True Blood recap S1E4 (09/28/08)

Again, please be advised that there are cusswords and sex-talk following. You've been warned.

Sookie screams for help upon finding Dawn’s dead body. Jason walks in behind her, bearing wine and flowers for Dawn as a post-fight apology, and the siblings both start panicking which brings a neighbor lady running. The neighbor recognizes Jason from last night’s fight; Jason pleads that he’s innocent but the neighbor goes to call the police anyway. My recommendation for the rest of the ladies in town: stay away from Jason Stackhouse as he seems to bring death to your bed as well as that finely chiseled body.

Song and credits = still very excellent and possibly the best part of this show.

Folks gather to gossip and speculate outside Dawn’s house. Inside, the sheriff questions Sookie about finding Dawn. Sookie gets distracted listening to everyone’s thoughts: the sheriff, the detective, the coroner and her brother. A little while later, the sheriff takes Jason away again. But once in the cop car, he remembers that he’s got the vial of illicit vampire blood that he bought from Lafayette and downs it all at once. That’s slightly more than the one or two drops Lafayette told him to take.

Sam drives up to see how Sookie is doing. He asks her if he should shut down the bar out of respect for Dawn but she tells him no, that would just deny folks a stiff drink on a day they especially need it. Further, she wants to take Dawn’s shift so as to keep herself busy.

At the sheriff’s department, poor dumb Jason is getting confused by all the questions. What’s worse is that in the middle of the interview, the v-juice starts to kick in: there’s a shot of his lap and a huge swelling pops out and grows down his leg under his jeans. I mean HUGE. He runs to the bathroom and takes his johnson out of his pants; he screams, looks down at his lap (all sadly off-camera is his lap) and gasps, “What the fuck was that?” – and snatching a wad of toilet paper, starts wiping himself off. Out in the corridor, the sheriff is trying to get in the bathroom, concerned by the screaming. Just then, Tara stomps into the sheriff’s department and asks if Jason was Mirandized. He was not. She whisks a sweaty Jason away, after swearing that she and Jason were together last night. Jason is walking very stiff-leggedly. It’s funny.

When Sookie goes to check on her grandmother, the old woman asks her to use her gift to help her brother, fearing that the town will go after Jason if they can’t figure out who it is killing the (loose) women in town. That night at the bar, Sookie listens in to all the prejudicial, suspicious and horny thoughts flying out of the bar patrons’ brains – she looks queasy to hear it all. Tara rushes into the bar, late for her shift, and Sam wants to talk about their having sex last night. But Tara says that they’re to pretend it never happened, and that she’s Jason’s alibi. “Deep down he’s a very good person,” she says firmly.

Speaking of firm, Jason is jacking off (in his grandmother’s living room?) for what looks to be the fifty-ninth time that night. It doesn’t seem to be helping. He can’t say he wasn’t warned. He finishes off, stares in anguish at his never-ending stiffy, and then moans in pain at the giant blister he’s raised on his rubbing hand. Some time later, he manages to pull himself together and hobbles to the bar to find Lafayette. The cook laughs his ass off, hearing Jason drank the whole vial at once. Jason can hardly walk, he’s so stiff and sore. Later, Tara catches Jason hiding in the walk-in cooler with a frozen steak in his lap. She reads him the riot act about taking v-juice and then tells him that she needs to take a look at his priapism. He moves the rib eye; she is shocked and tells him that they need to get to a hospital NOW. When he balks, she snaps at him: “Do you want to keep your dick or not?” The answer is yes.

Bill walks into the bar and the whole place quietens down immediately. He orders a bottle of blood; Sookie brings it to him, then grabs his hand and drags him outside. She wants Bill to take her to “Fangtasia,” the vamp bar in Shreveport that both Maudette and Dawn used to go to. Bill seems delighted to take her out and she has to admonish him that this is not a date. On the drive to Shreveport, Bill tells her that she looks like vampire bait (she does: her boobs are propped right up to under her chin), and that he isn’t sure he can keep her safe at the bar. They flirt and it is very awkward: these two actors have no chemistry together.

Oh good grief: the song emanating from Fangtasia as Bill and Sookie walk up is “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult. I hope that it’s because this bar is supposed to be totally cheesy because I’m not sure this show is savvy enough to be playing it ironically. Sookie gets carded at the door and is acting like a total goober just off the farm. There are some tourists buying t-shirts in the back; Bill assures her that things will get more “authentic” as the night goes on.

Sookie asks the bartender if he recognizes photos of Dawn and Maudette; he does, and he says that Maudette came to the bar, looking to die. There’s a bored-looking blond Lestat-esque vampire sitting alone. Bill says the vampire’s name is Eric and he’s the oldest thing in the bar. A wimpy human crawls up to Eric, slavering over his knees; Eric kicks him across the room and dozens of pairs of vamp fangs pop out when the man cuts his head. A leather-clad female vamp whisks him away and Bill wonders if Sookie is taking this place a bit more seriously now.

At the doctor’s, Jason lies about having taken any drugs. His erection, tented under the sheet, is enormous. The doctor takes a look and notes that it “kind of looks like an eggplant - the color and the way it’s all swollen up at the end.” Jason just wants to know if they can fix it. The doctor says yup, but he’s got to drain the blood out of Jason’s penis to do it; grossed out, Tara tries to bolt but Jason grabs her hand and begs her to stay. There is screaming as the doctor gets down to fixing things.

The redheaded waitress asks Sam to walk her to her car after her shift, worried about what’s been happening. Sam of course agrees, but tucks a pair of latex gloves in his pocket as he snaps off the lights in the bar. There is unsubtle ominous music as the camera zooms in on a photograph of Sam and Dawn, grinning, arms around each other.

Back at Fangtasia, Eric summons Bill and Sookie over. Bill is uncomfortable; Sookie continues to be a goober. Eric tells Sookie that if she has questions, she should ask him and she hands over the pictures of the dead girls: Eric notes that Maudette was pathetic and he wouldn’t touch her, but Dawn he tasted. By now Sookie’s had enough but Eric has not, insisting that she sit with him. As Eric and Bill glower at each other, Sookie picks up on an undercover cop’s thoughts that the club is about to get raided. She relays this to Eric but he scoffs, saying nothing happening at the club is illegal. But Sookie also hears the man who was kicked earlier being fed on by the female vampire; Eric wants to know how she knows this and Bill warns her with a terse shake of his head. The cops bust in and Eric, Bill and Sookie scurry out the back, Eric mentioning how pleased he is to have met her.

Tara drives an exhausted Jason home, remembering a childhood episode when Jason stood up for her against her drunk-ass mom and giving us proof that the torch she carries for him is not just because he’s sex on a stick.

Bill and Sookie drive back to Bon Temps from Shreveport. She’s shaken, but apologizes for getting him into trouble. Bill says that vampires are always in trouble one way or another but he prefers to be in it with her. They get pulled over by a cop and things start to get tense until Bill casts his glamour over the policeman. He takes the cop’s gun and gives him a stern talking to, ultimately letting the cop go but keeping his gun. The cop pees himself in terror as Bill and Sookie drive off.

Sam, latex gloves on, lets himself into Dawn’s cottage (he’s the landlord and has a key – I forgot to mention that). And then, I know he’s a weredog and all, but he extremely creepily starts sniffing at her bed, rolling around in the sheets as cheesy song #2 starts up: “That Smell” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Seriously, whoever is picking the music for this show needs to try a lighter touch.

Next time on True Blood / previously on True Blood