Just as the bartender is about to sink his fangs into Sookie, Bill rips off a beer tap and stakes him in the back. The bartender spasms and regurgitates buckets and buckets of blood onto Sookie while Eric and Pam stand nonchalantly by; the go-go hussy screams and screams and throws up. Sookie sits up, shaking uncontrollably, as Eric rolls his eyes, “Humans. Honestly, Bill, I don’t know what you see in them.” That was AWESOME. I have to watch it again. Be right back.
Here’s something cool about these vampires: when you stake them, they don’t explode tidily into dust. They blister and sag and collapse into slush. That was just nuts.
In the bathroom, Sookie is washing up while Ginger, the go-go dancer rants that she can’t take hanging out with these “people” anymore. Eric and Pam are making her cleaning up the mess: it’s sticky and stringy and not at all clean like Buffy vampires. Later, Eric and Bill talk in Eric’s office (Eric’s makeup is very bad in this scene: his face is pale and the rest of his body isn’t). Anyway, Eric points out that Bill killed a vamp on behalf of a human in front of witnesses, and there will definitely consequences. Meanwhile Pam brings Sookie some clean clothes: “There’s vampire in your cleavage.” Sookie: “Okay, eeuuw.”
Back in Bontemps, Jason is complaining to Amy about having to kidnap the vampire to get some V. “Any woman carrying a bag [of crazy] that big’s bound to have somethin’ in it I don’t wanna know about.” Amy tells him to chill out. They bring the poor vampire (“Eddie”) to Jason’s house and set him up in the basement. Amy is planning on their drinking from Eddie, who is very pathetic and scared. Amy’s all whatever and quickly does a shot of Eddie’s blood, straight from his vein. It hits her hard and Jason can’t resist. Bottoms up!
At Miss Jeannette’s backwoods exorcism bus, Tara wants to know just what happened to her momma. Miss Jeanette explains some soul-sickness mumbo-jumbo. Tara is skeptical, but Miss Jeanette notes that she made the effort to come on out to see her. Jeannette tells poor Tara that she’s even worse off than her mother was; her loneliness is becoming who she is.
Bill has managed to bring Sookie home. She is hilariously dressed in a black leather bustier and mini-skirt, compliments of Pam. Bill assures her that he’s only getting a slap on the wrist and opens the door for her like a gentleman. Unfortunately there is blood spattered all over the entryway due to the headless cat that has been tied to the ceiling fan. Ick. Bill: “Don’t look up.” Sookie: [scream].
Back in the basement, Amy and Jason are nekkid and screwing in front of Eddie the hostage. He’s in such pain, blood dripping from his nose and dripping out of the IV tube onto the floor, but they’re so high they don’t even realize they’re wasting his blood.
Bill spoons Sookie (they’ve gone to his house instead because of the whole dead cat thing). He promises to protect her but she’s not sure that she wants protection. Bill insists that any trouble she’s in is only because of him, so he owes her - it has nothing to do with who she is or what she can do. She insists that she chose the trouble by choosing him and she can’t let him take responsibility for it, because then she’d have to blame him, and right now seeing his face is about the only thing that’s getting her through. He accedes to her insane troll logic and she rolls over to try to sleep, visions of her dead grandmother dancing through her dreams.
The next day, Jason and Amy have a picnic outside of Jason’s house. Blah blah blah tripping listening to the trees. They start to smooch but Jason is distracted by Eddie’s screams: apparently the house is just over there, out of the shot. Amy insists that she has a plan: “Everything will work out because it has to.” Jason is smart enough to point out “that ain’t a plan.” Then she tells him she loves him and he gets twitchy, pulling a beer out of the cooler. He thinks for a moment, and then says, “Fuck it – I love you too.” That has got to be a first for our Jason Stackhouse.
Sam stops by the house to see Tara. He wants to apologize for anything he may have said that may have hurt her feelings. She tells him to go – she’s too fucked up for this relationship. She also points out that their “relationship” was just supposed to be them fuckin’. Sam notes that it’s too late for that, and he’d rather deal with her shit than be alone. So, to prove how nuts she is, she tells him she’s considering getting her own exorcism for $800. This gives him pause, and Tara storms off, so Sam throws the bouquet he’s brought her onto the ground and sniffs that he’ll just see her at work.
