The four coffins lay on the side of the road. Despite Andy’s attempt to keep her back, Sookie runs up to look inside the coffins. They’re full of slushy clotted blood, as though the vamps just liquefied in the flames and heat. She gasps – but amazingly manages to not throw up, which is impressive because ICK – and runs away. She goes home and tries to call Bill again, getting his voicemail again: “Shit!” Meanwhile, Tara has been woken up at 8 a.m. by the ruckus of her mother throwing out all her half-full liquor bottles. Also, her momma has made breakfast. Tara is amazed, happy even. And she’s getting her hopes up, I’m afraid.
Jason and Amy wake up, sated and blissful. They are all googly-eyed over their hopped-up experience together. Amy is still rather full of her pretentious college girl bullshit but Jason thinks she’s incredible. He doesn’t want her to leave town - just stay here in bed with him, having sex and doing V. Wait a minute, says Amy, we were together but we never actually had sex. She shows him that her panties are still on. “Whoa!” says Jason, incredulous. “I told you,” says Amy, “it’s better than sex.” And that’s new for him.
Tara rushes over to the Stackhouse house, bubbling over about her mother’s apparent cure. Sookie is not interested in anyone but herself, full of self-pity about Bill and her grandmother. Then Tara notices the fang marks on her friend’s neck and starts to read her the riot act. Sookie is SO having none of that. They get into a huge fight and Sookie throws Tara out of her house. That was pretty sad.
“I want to not have sex with you so bad you don’t even know,” marvels Jason. Yeah, I get it, replies Amy, but we’re out of V. They talk a bit, Jason actually opening up to her, talking about how his parents died, and then that his grandmother passed recently too. She asks why he doesn’t talk to his sister and he confesses to his and Sookie’s fight: I am the worst brother in the world. Amy goes to him, telling him that he’s a good person and wiping away a tear from his cheek.
Terry drops off some stuff over to Sam’s bar and asks Sam what he might have been doin’ blazin’ buck nekkid through the trees that morning. Sam says nope, wasn’t him, he was working on his car. Terry backs down, saying maybe he’s seeing things again, like he did when he came back from the war. Sam tells him it’s okay, he’s a long way from Iraq now. I think Sam is by far the finest lookin’ man on this here show.
That night, after the thunderstorm, Sookie takes a bouquet to Bill’s Civil War grave. She’s crying, and looks very young. She brushes the leaves from the stone and … why doesn’t she ever wear shoes when she walks around outside? But then I forget about this as a hand plunges up from the earth and grabs her ankle. She screams, but it’s Bill, naked and dirty, animal-like. They grapple and this time it isn’t pretty like when they made love by the fire. He is rough and needy and bites her hard.
At the bar, they are getting slammed since Sookie is late for her shift. She rushes in, giddy again that Bill is alive. She’s actually totally annoying, blathering on and on about him. Jason brings Amy in for something to eat – and Amy ends up stepping in and taking Sookie’s tables while she’s mooning around. Amy’s a pretty good waitress and Arlene calls out, “Sam, looks like you mighta found a replacement for Dawn!” Sookie sniffs to Jason: “Looks like you did too.”
Tara walks out back of her house and is dumbstruck to see that Lettie Mae (yes, I’ve finally remembered her mother’s name) has hung out the laundry. In fact, here comes Lettie Mae, dressed up in church clothes and with a church lady friend, who asks Tara why she hasn’t seen her face at services recently. “Uh, ‘cuz I stopped goin’,” is the retort. Anyhow, Lettie Mae is full up with the Jesus spirit again. Tara doesn’t want to hear it – trading one addiction for another.
As Sookie and Amy clear tables, Sookie is kind of a bitch to the new girl: “You know my brother’s a dog, right?” Amy’s tough though and says that she thinks Sookie has underestimated her brother. Tara continues her bad mood at work and Sam calls her into his office. Not to fire her, like she thinks, but for some on-the-job, tension relieving nooky.
The biggest problem with this show, I shall continue to maintain, is that [the actor who plays] Bill has no charisma. I mean, here we are now, in bed with Sookie and Bill, and I’m just bored to tears with whatever he has to say. She wants to know what it’s like to sleep in the ground: not particularly comfortable, but safe. They are interrupted from their snuggles when Arlene drops her children off for the babysitting. Arlene is not happy that Bill is here, but the kids are thrilled that there’s a vampire in the house. Rene is very sweet (I like Rene), reminding Arlene that Bill managed to raise a couple of young’uns his own self. Bill confirms this, and winks at the kids. That was a cute scene, actually.
Sam and Tara, post-snugglebunnies. She tells him that the good thing about sex is that when it’s good, for ten minutes to an hour you can forget about how shitty your life really is. Sam unfortunately provides the corollary: if it’s bad, it reminds you of just how bad life can be – and she immediately wants to know what she does wrong. Sam then compounds the problem by mentioning that sometimes she grunts, athletic-like. Tara goes from 0-60 in about three seconds, furious that he ruined the only ten good minutes of her day (“It was more than ten minutes,” protests poor Sam) and screaming, “Fuck you … fuck everybody!” before storming out of the trailer.
