Heroes: "Five Years Gone” airdate 04/30/07.

Best episode yet. In the future, Parkman is a badass; Peter is a badass with a scar; and Mr. Bennet has new glasses. This takes place on the fifth anniversary of the explosion of NYC. We come right back where we left off: Hiro and Ando meet Future Hiro. In this time’s past, Sylar had killed Claire and became basically unstoppable, until he channeled Atomic-Ted and blew up half of NYC. FH has been trying to determine when exactly to go back and change the past as he knows it; when our Hiro confirms that Claire escaped Sylar, FH insists that Hiro and Ando return to 2007 and kill Sylar before he detonates. Then, Parkman – who works for Homeland Security – busts in with the Haitian and captures Hiro. FH and Ando teleport to Las Vegas to try to find Peter Petrelli to help them rescue Hiro from the government.

In Vegas, Niki is Peter’s girlfriend (DL and Micah were killed in NYC) and is for some reason dancing as a stripper in a bar she runs or owns. She angrily tells FH and Ando that Peter won’t help them fight, but relents to say that Mr. Bennet is still in Texas, “rustling cattle.” Back in the Homeland Security NYC HQ, Parkman reads Hiro’s mind and can’t understand why Hiro doesn’t remember all his “terrorist” activities (i.e. helping Heroes escape from prison, attacking government labs) of the past five years. Parkman calls the President to report; the future President is, of course, Nathan Petrelli. Nathan is meeting with Mohinder who has not found a cure for the Heroes: people with powers are practically another species – their DNA is coded differently. Nathan says: Fine, we’ve tried prohibiting them from breeding; we track them and keep them restricted, and yet we can’t control them and people are afraid of another Sylar; if you can’t cure them, we’ll have to go to Plan B. Mohinder is outraged: that’s genocide! and points out that the President is himself one of “them.” Nathan cattily says: I fly – I’m not dangerous. Hmm.

In Texas, Mr. Bennet is running an Underground Hero Railroad. FH and Ando show up and ask him to contact Candace (the shape shifter), DL (wait – he’s not dead like Niki thought?) and some others to help them rescue Hiro. Mr. B refuses at first, saying he protects these people and won’t endanger them, but seems to rethink after Ando mentions Claire. Cut to Claire who is stunning as a brunette (!!). She is also incognito as a waitress (in her old hometown? whatever) and engaged to be married. Mr. B stops by the café to tell her to leave town, as it’s no longer safe. She pouts, but sees his point. Back at the Underground Railroad, Parkman – who can move from NYC to TX pretty handily for a non-teleporter - attacks FH and Ando. Just as it’s looking dire, Invisible Peter appears, works some freeze-time-fu on Parkman’s team, and teleports Ando and an unconscious FH back to Las Vegas.

Mr. B ratted FH and Ando out to Parkman (I didn’t see that coming)! They have a deal: Mr. B tells Parkman about the dangerous “refugees” and then Parkman allows Mr. B to spirit away the harmless ones … like Parkman’s now-five-year-old son (we don’t learn his power). But wait: in another twist, Parkman double-crosses Mr. B, pulling Claire’s whereabouts out of his head and then – thankfully off-camera – shooting him. In NYC, Mohinder and Nathan check out FH’s timeline in the studio; Mohinder theorizes that FH is trying to go back to kill Sylar and change history. Nathan, however, doesn’t want to talk about the past: he has to deal with the present and is ready to get moving on his hero-cide. Parkman pops back in from Texas to say that he brought the President a present. It’s Claire, of course, and she has some sharp words for her father back at the Petrelli apartment, saying that he made people afraid of the Heroes. He retorts that they should be afraid, the Heroes are special and he, having met a lot of the Heroes, is the most special of them all. You see, folks, it isn’t Nathan at all: it’s Sylar who didn't explode - that was Peter as we've been told all along. Sylar has instead shape-shifted into "Nathan" for who knows how long (so then Candace isn’t alive, as FH had thought) and managed to become leader of the free world. Yikes. Just as Claire assimilates all this, Sylar gets down to the cutting off of her skull. I wonder how that’ll work with her regenerative power?

