Book review: The Real Animal House by Chris Miller

Who doesn’t love the movie, Animal House? I mean, be honest - that is a great movie. So much fun – drunken, sexy, disrespectful fun. The book, The Real Animal House written by the real Pinto (played by Tom Hulce in the movie) is everything the movie is, only exponentially so. This is a raunchy, slightly fictionalized retelling of the Dartmouth Alpha Delta Phi debauchery of the early 1960s.

Now, I’m no prude, but I did find this book to be a little much. Miller is neither very funny nor that good a writer (or maybe he is and he just didn’t work that hard at it this time) and it took some fortitude on my part to make through 300+ pages of vomiting, urination, defecation, masturbation and fornication … repeated ad nauseum. While Harold Ramis’s foreword states that Miller was on the National Lampoon staff and co-wrote the movie with him, this book's prose leads me to believe that the others on the writing team took Miller’s wild tales and crafted them into the movie comedy we know and love.

The “where are they now?” section at the end of The Real Animal House is pretty interesting. A fair number of the Adelphia brothers are dead, several from alcohol-related issues; John Belushi’s character, Bluto, is a composite of several of Miller’s AD brothers; and Miller insists that Dean Wormer’s wife is in no way representative of the wife of his actual college dean (hee!). One thing that I think this book does do well is represent the strong friendships that can arise out of fraternities; Miller seems to have kept in touch with many of his brothers to this day.

The Real Animal House is a book for actual Alpha Delts or for people who are enormous fans of the movie and want to immerse themselves in all the lore. For the rest of us, it may be a little more than we need or want to know.

Movie review: One Missed Call

Hollywood has done it again, remaking an R-rated Japanese horror flick, Chakushin ari into a watered-down PG-13 boo-movie. I’ve not seen the 2003 original but I’ll venture to say that One Missed Call pretty much missed the mark.

The story is this: young and pretty people – purportedly college students but none of them live in dorms and the one house we see is pretty swank for off-campus housing – receive mysterious voicemails from themselves sent from the future right at the moment of their upcoming, unavoidable deaths. The heroine, played woodenly by Shannon Sossamon, becomes concerned as her friends are picked off one by one and enlists a handsome and sympathetic cop (Edward Burns) to get to the bottom of the mystery. Throw in some off-screen child abuse, a flickery ghost or two, a haunted hospital and an unsatisfying ending, and you’ve got yourself a movie!

I feel as though there were some missed opportunities in One Missed Call. The cast is pretty strong for this genre: besides the aforementioned Sossamon and Burns it includes Azura Skye, Jason Beghe, Margaret Cho and the always fun Ray Wise in a cameo as a sleazy reality television producer. The supporting cast did a good job but Sossamon had the same dazed expression on her face for the whole movie and Burns was clearly just phoning it in.

Since this American version is rated only PG-13, there is obviously no gore and very little violence, much of it done off-screen. I jumped once, at the very beginning as the first victim was dragged by her face into a koi pond, but that was it for the startle-scares. In addition, it seemed as though the filmmakers couldn’t decide what sort of horror film they wanted to make: some of the deaths were by “accident” a la Final Destination (falling off a train platform, getting impaled by rebar) while others were clearly supernatural, brought on by the vengeful ghost. The ghost just wasn’t that scary, however; by now, American audiences are so over the flickering, stuttering, creepily hooded Asian-derived spirit. We want a new boogeyman.

As far as the DVD itself, there are zero extras. There are several previews and you can choose between a wide-screen and a standard-screen view. That’s it.

Neither as scary nor interesting as The Ring (or even The Grudge), One Missed Call is a movie I wish I’d missed altogether.

Movie review: Iron Man

I am a late bloomer when it comes to comic books. As in, I started at age 38. I've now got a Buffy subscription, and am systematically working my way through Fables and Y: The Last Man, and recently purchased the Watchmen omnibus. I know nothing about Iron Man - never even heard of the guy until Ain't It Cool News started salivating over the potential movie a while back. That being said, I do like superhero movies and, after doing enough online research to learn that Robert Downey Jr. was playing the lead and Jon Favreau was directing, I thought I should go see the flick, Iron Man source material ignorance notwithstanding. Oh, I am so glad I did. This movie is fan-fuckin'-tastic. Of all the superhero movies I've seen, I would place Iron Man in the top two - the other one being the original Superman.