Rene and Arlene get a flat tire on the way home. He gets out to check, and asks her to bring him the flashlight. She does, but it won’t light. He asks her to check the batteries … and there’s an engagement ring inside. On his knees, by the not-flat tire, Rene asks her to marry him. So cute! “Why didn’t you say anything at the Red Lobster?” cries Arlene happily. That’s pretty funny.
This is a dream: in the morning, Bill has made a full breakfast for Sookie when she makes her way to the kitchen. She wonderingly points out that it’s light out and as he turns to the window, he bursts into flames. Sookie wakes up in her own bed, alone.
The coroner is on the phone, crying, as the sheriff notifies him that the fourth coffin contained the remains of his assistant, Neil, the fangbanger that Sookie had glimpsed at Fangtasia. After the sheriff gets off the phone, Andy mutters that Neil was creepy: what nineteen-year-old goes to work at a funeral parlor? And then, “speaking of freaks,” they see Sam Merlotte walk by and get out to talk with him about the vampire incident in his bar. They leave, then Andy comes back to ask about Sam running around naked in the woods. Sam ‘fesses up, saying he comes from a family of naturists (Andy: “Like birdwatchers?” Sam: “No, not naturalists.”). His folks were nudists and once a year he honors their memory by taking a run through the woods like they used to. Boy, that Andy’s a dumbass if he’s buying that.
In the bar’s kitchen, Lafayette and Tara talk about whether or not the exorcism worked for her momma. He thinks she got a bargain for $445, especially if it seems to keep Lettie Mae on the straight path. Jason picks Amy up from her shift at the bar and she is snappish, strung out, needing V. He’s much more in control than she is for a change, and tells her that Lafayette won’t sell to him anymore.
When Bill gets back to his house that evening, Eric has made himself right at home, soaking in the bath and bitching that he’s texted Bill three times with no response. Bill: “I hate using the number keys to type.” Hee – good one, Bill. Eric has a favor to ask (“Favor or order?” pouts Bill): “Honestly, did you think you could keep her to yourself?” Bill looks away uncomfortably.
Jason and Amy are still sitting in his truck outside Sam’s bar. Jason complains that this feels kind of like stalking to him. She’s wigging out a little, saying the hunt is the most natural thing in the world. Lafayette finally comes out and drives away; they follow, headlights off. Lafayette’s got himself a date with a pudgy, dorky vampire … holy shit, it’s Stephen Root! The vampire is all over him, sniffing and rubbing, but Lafayette reminds him that he needs juice first, before they play. Vamp: “I always look forward to Monday nights – first Heroes, then you.” He’s pathetic, asking if Lafayette likes him. After the blood is drawn and packed away in the cooler, they kiss and then Lafayette murmurs that he’ll take care of the vampire, drawing him off the couch and towards the bedroom. Wow. Stephen Root as a gay Southern vampire.
Bill has taken Sookie to Fangtasia at Eric’s behest. She’s a little put out that she can apparently be checked out like a library book but Bill informs her that “Eric is sheriff of Area 5,” a position that carries with it great power. As long as Eric’s requests are reasonable, they should accommodate them. She mentions her dream and he reassures her that he wouldn’t burst into flame in sunlight … right away anyway.
Oh wow again: Tara is back at Miss Jeannette’s exorcism hideaway. Oh dear: Andy has called the naturist community in Texas that Sam said his parents belonged to and the head naked guy has no record of any Merlottes. I guess I have to take back what I said about Andy being dumb.
Eric has called Sookie to his club because he wants her to read the staffs’ minds to discover who’s stolen $60,000 from them. The accountant goes first: he didn’t do it.
Amy watches greedily as Lafayette emerges from Vampire Stephen Root’s house with his cooler. After he drives away, they pull into the driveway. Jason’s worried that the vampire will kill them. Amy pulls off her necklace – a silver lariat – and then takes something out of her purse. “What the hell’s that?” squeaks Jason. Stephen Root is watching TV when they ring his doorbell. He opens the door and Amy throws a silver chain mail hood over the vampire’s head (and the sizzling and smoking start immediately– eesh) and binds his hands with her lariat. He is shrieking and begging as they carry him out and throw him into the back of Jason’s truck. Ooh, Amy, this isn’t good.
Sookie has interviewed almost all the humans on Eric's payroll; the last one is a skanky blonde go-go dancer. She didn’t do it either, although she knows who did – but her memory has been wiped, glamored by a vampire. A vampire? Eric hadn’t considered that. Caught out, the bartender growls ferociously, fangs up, and hurls himself over the bar to wrap his hands around Sookie’s neck. I think he’s the one who took the money, don’t you?
Next time on True Blood / previously on True Blood
13 hours ago