Peter, FH and Ando break into the HQ where Hiro is being held (and where Mohinder is preparing to kill him as per “Nathan’s” orders), while “Nathan” is on t.v. making a speech. Supposedly there’s some Hero-fu as Peter and FH defeat scores of soldiers with guns, but we don’t see any of it. Mohinder sneakily injects the Haitian with the poison, killing him instead of Hiro, and tells Hiro that it’s up to him to save the world, while somehow (also off-camera) FH, Peter and Ando make it upstairs past Parkman's team to join them. “Nathan” shows up, having been alerted by Parkman that Peter is in town. He and Peter begin to fight, Sylar morphing into his real self and both of them starting to go nuclear. Parkman shoots FH (I told you Parkman was a badass in 2012 – look at the body count!) and Hiro and Ando just barely teleport back to 2007, realizing now what the future holds.

Poor Tim Minear

Tim Minear is clearly the king of canceled potential. His latest offering on FOX, Drive, has been tossed after only three weeks. He parks this one in his collection of other shows junked before they could come up to speed: The Inside, Wonderfalls and Firefly. I hadn't even gotten around to attempting a recap!

Heroes: "07%" airdate 04/23/07

This ep is the first one after a long hiatus so they bounce around a lot among all the storylines … except for DL. He gets about 3 lines and then he’s gone. That actor got way more play in his Buffy season.

Mr. Bennet is captured by the “paper company” and is being intimidated by Eric Roberts. ER is one of the creepiest people ever – eesh. Mr. B manages to play it pretty cool as ER says he’s waiting to hear from the boss what his orders are. Cut to “the boss,” who is, of course, Linderman. He and Nathan are touring Linderman’s museum. It comes out during their conversation that Linderman is a Hero – his power is healing – and that he used to be part of a group who tried to make the world a better place. It didn’t work out, so now Linderman is manipulating people and events to make Peter blow up NYC in order to shock the planet into better behavior. Nathan: you’ll kill a lot of people in NYC. Linderman: out of the earth’s total population, .07% is an acceptable loss. And we have a title, my friends!

Speaking of acceptable losses, Mohinder is still pinned to his ceiling by Sylar as Peter walks into Mohinder’s apartment. Sylar and Peter have a fairly calm standoff in which they each get to showcase some special abilities: Peter gets to heal himself, throw Sylar across the room using telekinesis and finally turns invisible (which Sylar practically salivates over); Sylar uses the Scary Voice, cuts with his index finger, and uses telekinesis to float glass (cool effect, by the way) into Peter’s head, pretty much killing him the way that stob of wood killed Claire earlier this season. Hope Peter doesn’t get an autopsy because, well, yuck. Mohinder grows a spine and knocks Sylar out. While all this is happening, Claire and her scary new granny, Mrs. Petrelli are getting to know each other, and there is an insinuation that Mrs. P also has a Hero power. She ain’t telling what, however. Back at the Suresh apartment (so not getting their security deposit back), Sylar wakes up, is cranky at having lost his prey, but finds Isaac’s address as consolation prize. There’s a quick scene with Isaac and a fan boy bike messenger, and then several spoilery flashes of paintings Isaac’s done of his soon-to-come butchery.

Next we have a DL and Jessica scene but it’s about 30 seconds long so we’ll skip it. Officer Parkman manages to escape from his cell at the paper company because Mr. Bennet is shouting at him telepathically (there’s a very funny line by Eric Roberts who tells a henchman to tape Parkman’s mouth because he doesn’t want to hear about his pregnant wife – you and all the audience, Eric); he frees Atomic Ted who, upon instructions from Mr. B, burns bright, not hot, to short out the compound’s electrics. Parkman, Ted and Mr. B escape. Dead Peter is at his mom’s apartment where Nathan does way too much brotherly mourning before Claire – clearly the smart one of the family – pulls the shard of glass out of her uncle Peter’s head and brings him back to life. Claire tries to bond with Nathan but he says if she can hold off for a week, after the election he will be her dad AND she and he and Peter can all save the world together. And then the most awkward hug ever. Meanwhile, Candace the shape shifter pretends to be Jessica to get Micah out of school early and hand him over to Linderman, who has some special project for the little guy.

