Church camp. After dinner with the Newlins, Jason comes back to the bunkhouse to find all the campers strewn across the floor, necks and wrists bloody. As he stares, horrified, a hooded figure lunges out of the shadows and knocks him to the ground, threatening to kill him. The “vampire” bites at his neck then starts laughing: it’s Luke, messing with him, and all the “dead” guys giggle and stand up. Luke notes that Jason was scared and then, noticing the real blood on Jason’s face, asks how his lip is. “It’s okay,” says Jason thoughtfully, “How’s your nose?” Luke: Huh? Jason: *punches him* Pulling off his clip on tie (ha!), Jason shouts, “Vampires are not a joke! There’ a war on and you’re either on the dark side or the side of light – there ain’t no in-between!” The other boys stare at him, uncomfortable, while Luke rolls on the floor, moaning that his nose is broken.
Back at Bill’s house, Bill throws Hoyt out of the house (not literally) and as he leaves, Hoyt assures him that he wasn’t going to try anything with Jessica. “It’s not her I’m protecting,” snarls Bill. Hoyt pauses in the doorway to smile at Jessica and tells her, “I don’t believe a word he’s saying.” She smiles, flushed and pleased. She looks really pretty right now, fangs and all. After he’s gone, she tells Bill that Hoyt is the best thing that’s happened to her since she was turned into a vampire and all she wanted to do is kiss him all night: “Is it my fault that my fangs come out when I get turned on?” Realizing they’re still out, she giggles and runs upstairs.
Sookie tells Bill that she thinks Jessica should come with them to Dallas – he needs to spend more time with Jessica because, as Sookie’s noticed, even though Bill IS a vampire, he doesn’t really LIKE vampires. Bill protests that as a vamp he’s supposed to be tormented, but Sookie rolls her eyes, saying that he doesn’t have to be, and neither does Jessica – Bill can teach the girl “how to walk that fine line between human and vampire.” Bill: “Yes, because I have clearly mastered that.” Another joke from Bill – wow! But he gives in, saying he’ll call the airline to arrange for a second travel coffin.
At the swimmin’ hole, Sam and Daphne paddle around, talking about stuff that I’m not really interested in, except that if Sam keeps mentioning how much he loves it in Bon Temps so why’s he so determined to leave it? Daphne suggests that they go get something to eat – sweet potato pancakes, yum! - but Sam shyly turns her down, mostly because he’s left his clothes somewhere out there in the woods. When Daphne climbs up onto the dock, Sam sees the scars on her back. She has to know that he saw them, but doesn’t say anything.
The next day at breakfast, Marianne is giddily snarfing down strawberries (she sure does like her fruit) when Tara tells her that she’s moving in with Sookie, and would she please tell Eggs? Marianne says yes, of course, and gives her a big supportive hug, telling Tara that she’ll miss her. But when Tara goes up to pack, the other woman’s expression goes cold. I mean icy.
Church camp. Jason, Luke and some unnamed campers are having a debate about potential vampires in the Bible. There’s Lazarus, rising from the dead (Jason: “Jesus made the first vampire?”), and Cain, since vamps are said to have the mark of Cain upon them. Then Jason gets on a roll, saying that maybe Jesus himself was the first vampire since he rose from the dead and told folks to drink his blood because it’d give them superpowers. I’m not biblical scholar, but his interpretation may be a little broader than most. Luke gets annoyed and says it’s all Eve’s fault: Eve as in “Eve-il.” Jason points his fork at Luke and says, “True evil is making the premedicated choice to be a dick.” God, I love Jason Stackhouse – he’s sooooo dumb and pretty. This scintillating discourse is interrupted when Jason is paged to go meet Reverend Steve outside. As he leaves, Luke tries to get one more shot in, saying that God promises that all evil will be punished. Jason: “Oh yeah? Then explain Europe to me!” Luke is at a loss, as am I.
At Sookie’s house, Sookie gives Tara a photograph of the two of them as little girls, with Gran. It’s Tara’s birthday, by the way. Sookie feels bad about leaving for her trip on Tara’s birthday but promises that they’ll celebrate for real when she gets back. She also lets Tara know that her “fool cousin” is back in town.