First of all, Marvel Comics is the producing company and if anyone is going to know how to stay true to the source material, they are. Secondly, they hired actors who can act: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges - people who can actually bring some emotion and believability to the onscreen antics (ahem, Daredevil/Ben Affleck, I'm looking at you). Third, the special effects were great; it's impossible to tell what's a practical effect and what's CGI. Fourth, it's superfun - Batman Begins was a pretty good superhero movie too, but Iron Man is just more fun: whereas Bruce Wayne is a dark and tormented gajillionaire who likes gadgets, Tony Stark is a hard drinking, womanizing, carousing gajillionaire who likes gadgets. Who's going to have the better parties, really? And finally, Robert Downey Jr. is lookin' FINE in this movie. Homeboy is smokin' hot. Mmmm-hmm. Damn.

I saw this at a matinee with six other people, with a big goofy grin on my face for at least half of the movie (especially when Stark is figuring out how to fly in his Iron Man suit - the glee on RDJ's face is infectious) ... if I liked it that much in a nearly empty theater, imagine what a blast it will be to see it with a theater full of fans. Go see this movie! If you're a comics fan, go see it! If you're an action fan, go see it! If you're a Robert Downey Jr. or a Jon Favreau fan, go see it! Hell, just go see it!

Lost episode recap – “Something Nice Back Home” (S4E10) airdate 05/01/08

I regret to inform you all that this is going to be a Jack-centric episode, just in time for May sweeps. You know, I would rather watch an episode focused on anyone else, even Kate. I find Jack more whiny and annoying with each episode and it really doesn’t help that whenever I look at Matthew Fox, all I can see is Party of Five (known to me and mine as "Five Kids Crying").

Jack – wake up! Juliet, with difficulty, rouses our hero as the Losties are confronting Daniel and Charlotte on the beach, with Bernard and Rose ring-leading. Jack calms everyone, saying that he knows that Daniel and Charlotte are liars but that the Boat people will have to come back for them and that’s when the Losties will get off the Island. And then he collapses.

Flash-forward: Jack wakes up at home, a very lovely home actually. He goes downstairs, does domestic stuff like making coffee, stepping grouchily on a toy Millenium Falcon (yay, Han Solo!), picking up frilly chick underwear off the floor. When he goes back upstairs, there’s a woman in the shower. It’s Kate. When she gets out of the shower, there’s smoochies. It is remarkably chemistry-free. Bleh.

Still in the flash, Jack is reading to Aaron. Apparently he has gotten over his issues from earlier this season. Toddler Aaron actually looks like Claire. After the bedtime story, Jack and Kate talk and grope each other in the hallway. Kate is so glad he changed his mind about Aaron and is here with her. I am so bored. He scoops her up, hands firmly gripping her ass, and carries her back into the bedroom for s-e-x. At least she got a haircut when she got off the Island.

On Island: Jack revives, insisting that he’s just dehydrated. Kate is worried, saying he is burning up. Back in his tent, Jack takes some more antibiotics, telling Juliet that he thinks he’s got food poisoning. She tells him to lift his shirt – which he doesn’t want to do, knowing what’s really wrong with him – and probes his abdomen. He has appendicitis, but no rupture yet. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to take it out,” says Juliet matter-of-factly. I have an friend whose appendix ruptured when he was an adult: it was incredibly serious and kept him in the hospital for weeks back here in civilization. A rupture out there on Lost Island could spell doom for our Jack. If only.

Miles, Sawyer, Claire and Aaron trek through the jungle and Miles stops cold, seeing/hearing dead people. Turns out, they are in the clearing where Rousseau and Karl got shot: Miles hears them and then uncovers the bodies. Claire gets swoony; Sawyer gets protective (the continuing kindler, gentler Sawyer – so weird! and weirdly hot!). Miles insists that he is not a part of the people who did this. They keep moving.

Beach: Juliet sends Sun off to the medical station for surgical instruments. Daniel offers to help her. When Sun and Jin are suspicious about his intentions, Charlotte gets pissy and then Daniel calls her out for having a bad attitude. Finally, Juliet sends Sun, Jin and the two Boaties off together, giving Jin a gun and telling him to shoot the Boaties in the leg if they offer any guff. She continues to give orders, trying to set up a sterile environment for Jack’s impending surgery. Kate, who must be exercising amazing restraint to let Juliet run this show (even though Juliet actually is a doctor), asks Juliet why they don’t just take Jack up to the medical station instead. Because his appendix could rupture and he could die if they try to move him. Oh, says Kate’s stunned face.