At the bar, Detective Andy wants to speak with Sam but Sookie lays into him, wanting to know why the damn police haven’t made any headway with her grandmother’s killer (and cat-decapitater). Amy sends her out to cool off and later goes out to check on her. The two girls actually bond a bit, and Amy tells Sookie that Jason misses her and loves her. “You are way too good for him, you know that?” marvels Sookie. “Of course I know that,” grins Amy, “I’m not stupid.” That was a very sweet little scene.
In Sam’s office, Tara finds an envelope full of cash that he’s left for her, I’m guessing for her exorcism. She asks him about it but he just says he’ll talk to her about it after work.
At Bill’s house, the big undead dork is playing video-golf: a hole in one! His doorbell rings: it’s Eric, Pam and “Cho.” Cho is the staked bartender’s replacement. Bill says that he guesses this means there’s no way around it, whatever “it” is. Eric is a lot taller than Bill. Cho wants to know what Bill’s Wii golf score is. Bill agrees to go with them but wants to make a stop first.
Bill and the other vampires show up at Sam’s bar – Bill needs to talk with Sam. Bill promises to be brief: he’s been called away and wants Sam to watch over Sookie while he’s gone. Sam doesn’t like being told what to do while Bill, for his part, doesn’t like how Sam feels about Sookie, but thinks that Sam is the only one who can protect her in his absence. Out in the restaurant, Eric and Pam are handing out fliers for their own club. Before they leave, however, Eric announces that vampires are able to tell when humans have harmed one of their own. Amy and the rednecks who torched the vamp house squirm a bit.
Outside, Sookie is petulant when Bill tells her he has to go face the tribunal. She wants to go with him and testify on his behalf. Bill shouts that she cannot go with him and she realizes that he lied to her, telling her that there would be no reprisal for killing the bartender. He also tells her that he’s asked Sam to watch out for her; she says she wishes he hadn’t done that. Bill kisses her soundly while Pam and Eric watch. Pam monotones: “If I had any feelings, I’d have the chills right now.” Eric: “Not me.” I’m with Eric. Eric calls Bill away and a tearful Sookie watches them go. Tara has seen the whole thing and gives her friend a big hug, their fight forgiven.
All this time, Jason is chatting with Eddie the captive vampire in his basement, talking about family, loneliness, being a man. Eddie asks Jason if he’s going to marry Amy and Jason hesitates, and then says he could see her being the one. Eddie speaks with some urgency then: don’t do it – she’s a psychopath and she’ll just bring you pain. Jason doesn’t take kindly to this (although I think he can sort of see Eddie’s point), gives Eddie a few kicks and runs out for more beer.
At the bar, Tara tries again to talk with Sam about the money. She doesn’t want to take it. But when he asks her if she really thinks she has a demon, she says she thinks she has something inside of her that’s scared and mean and ugly. Sweet Sam is sympathetic. He hands her the money again and kisses her gently. Lovely.
But Sookie inadvertently catches them making out, she gets worked up and leaves the bar, handing off her side work to Amy. A while later, Sam finds out Sookie has left to go hide out at Bill’s and he races after her. Detective Andy catches him outside, wanting to talk about the fake nudist colony story; Sam dashes back inside the restaurant, claiming he’s forgotten something. Is he going to turn into a dog and run after Sookie that way? Yup: the dog rushes past Andy. “Hey, dog!” he calls, friendly-like.
By the time Sookie gets to Bill’s, the dog meets her there. She’s glad for the company and brings him inside with her. Hilariously, the dog turns his head to the side as she changes her clothes for bed; she has to coax him up to sleep on the bed with her. Anybody else think that it’s going to be naked Sam sprawled across the foot of the bed in the morning?
Jason comes back from his beer run. He’s bought Eddie a four-pack of Tru Blood and feeds him.
YES YES YES! Sookie fidgets, telling the dog that he’s on her feet. She shifts and looks down the bed. “Sam?” She shrieks and a fabulously naked Sam flails wildly, found out at last.
Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood
38 minutes ago