Over at the morgue, Sheriff Bud, Deputy Kenya and the coroner are examining Miss Jeanette’s body: she has the same enormous, gory, poisoned gouges down her back that Sookie had: the minotaur got her too. Andy comes in, wanting to ask Kenya about the giant pig Tara talked about at the end of last season when she got into her car accident. He gets kind of uppity with Sheriff Bud who says that he can’t depend on him any more, what with all the drinking these days, and asks him to hand over his badge. Tearfully, Andy does.
Tara goes over to Lafayette’s house and pounds on the door until he lets her in. He looks bad, but has at least showered and shaved. Tara wants to stay and take care of him – seems like she doesn’t want to be alone on her birthday - but he is in no mood for company and kicks her out, fairly rudely. She slams the door on her way out and he collapses back down on the couch.
At Merlotte’s, Sam is loading the walk-in cooler, confusing poor Terry on whether he’s leaving or not. Sookie notices the cook’s agitation and he tells her it’s because of Sam’s leaving. She is not happy to hear this and follows Sam outside, pestering him with questions and then also assuming that he’s leaving because of her. “Look, Sookie,” says Sam, “I got some serious shit to deal with and I don’t have time to make you feel better.” Fine, she replies, I’ve got some serious shit to deal with too … so I’m taking some days off. Sam just rolls his eyes and watches her flounce off.
Reverend Steve drives a four-wheeler through the woods while Jason shoots vampire targets with a pistol. He’s a good shot and Reverend Steve is impressed, seeing big things in Jason’s future. Afterwards, the fellas go back to Reverend Steve’s house for a beer. Sarah is making ribs out on the barbeque and we are treated to a sexy little sequence as Jason fantasizes about her dancing around the grill, rubbing her pert little boobs and fellating a beer bottle. He can’t keep his eyes off her, even while he tries to listen to Steve’s ramblings. A little while later, during dinner, Steve asks him to join the army he’s assembling, the Soldiers of the Sun – basically elite church campers who are going to get to kill lots of vampires, is my guess.
Tara is watching television at Sookie’s house, eating chips and crying a little when she hears something out on the front porch. She goes to investigate and it’s Marianne, Eggs and Karl, here to surprise her on her birthday. They’ve had a big party for her planned for weeks and when she moved out, she threw them for a loop – but they’ll just party here. “I’ve spent all day calling all your friends!” gushes Marianne. Tara: “What friends?”
It’s a slow night at Sam’s bar – all the regulars are at the birthday party. Andy is the only one there, slowly getting drunk, and Sam kicks him out. Arlene suggests that they close up and go to the party. Just then Tara’s mom comes in, carrying a present for her daughter. She asks Sam how Tara is doing and asks him to give her the gift. He takes it – and now he’s got to go to the party, even though he was hoping to avoid Marianne.
Sookie has availed herself of the mini booze bottles on “Anubis Airlines” (“They gave me ten!”) and giggles at the limo driver waiting for her. But he’s twitchy and she reads his mind, hearing that he’s going to kidnap her. She screams and Bill bursts out of his travel coffin, grabbing Limo Driver by the throat.
The party is in full swing by the time Sam gets there. Marianne sidles up, teasing, and Sam tells her that he cares about the people in this town and doesn’t want her to hurt them. “Even when they’ve dumped you? Or chosen a dead man over you?” She chuckles and strokes his face, “You’re really not an alpha, are you?” Poor Sam. Then he catches sight of Daphne and decides to go talk to her. The music starts booming and throbbing and everyone starts to bump and grind. Marianne looks around at the partygoers and smiles, satisfied. She twirls around and heads outside, walking into the woods.
In Dallas, Bill teaches Jessica how to glamour Limo Driver. As she works on it, he and Sookie try to figure out who is behind the kidnapping. Bill thinks it might be the nutso Sun Church folks. Sookie’s like, “Bill, they may be crazy but they’re still a church – they wouldn’t kidnap anybody.” Bill smiles at her naiveté and tells her that churches have done much, much worse throughout history.
Jason returns to the bunkhouse to pack his things, crowing about being a Soldier of the Sun. Luke’s all, whatever, there are fourteen others in that army, including me. Jason says that’s great – you going to bunk at the Newlins’ too? Luke laughs, “No, but I get it: Preacher’s wife wants something to play with.” Jason is indignant, saying that his recruitment to be a Soldier wasn’t like that: “I earned it.” Luke laughs nastily: “I bet you did.”