Still on the beach: Everyone is busy helping save Jack. Rose wants to know why it is that the day before they’re supposed to be rescued, the person they count on the most comes down with a life-threatening complaint. “People get sick, Rose,” scoffs Bernard. (But if you read this interview with the actor who plays Ben, you’ll learn that the Island demands balance in all things: something good happening requires something bad to balance it out.) Rose insists that people don’t get sick on this Island – here, they get better. Juliet preps Jack and Dr. Controlfreak says he doesn’t want to be knocked out: he wants to watch the surgery and talk Juliet through it. He also wants Kate to be in there to assist, even when Juliet says she thinks someone with medical experience would be better. “No, I want it to be Kate.” Oh, whatever.

Flash-forward: Jack thinks he sees his father walking through the hospital. Then, he gets a phone call from a Dr. Stillman. Later, at what looks to be a mental hospital, Dr. Stillman tells Jack that “he” is not taking his meds and not sleeping, therapy has become useless. It’s Hurley, of course. Jack wants to know why Hurley won’t take his meds. “Because we’re dead. All the Oceanic 6, we’re dead. We never got off the Island.” Jack says that no, they’re not dead, he’s happy and living with Kate. Sounds like Heaven, says Hurley. He then says that he was happy too post-Island until he started seeing Charlie, who seems to be visiting a lot lately. Yesterday Charlie told Hurley that Jack would be stopping by and gave him a message to pass along: “You’re not supposed to raise him, Jack.” Hurley is crying a little. “Do you think he means Aaron?” Jack stands up, disturbed, snapping, “Take your meds, Hurley.” As Jack turns to go, Hurley says that Charlie told him that someone would be visiting him soon. I bet it’s Jack’s dad! What’s his name again? Oh, right: Christian Shepard.

Island/Medical Station Excursion: Sun, Jin, Daniel and Charlotte enter the medical station, Sun waxing slightly nostalgic about when Juliet brought her here to confirm her pregnancy. As they speak together in Korean, Charlotte keeps glancing at them. Jin catches her peeking – I think he thinks what I think, which is that Charlotte understands Korean.

Sawyer’s crew: The bushes start to rustle and Sawyer cocks his gun (not a euphemism). It’s Frank Lepidus, who’s got a GPS and Kimi right behind him. Frank tells Miles to hide his crew and fast. They do, just before Kimi’s smoke-monster-ravaged mercenaries burst into the clearing. Kimi hears Aaron make a baby squeak but Frank manages to get the mercenaries moving, saying he’s not going to attempt to fly at night so they’d better get a move on if they want to get back to the boat. Sawyer, in his new role of responsibility, looks sweaty and relieved. Kate would give that up for frakkin’ Dr. Pole-up-his-ass? She’s nuts.

Beach: Juliet asks Kate to assist; Kate is reluctant but agrees. Jack comes out of his tent and Kate walks him to the surgery site. He wants to talk about what might happen but she won’t oblige him.

Flash-forward: I’ll admit that I do love Jack’s truck – is it an International Harvester? Way too cool. Anyway, Jack comes home late after hanging out at the mental hospital, waiting for Charlie (or some other dead guy) to show up, and awakens Kate. He wants to know if she really thinks that he’s good at being a dad to Aaron. She does. He asks her to marry him - he’s even got a ring. They’re both crying as she says yes, of course she will. I have to pause the DVR to go throw up. This episode is, so far, such a blatant sop to the Jack/Kate ‘shippers. Ugh.

Island/beach: The medical excursion crew brings back the instruments. Jin tells Charlotte, in Korean, that he knows that she can understand him and if she continues to lie to him about it now, he’ll break Daniel’s fingers one at a time. “What do you want?” she answers in Korean. He tells her that Sun is to be taken off the Island in their helicopter. What about the rest of you and your friends? Just get Sun out of here.

Surgery: Bernard is helping too. I forget what it is he did in the real world – does anyone remember? Bernard gives Jack an injection of Lidocaine after Jack once again refuses the more comfortable alternative of general anesthetic. Juliet starts cutting and poking. The local anesthetic is not enough and Jack starts to flail around in great pain. Juliet shouts at Bernard to put him under; Jack protests, begging Kate to help him. Juliet yells at Kate to get the hell out and for Bernard to knock Jack the hell out. Kate, insipid wench that she is, just cries as Bernard puts the chloroform (or whatever) to Jack’s face.

