Saturday, June 6, 2009

Mini-movie review: Hellraiser

I recorded this one into the DVR and watched it over the course of three nights, in little short installments after Mr. Mouse went to bed. I couldn't quite admit to him that I was actually watching this classic 1980s horror flick. And by "classic 1980s" I mean "containing feathered hair on both the women and the men (plus mullets!), jewel-toned eye shadow a la Pat Benatar and scary Cosby sweaters." And by "horror" I mean bloody skinless adulterers and disgusting scorpion/slug monsters, sadomasochisism and some necrophilia. You know, something for everyone!

But then Mr. Mouse caught me, wandering in just as a character was being tormented by the very excellent Cenobites (I hope that they are used more in the later Hellraiser movies because you really didn't get to see enough of them here - great, creepy bad guys). Mr. Mouse stood there, staring for a moment at the television screen, and then remarked in his best deadpan, "That's really gross. And really fake."

He's completely right. I don't think there's much more I can say that will add value here: Hellraiser is a time-honored horror classic that is both gross and fake. Maybe Mr. Mouse should start writing these reviews instead of me.

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