Homestretch, folks, stay with me. There’s a quick scene of a nearly frantic Mohinder, babbling about Sylar and Peter … unfortunately he called the number Mr. Bennet gave him and scary Eric Roberts is there in NYC, assuring him that while Mr. B has “left the company” (hee hee), the best way to catch Sylar is to join forces. Cut to Isaac’s studio: Isaac is not-surprised by Sylar who, without too much small talk, stakes the painter to the floor using wooden paintbrush handles. Isaac is impressively articulate even with the massive trauma to his arms and legs and says that he’s seen the future and not only do the Heroes kill Sylar, they also stop the bomb. (I don’t think that Sylar knows anything about NYC blowing up but okay, these are his last words.) Sylar hunkers down over Isaac and proceeds to cut the top of his head off, which we see in Isaac’s own illustrations; shortly thereafter, Sylar has his newly acquired future-vision going and is doing his own artwork, but in a much grimmer, more angular style than dearly departed Isaac. Finally, we fade to Ando and Hiro who teleported out of Linderman’s museum to Future NYC, post-apocalypse. Hiro decides that they did something wrong and that “Mister Isak” can help them figure out their mistake. They arrive at the studio and run into Future Hiro, all suave and soul-patchy and looking fairly grouchy. Yatta!

Lost - D.O.C.

Two main storylines: Sun and Jin (finally!); and then the camping expedition (Desmond, Hurley, Charlie and Jin) who found the helicopter pilot (who is not Penny) hanging from the trees in the jungle.

Sun and Jin - present day. Jack, being the take-charge doctor-guy that he is, checks in with Sun about her pregnancy: feeling well? no cramping? no bleeding? Sun gets suspicious and asks Kate if Jack can be trusted after his week-long Camp Other vacation. Kate hedges, then 'fesses up that Juliet is a fertility doc and that the Others have had pregnancy issues. Sun asks Juliet what the deal is and Juliet admits that 9 out of 9 women who got pregnant on the Island have died; only Claire, who got knocked up before her arrival, has survived. But, wait! Sun doesn't know if the baby is Jin's (conceived on-Island) or the dead boyfriend's (conceived off-Island). Juliet says there is a sonogram machine in the medical hatch and she can determine when Sun got pregnant. Kate pipes up: but we went there and there was nothing! Juliet: you didn't know where to look. Sun and Juliet go to the med-hatch; Juliet uncovers a hidden room with a sonogram and all the nursery stuff (cradle, rocking chair, etc.). Sun asks why is this room hidden? Juliet: Because it's where all the Other mothers died. They get going on the sonogram: the Losties have been on the Island 90 days, the baby was conceived 8 weeks ago, ergo, Jin is Sun's baby daddy. Sun cries, first because yay! her husband is the father! And second because – ack -since her husband is the father, she's got about two months before she and the baby die, Island-style. Sun and Juliet head out back to the beach, but Juliet scurries back to make sure the secret room is hidden again, and records a taped message for Ben updating him on her progress monitoring the female Losties’ reproductive status. She turns off the recorder before saying “I hate you;” I’m pretty sure I would have left that part in. I mean, he knows anyway.

Sun and Jin - flashback. The flashback takes place in Korea, not long after they get married but before Jin is forced to be a bad-ass for Sun's papa. Sun is out and about town and is approached by an older woman who knows who Sun is (i.e., powerful local family), that Jin's dad is a fisherman, and also that Jin's mom is a prostitute. Oops! Sun didn't know that last part! The old lady blackmails Sun for 100K to keep this a secret. Sun knows that Jin tells everyone both his parents are dead, being ashamed of his dad’s profession, and his father told him that his mother is dead. Exposing all of this to be a lie would bring big shame. So Sun goes to see Jin's dad who is lovely and sweet and who makes a point to wipe off his fisherman hands before shaking her hand. He admits that Jin's mom was a big ho – he’s not sure Jin is even his own child - but since she left him with the baby, he raised Jin as his own. Sun then goes to see her own father and asks for the 100K, not explaining why. Her dad says that if the money is for Jin, then Jin will have to work off the debt: "he works for me now." And thus we learn how Jin ended up having to be a thug - not even his fault! Sun pays the old lady and tells her: I know you're Jin's mother and if you ever try this again, you'll see how powerful my family really is. Nice! I love it when Sun gets tough.