Flash-forward: Jack is studying X-rays and recording dictation. He hears a beeping down the hall and tracks it down: a smoke detector’s low battery. And there’s his dead father, sitting on a lobby sofa. Nope, just a hallucination. As a colleague leaves the office for the evening, he hits her up for a prescription for something (anti-anxiety, I think). She obliges. And thus the prescription drug addiction begins. Jack goes home to catch Kate on the phone. When he asks to whom she was talking, he thinks she’s lying when she says just a mom she met at the park. Kate goes upstairs to bed and Jack immediately takes a pill, washing it down with half a bottle of beer.

Island/Sawyer’s group: By the light of a very nice campfire, Claire awakens to find Aaron gone from her bedroll. Scared, she looks around and sees Christian Shepard holding the baby across the fire from her. In the reveal of the very worst kept Lost secret ever, Claire furrows her brow and exclaims, “Dad?”

Commercials. Iron Man trailer. I have never read an Iron Man comic in my life and yet I cannot wait to see this movie. I love Robert Downey, Jr.

Island/beach: Bernard finds Kate and tells her that the surgery went well, and that Juliet says Kate can come in and see the patient. When she does, Juliet tells her that he didn’t lose very much blood, the appendix is out and Jack is all stitched up. Juliet apologizes for yelling at her, and then confesses that Jack kissed her the other day. “It was nice, but it wasn’t for me. It was for him. I think he was trying […] to prove that he doesn’t love someone else.” Kate gets all teary again, thanks Juliet for saving Jack’s life and rushes out. Juliet tidies up for a moment and then says to Jack, “I know you’re awake.” And he is.

Flash-forward: Kate – with her Islandesque extensions miraculously restored (yuck) – comes home to find Jack in the living room, surrounded by beer and scotch bottles. He wants to know where she was. She wants to know what’s going on. He tells her that he’d been to see Hurley and then asks again where she was. She asks him to trust her but he can’t, and asks again and again where she’s been. Finally, crying (AGAIN), she says that she was doing something for Sawyer, something she’d promised to do. Jack is all jealous and wants to know what she promised: “He made his choice … I’m the one who came back, I’m the one who saved you.” Kate throws down an ultimatum, saying he’s got to clean up his act around her son. “Your son?” Jack is incredulous, “You’re not even related to him!” Oh – snap!

Island/Sawyer’s crew: When Sawyer wakes up, Claire is gone. Miles tells him that she just walked off into the jungle in the middle of the night with someone she called “Dad.” Just then they hear the baby crying. Sawyer grabs his gun (not a euphemism) and runs off, quickly finding Aaron, cradled in some tree roots, but no Claire. The episode closes with the baby screaming and Sawyer screaming for the baby’s mother.

5/7/08: P.S. to the folks who think I'm too hard on Jack: I am not alone.

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Now I am a little LAMB

This is the "new friends" thing I alluded to in yesterday's first anniversary post: FMS is proud to be one of the LAMBs - the Large Association of Movie Blogs! This is a consortium of bloggers, more or less like me, whose particular obsession is movies. I am #85 in the group and more bloggers are joining up every day.

What's the point? Firstly, for those of you who like to read movie blogs, the LAMB offers a snapshot highlight of each of its members so, rather than Googling for movie sites 'til your eyes bleed, you can simply scroll through the LAMB ranks to find sites that you like. (My most recent discovery is Final Girl, an extremely funny and clever horror blog.)

Secondly, for those of us who like to write movie blogs, the LAMB offers a place to meet likeminded bloggers and get more exposure for our habits pets hobbies blogs.

So go, browse and enjoy! You can get there by clicking the cute little LAMB over there on the right.

Happy One Year Anniversary, FMS!

My gosh - has it been a year already? I had hoped to have some big faboo news for my first anniversary post - like Television Without Pity called and wants to pay me $100,000/year to recap whatever I want - or an amazing book, movie or show to review for you. Instead, I'm halfway through a review DVD of One Missed Call and, um, uck.

So I'll have to settle for a huge THANK YOU to my huge fan-base for all your hits (7,889 and counting) and all your comments (+/- 10 and counting) and all your support. I am having such a hoot doing this blog. I feel as though my writing is improving, I'm learning stuff and I'm not entirely wasting my time with vapid entertainment if I can translate my response into something somebody reads sometime. Blogging is pretty cool. I really think this Internets thing is going to catch on one of these days.

