sylar, poor sweet Charlie – and says he doesn’t want to grow up, ever. He runs and locks himself in the bathroom.
Haiti: Nathan is still in the basement. He apologizes to the other scared girl for not Using His Powers for Good when he had the chance. Whatever. Then, the Haitian and Peter come in and free him. Peter decides that Nathan and the Haitian should make a run for it while he holds off the bad guys: I’m expendable. He takes a big gun and prepares to make his stand.
Claire regains consciousness at the hospital. Sandra tells her about the infection and gives her the self-managed morphine drip. Claire is scared: she apologizes for being so stubborn and stupid and wanting to be more than just a regular cheerleader. Then she goes into a seizure. The doctors come running. They have to open her chest cavity to shock her heart or something and it is the schlockiest B-movie horror fake organs shot EVER.
Bennet has tracked Sylar and Elle into the warehouse at the store. Sylar throws her into a freight elevator and sends her down: “Goodbye, Elle.” No, she screams, no! Then Bennet is there, Terminator-like and the beatings commence. Elle reverses the elevator in time to see Bennet pick up a box-cutter. He grabs Sylar’s hair, tilting his head back, and CUTS HIS FUCKING THROAT. “You always wanted to be special. Look at you now - you’re nobody.” Then Bennet walks away. Dang. I bet Sylar’s not dead though – I bet he regenerates when the eclipse ends. This show can’t bear to kill anyone hardly.
I bet Claire will resurrect too, despite the doctors pulling the “we did everything in our power but it wasn’t enough” sheet over her face. Her mom is there, and pulls the sheet down again. Outside the eclipse clears and Claire gasps back to life, healing like her usual self. Sandra: “We gotta get you out of here.”
Kansas: Parkman is too late. Daphne has sped on out of there without telling her dad anything. Parkman’s got his telepathy back too and he hears Daphne poking around in the cornfield. He finds her. He tells her she’s a good person. He sends her back into the house to talk to her dad. Whatever.
Haiti: things is all stirred up in Samedi’s compound but Peter goes all Rambo, even though he’s an emo NYC nurse in his real life. Before long, he’s out of bullets and surrenders … just in time for the Haitian and Nathan to rescue him. Samedi is there too and, despite Nathan’s best effort to fly him into a car, he is invulnerable once again. Peter tells the Haitian to use his ability-dampening power so Peter can shoot him, but the Haitian growls that this is his duty. He strides forward, face in a rictus, and slams his hand onto Samedi’s head. His brother struggles but goes to his knees as the Haitian does whatever it is he does and reams out his brain.
NO NO NO. Goddamn Mohinder is knocking on Maya’s apartment door. As he does, he notices his hand is scaling up again. It’s back! He runs away, just before she opens her door.
Kansas comics shop: Seth wants Hiro to get out of his bathroom. He says that if Hiro was really a hero, he’d know that saving the world is more important than anything (just ask Buffy) – giving people hope. Hiro finally comes out. Meanwhile, Breckin is poring over a back issue and makes this ridiculous leap of logic that the way for Hiro to get his memory back is to take Claire back in time to the rooftop greenhouse in NYC. I’m not going to try to explain more than that - just accept it. Hiro grabs the comic, puts on his resolute face, and teleports off to find Claire. Breckin and Seth blink, all agog. Seth: “Best. Day. Ever.”
Claire is back at home (don’t know how Sandra got her out of the hospital). Her dad comes into her room and once again she bitches about how she’s not as important as his work. “I died!” she squeals. Bennet: “When?” They rush downstairs where Sylar, not dead, and Elle have Sandra hostage. Sylar TKs Bennet up against the wall and snarls that they’re taking Claire with them. Bennet: the Petrellis are not your parents, Gabriel, they’re just manipulating you. Elle protests at this but Bennet spits that she knows it’s the truth – she read Sylar’s file. Elle doesn’t know what to say to that as Sylar looks at her pleadingly. Then, Bennet points out that Sylar killed Elle’s father so what kind of a normal life did they think they could have together, really? Elle’s face gets all icy. Oops.
Sylar decides that this has gone on long enough and starts to put a slice in Bennet’s throat. Just then, Hiro pops into the room. “Bad man,” he says, putting his hand on a startled Sylar’s shoulder, and teleports them both away. A second later, he’s back, alone, and takes Elle away this time. Finally, Hiro pops in again and takes Claire’s hand. “Save the cheerleader!” he chirps, and they wink out. Bennet and Sandra stand there in their now-empty living room and goggle at each other.
Kansas: Parkman and Daphne come back to the comics shop. Where’s Hiro? Now what do we do, since there are no more 9th Wonders books? Once again Seth will save the day: he heard a story at a con from a dude who heard it from another dude that there is one more 9th Wonders story that Isaac Mendez wrote. It never got published, but Isaac gave it to a bike messenger right before he died. Find the bike messenger, save the world. Or something like that.
Haiti: the Haitian says he’ll take the girls back to their village. Nathan thanks him. Isn’t the Haitian supposed to go back to Primatech with the Petrelli boys? Anyway, after he’s gone, Nathan says he’s going back to Pinehearst because although Arthur’s motives may be wrong, Nathan thinks it is right to give people powers to Do Good in the world, to help people. Peter is pissed: this is how dad wins in the future, you big dumbass; this is what leads to my killing you. Nathan flies away, leaving his brother behind.
At the Pinehearst lab, Arthur stands at a still unconscious Flint’s bedside: “I think this eclipse showed us exactly who we are: desperate, angry and weak.” Mohinder comes in, scaly again. He’s ready to get back to work. I hate Mohinder.
Sylar and Elle are on a beach somewhere. He asks if what Bennet said about his parents was true. Of course not – Bennet lies, says Elle. They smooch tenderly, lying down on the sand together. And then Sylar breaks out the old raspy scary voice: we’re never going to change, you and I, we’re damaged goods. She squirms – he’s holding her too tightly, but he’s doing it on purpose. Sylar slices open her head. Goodbye, Elle.
The NYC greenhouse, sixteen years ago: Hiro and Claire pop in just in time to see Hiro’s dad handing the infant Claire to Bennet. How is this going to bring Hiro’s memory back? To be continued (next week: Tracy’s super-soldiers) - ooooooooooh!
So the whole ooh-everyone-loses-their-powers-because-of-the-eclipse thing? Big friggin’ letdown. If they’d just stayed calm and indoors, they would have been back to “normal” in a matter of hours. This show just gets stupider and stupider. Go rent The 4400.
Previously on Heroes / next time on Heroes
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