Camping expedition. The four jungleteers have cut down the pilot who is not Penny, but who recognizes Des and speaks about a jillion different languages. She's pretty delirious and they find that this is because she's got a big stob sticking out of her side and bleeding profusely. They obviously can't move her, so Des wants to run back for Jack. Charlie points out that it's an 8-hour walk each way. Suddenly, from out of the underbrush, Mikhail (the one-eyed Russian Other whose house Locke blew up and who Locke fried in the sonic/electro-fence) appears! It looks like it's going to be a beat-down, but luckily Mikhail is a field-trained medic. Gosh, that’s convenient. He offers to help the pilot but if he does, they have to let him walk away. Des says it’s a deal; Charlie says we can't let him go after how many of us the Others have killed; Des says by his count, the Losties have offed way more Others than the Others have killed the Losties, if you know what I mean. Mikhail patches up the pilot and leaves, saying that she should be fine in 1-2 days because of the Island miracle cure tendencies. As Mikhail leaves, Jin notices that he's stolen the pilot's sat-phone. Jin runs after him and works some awesome jungle-fu on his patched-eyed butt. When Des and Charlie catch up, they get the phone back but let Mikhail go. They do wonder about the fact that Locke obviously didn't kill this guy in the fence like we'd thought. (Hmmm – it seems as though Locke is one of the only Losties who has never killed anyone. No wonder the Island likes him.) The four jungleteers go back to the pilot who wakes up and asks where she is. Hurley says: Dunno, some Island, but we're the survivors of Oceanic 815. The pilot says: no, no, not 815, they found the plane and there were no survivors - everyone died on 815*. Hurley: huh?

* This is my husband's theory: that everyone on the flight died but the Island is some kind of limbo/purgatory so they're all stuck there until they pass some test that the Island hands out.

The first entry

I've been thinking about doing this for a long time. A really long time. Bought Blogging For Dummies over a year ago and actually read it cover-to-cover on a plane ride. I had great difficulty figuring out a theme for the blog, however; I'm not much of a navel-gazer so an online diary was never an option. Lately, tho', I've had friends either forget to set their DVRs or not have enough time to watch television shows for which missing an episode is NOT an option. They asked for a recap of the episode in question and I obliged - because I watch too much t.v. And after a couple of recaps, I was told that I was good enough that they weren't even going to bother watching the ep - they'd just take my word for it.

Now, I am absolutely not trying to compete with Television Without Pity - one of my all-time most-visited sites (please check them out!). I am not nearly as funny as their recappers; I do not have the time to inexhaustibly reproduce episodes practically line by line for pages and pages; I couldn't possibly cover as many shows as they do; I don't have a beta-reader. I simply like a small number of shows and don't mind summing them up in a few, quickly-read paragraphs.

Pluswhich, I'm severely genre-limited. I like Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Veronica Mars, X-Files, Dead Like Me, Battlestar Galactica, Lost, Heroes ... you get the picture: mostly fantasy/sci-fi, and largely with plot-heavy, character-heavy shows. I feel that reality t.v. is the bane of all existence, that it has singlehandedly ruined television; I keep waiting for the fad to die out (remember when all that was on were "Millionaire" clones?) but it doesn't even seem to frackin' falter.

Anyway, rant over and welcome to the blog. Oh, who is "Friend Mouse?" At the risk of losing all my tough guy street cred (ha!), Friend Mouse was an imaginary friend I had growing up: an invisible, kid-sized mouse. He was a constant for many years; I grew up in the woods at the end of a half-mile dirt road with no neighbors and only a little brother for company. Yes, we had running water and electricity. And yes, I had a good imagination back then. Here's hoping it continues to pipe up every now and again so y'all don't get completely bored.