Please come back, again and again, and bring your friends, and leave your comments. I'm going to "launch" an exciting new "feature" soon and you won't want to miss that. And I'm making friends in the blogosphere and hope to connect you with them soon as well.

Anyhoo, thanks again for a grrrrrrreat! first year. Here's to many, many more with the Mouse!

Book review: Sharp Teeth by Toby Barlow

In his debut novel, Sharp Teeth, Toby Barlow revisits an ages-old mythology, lycanthropy, and places it smack dab in the center of present day Los Angeles. This is no frilly urban fantasy, however: these werewolves are hip and modern, involved in gang warfare, organized crime, card playing for money, meth labs and no-kill animal shelters. What makes this book brilliant is that it’s written in blank verse. You heard me. Sharp Teeth is a three-hundred page poem about bloodthirsty noir werewolves.

There is a lot going on in this novel, with at least three main storylines to keep track of. We meet Anthony first: a young man whose new career as a city dogcatcher begins because other dogcatchers begin mysteriously disappearing. Anthony doesn’t much care for his new life, preferring the company of his quarry to that of his crass coworkers, until he meets a mysterious young woman in a bar. They connect immediately and eventually fall into real, warm, foolish love – which would be sweet except she’s actually a werewolf who is trying to extricate herself from her pack. Werebitch and dogcatcher – surely Romeo and Juliet were no more star-crossed than that.

The pack young woman belongs to (we never learn her name) is run by alpha-dog Lark. He’s been building his membership and honing some secret plan for years, the steps of which include getting a wolf on staff at the city pound as well as winning a bridge tournament. He’s a pretty good guy for a werewolf and when he is betrayed by a close friend and packmember, we feel badly for him. Retreating for a while to lick his wounds, Lark assumes his dog-form and lives comfortably with a lonely suburban woman, enjoying the ear-rubs and only changing back into man-form when she falls asleep after a bottle of wine (in the mornings, she is surprised that the tub of ice cream has been finished). Lark gathers a new pack and prepares to do battle with the rival pack that ousted him.

The third plot thread is that of Peabody, a Los Angeles detective who catches the case of the first missing dogcatcher. Following the leads, he finds a second murdered dogcatcher, and then a third who commits suicide. Prompted by suggestive telephone calls from a lisping man to investigate possible dog-fight dog trafficking, the detective surveils a houseful of blond surfers (also werewolves) and gets himself kidnapped, before witnessing the final bloody battle between the wolf packs.

I will confess to being extremely wary of this book, especially when I saw how long it was – I scarcely like to read haiku. But for all that Sharp Teeth is written in blank verse it’s no poem like I have ever read, except perhaps Christopher Logue’s amazing work on the Iliad. The author has said that he believes the writing style fits the subject matter, that “writing about altered beasts seems to marry well to an altered style of language.” I wholeheartedly agree. The language is taut, visual and visceral. Every word has a purpose and the story is propelled forward with no extraneous mush; the athletic lyricism enables the reader to readily use their imagination to fill in any blanks not expressly parsed out in verse. I found myself turning the pages faster and faster to find out what happened next, and then at a chapter break, going back to reabsorb the striking imagery.

Sharp Teeth is a gritty, grisly, romantic, supernatural thriller, gripping in its content and gorgeous in its execution. Once you are a couple of pages in, you won’t even notice that you’re reading an epic poem. And by the book’s end, I guarantee that you won’t be looking the same way at your own dog.

Movie review: Enchanted

I finally got to cross Enchanted of my list (the list of great 2007 movies that I failed to see when they came out in theaters) and now I know what everyone else knows: Enchanted is a charming and completely delightful, funny and self-referential movie, an uber-Disney flick, if you will.

Right from the start, the movie is packed to the gills with homages to former Disney classics - from the animal sidekicks, to the restaurant Bella Notte, to the apple falling from the poisoned princess's hand. I'm a big Disney cartoon fan and I lost count of all the references - it must have been so much fun to fit them in.

The musical numbers are a hoot. "The Working Song" was a technical marvel, managing live animals, CGI animals and live children all in one scene. The "How Do You Know" number is staggering in scale, meshing all sorts of NYC performers into one huge production (stiltwalkers, a mariachi band, rollerskaters, hip hop dancers and retired Broadway and movie hoofers - including two guys from West Side Story and one from Mary Poppins!).

The casting director should have won an award. Pretty Patrick Dempsey (whom I like because he's from Maine, not because he's on some soapy doctor show that I've never watched) does an excellent job playing straightman to the fabulous Amy Adams - who is just perfect as a cartoon-come-to-life Disney heroine. The real scene stealer is James Marsden as the Prince, throwing himself wholeheartedly into the silly, heroic, self-important and ultimately sweet Edward.