Bill, Sookie and Jessica are staying at a posh, vamp-friendly Dallas hotel – apparently Dallas is the most pro-vampire city in the country. After they check in, Bill glamours Limo Driver and confirms that it was the Fellowship of the Sun who hired him to abduct Sookie to keep her from helping find Godric. Ooh, Steve’s in this deeper than I thought!
With the party in the background, Marianne starts to chant and then the festivities start to really ramp up, sexual energy rising and overflowing, Marianne feeding on it. Eggs leads Tara upstairs.
Meanwhile, Eric has stopped by Lafayette’s house. Lafayette refuses to let him in but then Eric offers him a hit of his 1,000-year-old blood, which will heal Lafayette’s infected leg. Lafayette wants to know why Eric would give him such a gift and Eric says that Sookie cares for him, and what Sookie finds meaningful, he finds curious. Lafayette thinks about it and then invites him in. After Lafayette’s had a hit, Eric gets a call from Bill, updating him on the attempted abduction. Eric’s like, I suspected as much, and now we know. Bill is upset but Eric tells him to stuff it: he is the sheriff here and if Bill doesn’t like it, he can “take it up with the Magister … or the Queen.” There’s a queen? When Eric hangs up, he glances at Lafayette: the blood has taken full effect and Lafayette is completely recovered, dancing around and humping the furniture. Eric, wryly: “How’s your leg?”
Sarah checks in with Jason as he’s unpacking his things in the guest room. She’s wearing a silky white negligee and robe and while she doesn’t come onto him overtly, he gets VERY uncomfortable. This is probably the longest he’s gone without sex since he was old enough to get a boner. Plus he really kind of likes her. She tells him to call her if he needs her and flounces off.
Bill and Sookie are just about to get down to doin’ it when there’s a knock on the door: it’s Eric, just arrived in Dallas, and wanting to talk to Bill, down in the bar. “Fudge,” sighs Sookie. Downstairs, Bill wants to know what’s so great about Godric that they have to find him. Well, he’s 2,000 years old and extremely powerful, and if the humans can kidnap him, who knows what else they’re capable of. Eric says that if Godric is not restored to his Texas vampire clan, the Texas vamps may start retaliating against humans. “But that’s crazy!” says Bill. Eric: “No, that’s Texas.”
At Tara’s party, Sam and Daphne are flirting in the kitchen. She kisses him and he kisses her back. After a bit, he pulls back, unsure. Daphne, however, is sure: “[This is] a great idea! You’re cute as hell, and scruffy and adorable with that gray in your hair, and that hot little nose, and damn, boy, do you know how to wear a pair of pants.” All these things are totally true – Sam’s a muffin. Still, he says he needs to tell her something. “No, you don’t,” she replies, “I know what you are.” He goggles at her but she just takes him by the hand and leads him outside.
The orgy is full on now. Tara and Eggs are having sex (nice butt, Eggs!) and other folks are in various stages of getting it on too. Also, people are rubbing food and wine on themselves, and fighting, and thrashing around on the ground, eating dirt, eyes full of black. And through it all, Marianne shudders and flickers, as she does, and digs around in the dirt. When she raises her hands over her head, ecstatic, her hands are huge, three-fingered and tipped with nasty looking claws. I knew it. I totally knew she’s the minotaur. But what is she?
Up in the hotel room, Sookie is bored with flipping channels. There’s a knock on the door and she runs for it, but Jessica has ordered room service: a half-naked, straight and B negative boy named Travis, delivered by a uniformed bellhop. As she watches Jessica take her snack back into her room, Sookie wonders – to herself – if that boy is even old enough to be doing this. The bellhop answers her out loud: “He’s 21.” “That’s weird,” thinks Sookie, “It’s almost like he read my mind.” To which the bellhop thinks, without speaking out loud, “I did read your mind … oh just smile and keep your mouth shut, Barry, and she’ll think it’s a coincidence.” Sookie’s eyes light up and she says, out loud this time: “But it’s NOT a coincidence, Barry!” Barry’s jaw drops and he runs away down the hall, Sookie chasing after him.
Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood
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