There's not much to critique here. Everyone's already seen this movie so I'm not going to have any big revelations. This movie is great entertainment, gently poking fun at the familiar tropes that have served Disney so long and so well and yet reminding us all why we love a happy ending.

Lost episode recap - “The Shape of Things To Come” (S4E9) airdate 04/24/08

FINALLY!! And, gods be praised, there is very little Jack and Kate in this episode, opening scene notwithstanding. No Desmond at all, however. Oh well.

On Island/Beach. Kate takes a sponge bath on the beach, flirtily watching Jack. Jack peruses the Losties' stash of medicines and takes some pills as he rubs his abdomen. Kate wants to know what he’s just taken: antibiotics for a “stomach bug.” I would think that you shouldn’t waste a limited supply of antibiotics on that sort of thing, frankly – would antibiotics even work on stomach flu? That’s a virus-type thing so, no, that’s just wasting the drugs. Oh, right, I'm supposed to be watching Lost. Kate next worries about why Sayid and Desmond aren’t back yet from the boat. Jack’s not concerned. Just then, Vincent starts barking like crazy down on the beach and Bernard shouts for help. A body has washed up on shore: it’s Ecklie and his throat has been cut. Daniel and Charlotte ‘fess up to knowing him. Now Jack’s concerned.

Barracks. Sawyer, Locke and Hurley are playing Risk (we used to play that a lot in high school - the guys all took it way too seriously). Meanwhile, her captors have dragged Alex, who is at actual risk, to the sonic killing fence. At gunpoint, they make her turn it off … and as she does, the phone rings at Locke’s cottage. When a bemused Locke answers, a mechanized voice repeats: “Code 14-J.” Locke asks Ben what that means and Ben immediately freaks out: “They’re here.” He starts grabbing loaded guns from various hiding places around the cottage, handing them to the guys.

Flash-something (I’m not even going to guess, but it’s in the Sahara Desert and Ben is wearing a Dharma initiative parka, so maybe flashback). He vomits and then turbaned men ride up on horses with guns. The men have the guns, not the horses. No one speaks anyone’s language and they frisk Ben. Suddenly, he goes all ninja on their asses and kills them both – very impressive, Mr. Linus! I have newfound respect. He takes a horse and rides away.

On Island/Barracks. Ben wants them all to hunker down in his cottage but Sawyer insists on fetching Claire first. Ben and Locke start pushing furniture around to block the doorways and when Hurley, holding baby Aaron (who somehow seems younger than when we last saw him) protests – “How’s Sawyer going to get back in?” – Ben snaps, “He’s not.” Meanwhile, Sawyer is searching for Claire. He speaks briefly to some red shirt Losties who immediately get shot by the invaders who have crept up on the Barracks. There is some serious gunplay and Sawyer takes cover behind a picnic table and then a gas grill. There is no way that he is not getting shot – come on. Sawyer shouts for Claire and runs for her cottage … just as the invaders shoot it with some sort of missile. The cottage explodes into a fireball. That can’t be good.

On the beach, Captain Obvious (Jack) notes that Ecklie’s throat has been cut. Because we couldn't figure that out from the teaser shot where they showed us that his throat had been cut. The Losties convince Daniel to try to jury-rig the busted sat phone.

Flash-?/Tunisia: Ben is looking a little ragged as he checks into a hotel. He registers as a “preferred guest, Dean Moriarty.” He has a passport to prove it. The desk clerk gets a little wigged out at his identity but checks him in. He asks her to confirm the date: October 21, 2005. He’s most unsure about the 2005 bit (which she thinks is very strange) but seems happy about it. As Ben goes upstairs, a clip of Sayid is on the television, hounded by reporters, saying [in English, conveniently] “I just want to bury my wife in peace.” So, if it’s 2005, this is a flashforward from Island-time. This show is so confusing.

On Island/Barracks. Gunfire is raging all around Ben's cottage. Aaron is screaming; Locke is shouting, wanting to know what is going on. “Shock and awe,” snarls Ben. He tells Locke that the only person who can help them now is Jacob and they all have to go together. Locke protests that he doesn’t remember how to get to the cabin but Ben says that Hurley does. Outside, Sawyer digs through the rubble of the cottage and finds Claire, alive but dazed. He carries her to Ben’s cottage; Ben refuses to let them in the door so Hurley breaks a window and lets them in that way. Hilariously, the doorbell then rings. Sawyer opens the door and yanks Miles inside. He’s got a walkie and says the invaders want to talk. Ben bugs his eyes out more than normal.

Flashforward/Iraq. People are wailing and holding photographs of Nadia – aww, Sayid married her after all! An incognito (hat and sunglasses) Ben arrives and finds a perch on a rooftop where he starts taking pictures of (1) a bald man and (2) Sayid carrying a coffin. But Sayid sees him and, shortly thereafter, accosts him: “How did you get off the Island?” (So this is post-Island but before the episode where we learn Sayid is working for Ben.) Ben reminds Sayid that Desmond had a boat: he sailed out on a heading to Fiji and then chartered a plane. But why is Ben here in Takrit and what does it have to do with Nadia? Ben says that the bald man he just photographed at Nadia’s processional, Ishmael Bakir, was recently seen speeding away from the intersection of Santa Monica and La Brea in Los Angeles. This has some meaning to Sayid. Oh: that’s three blocks from where Nadia was killed. Sayid wants to know why “these people,” apparently Charles Widmore’s people, would want to murder his wife. If he knows, Ben isn’t telling, but he gets a knowing look on his face as Sayid processes this new information.

On Island. Miles mentions that the invaders have taken Alex hostage and Ben immediately takes the walkie from him. Kimi is on the other end. When Ben looks out the window, Kimi waves to him. He tells Ben to come out with his hands up and no one else will be hurt. Ben thinks this is bullshit and, to prove it, recites a whole bunch of Kimi’s backstory: mercenary, in Uganda. To up the ante Kimi brings Alex out and forces her to her knees, sticking a pistol into the back of her head. Ben is not swayed: he tells Kimi and his wild bunch are to leave the Island and never come back. Even when Alex gets on the walkie and begs, Ben stands strong, refusing to surrender. He tells Kimi that Alex isn’t really his daughter (“I stole her from an insane woman”) and means nothing to him. Then Kimi totally calls his bluff AND SHOOTS ALEX IN THE HEAD. "Whoa!" shouts Friend Mouse. Wow. Ben did not see that coming.

After the commercial, Ben is still standing at the window, staring out at Alex’s body. Kimi and his crew have faded back into the jungle. Sawyer wants to hand Ben over to the invaders; Locke thinks that Kimi won’t let any of them live regardless. Suddenly, Ben stands up, muttering, “This changes the rules.” He scurries into his secret room of fancy suits before they can stop him and dives into a secret passageway.

Flashforward/Iraq. Ben sips tea out of a pretty glass teacup and sneakily watches Bakir in a mirror. When Bakir leaves, Ben follows him through the bazaar but soon loses him in the crowd, allowing Bakir to get around behind him. Thus cornered, Ben says he wants Bakir to take a message to Widmore but before he can give him the message, Sayid has shot and killed Bakir, emptying the gun's clip into the body. Ben tells Sayid to go home, it’s over - “Once you let your grief become anger it will never go away. I speak from experience.” Sayid is devastated from having lost Nadia, however, and quickly decides that Ben’s war is his war. “Benjamin, who is next?” “I’ll be in touch,” says Ben.

On Island/Barracks. Claire comes to just as Ben, filthy-dirty from wherever he’s been in the tunnel, comes back. He tells them to listen up: Run from this house and head for the tree line. Then, the earth starts shaking: it’s the Black Smoke Monster, super-large, super-fast, and tearing the shit out of Kimi’s crew. Awesome. Ben summoned it somehow. Miles is losing his mind, having never seen this shit before. Ben sends the Losties on ahead and goes to say goodbye to Alex who is still lying where Kimi left her. It’s very sad. I don’t think Ben really thought Kimi would call his bluff.

Beach. Daniel has rigged the sat phone as some sort of a telegraph machine to contact the ship. He asks the ship what happened to Ecklie. The ship responds and Daniel says that they’re sending the ‘copter back in the morning. However, Bernard knows Morse code (ooh! secret skill – how fun!) and says that Daniel is lying. What the ship actually said was: “What are you talking about? The doctor is fine.” Oops. Everyone stares at Daniel like he just kicked a puppy. Jack wants to know why Daniel lied and gets all up in his face. “Are you ever going to take us off this Island?” Daniel squirms a little but admits: no. Charlotte is like, “Oh shit.” God, I wish Kate would cut her hair. She still looks ridiculous.

Barracks. The survivors (Locke, Sawyer, Hurley, Claire, Aaron, Miles and Ben) gather in the jungle. Ben and Locke are ready to head off to Jacob’s cabin. But who the hell is Jacob? Sawyer wants to know. He thinks Ben and Locke are nuts. Claire and Miles agree and they head back to the beach; Sawyer wants Hurley to go with them. Locke draws his gun (Hurley is with me!); Sawyer draws his (no, he’s with me!); Hurley is completely uncomfortable with all the attention and says he’ll go with Locke to keep the peace. Wow – Sawyer being loyal to a friend? Weird.

Flashforward/London. A dapper Ben gets out of a cab and goes into a swanky apartment building. I think he’s there to kill someone. He locks the elevator off at the penthouse. It’s Widmore’s flat – I can tell by the painting of the Black Rock ship. Ben wakes Widmore up; Widmore pours himself a drink of scotch. “Have you come to kill me?” “We both know I can’t do that.” Ben says he’s here because Widmore killed his daughter. “Don’t stand there with those horrible eyes of yours [nice!] and blame me for the death of that poor girl.” Widmore is not intimidated, saying that he knows who and what Ben is and that everything Ben has Ben took from him. Okay, says Ben, but he’s going to kill Penelope, tit for tat. As Ben leaves, Widmore says that the Island is his, was his and will be again. Game on, says Ben.

Pretty good episode. They faked us out into thinking that this was when Claire died and then killing innocent Alex instead, which seems to be the turning point for Ben's vengeful retribution. We find out why Sayid would ever join with Ben - knew it had to be something huge, like the murder of the love of his life - and yet Ben is manipulating their relationship right from the start. Sawyer is getting some character development, becoming actual friends with Hurley (who must be lonely without Charlie); I wonder how this may factor into his not being one of the Oceanic Six. And Jack is finally waking up to the fact that the Boaties are not frakkin' there to rescue the Losties - and this may push him in a more desperate direction. Plus Vincent!

Previously on Lost.

Movie review: The King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters

The King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters, directed by Seth Gordon, is a fairly brief, surprisingly poignant documentary about - wait for it - the quest to achieve the world record high score in Donkey Kong. Even growing up in the 1980s I never got into video games, having no hand/eye coordination and the reflexes of a spastic chicken, but many of my friends loved them: Space Invaders, PacMan, Ms. PacMan, Centipede, Q-bert, Frogger and, of course Donkey Kong. This film is about the guys who have never let go of that love.

The documentary focuses on the two erstwhile competitors, Billy Mitchell and Steve Wiebe. Billy was the reigning world champion, attaining the Donkey Kong record high score in 1982 and who pretty much kept the same rad hairstyle since then as well. Steve, on the other hand, is a regular (albeit OCD with a slight inferiority complex) guy who discovered Billy's 20+ year old record after he lost his job and set off after it as a means to accomplish something - anything - in his life.

Drama and controversy abound: Steve breaks the record but the governing body is suspicious; Steve travels across the country to break the record AGAIN, live and in person; just minutes after Steve savors his victory, one of Billy's lackey's presents a videotape on which Mitchell has shattered Steve's attempt. Nearly a year later, Steve flies across the country again, this time with wife and children in tow, to challenge Billy in a live head-to-head competition. But, despite his avowals that a live record is the best record, not to mention only living ten miles from the competition site, Billy Mitchell refuses to compete against a heartbroken Steve. I'm telling you - you can't make this stuff up.

Director Gordon makes no bones about for whom we're supposed to root. Billy Mitchell is smug, successful (he not only runs a booming hot wings franchise but married himself a tarty-looking wife with booming bazooms) and has surrounded himself with panting gamer sycophants. Steve, on the other hand, plays the game obsessively in his garage while his wife bites her nails, worried about whether they'll make the mortgage payment. I'm a sucker for an underdog story and I was soon shouting at the television screen ("Come on, you blowhard! Play him! Billy Mitchell's a chicken!") - much to Mr. Mouse's dismay as he was trying to sleep next to me on the couch. Mr. Mouse doesn't find Donkey Kong competition all that exciting, apparently.

Frankly I don't either but The King of Kong is not ultimately about the video game. It's about believing in yourself, about connecting with other people (perhaps not dating other people, but making connections nonetheless), about passion and obsession. It's about chasing dreams. I think we could all use a little more dream-chasing.