Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #8 Pandorum

I also quite like space horror ... usually.  In 2009's Pandorum, it is 2174 and Earth has pretty much exhausted its resources, sending a massive spaceship out with colonists in search of a habitable new planet.  A couple of Flight Crew 5 members - Bower (played by Ben Foster) and Payton (Dennis Quaid) - are awakened from their cryosleep (or whatever) with no immediately recollection of who they are or what they're doing.  They are locked into their cryobay (or wherever) and can't raise anyone else anywhere on the ship.  While commanding officer Payton stays behind to work on the computer interface (or whatever), Bower crawls through the air ducts to try to open the locked door, find any other living person and restart the ship's reactor which is about to melt down (or something).

Out in the rest of the ship, Bower is dismayed to find two sets of survivors: a couple of awakened colonists who look like space versions of Mad Max and cannibalistic mutants who look like a cross between Firefly's Reavers and The Descent's monsters.  Plus there is some sort of space madness called "Pandorum" that makes humans go crazy and kill each other/themselves.  It's not really explained all that well.

Nothing in this movie is done all that well, to be honest.  It's very dark so it's difficult to see what's going on.  The editing is choppy and the action scenes are sped up, making things difficult to follow.  It's violent but not terribly bloody except for a couple of intestine-eating scenes.  And they went to the trouble of hiring Norman Reedus (my beloved Daryl from The Walking Dead) for what scarcely counts as a cameo before SPOILER he gets dragged off and eaten alive.  What a waste.

I give this one a solid "meh."  Also, WTF with this poster:

Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #7 The Company of Wolves

Of all the horror movies I watch, monster movies are my favorites.  And of all the monster movies (which to me include zombie flicks), I like werewolf movies the best.  The problem is, for some reason there just aren't that many good werewolf movies.  American Werewolf in London - yes oh yes.  Ginger Snaps - you betcha.  Dog Soldiers - can I get a hell-yes.  But past that, pickings get slim.  (The Underworld series = ugh.)

So I've tried to search out some more wolves this year and I found this one:  The Company of Wolves, directed by Neil Jordan (The Crying Game, etc.) with a screenplay credit by Angela Carter, who based it on her short story of the same name from her short story collection, The Bloody Chamber.  It's from 1984 and is more nightmarish fairy tale than out and out horror, although there is one particularly gruesome transformation sequence where the transforming werewolf (Stephen Rea) strips off his human skin before wolfing out.

The outside framework of the movie is set at the country estate of a wealthy family.  The younger daughter is having fever dreams, including one where she and her family are living in Ye Olden Times.  This dream is the main setting of the movie, with characters telling additional stories within the dream.  Werewolves plague Ye Olden Times, werewolves plague the inserted stories - (1) a bridegroom leaves his wife on their wedding night, returning years later and wolfing out when she hasn't waited for him; (2) a boy wolfs out when trying out some snake oil potion; (3) a scorned village witch turns her former lover's wedding party into wolves and makes them howl for her every evening; (4) a wolf girl seeks refuge at a church - and at the end, werewolves break into the younger daughter's waking world, heralding the loss of her innocence.

Some of the images are quite striking, especially the transformed wedding party and the wolves running through the country estate.  The movie itself is a little disjointed - I'm not sure the country estate framework story really worked - but I really enjoyed the fairy tale aspect.

Photo: www.aoaff.gr

Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #6 Suspiria

I have finally watched Dario Argento's Suspiria, that 1977 Italian giallo classic.  It was a trip and, to be honest, a little difficult to describe.  The plot is largely meaningless but, if you really want to know - SPOILERS AHEAD: young American ballet dancer Susie Banyon arrives in Germany to enroll in Tanz Dance Academy.  The night she arrives, another student runs screaming out into the dark and stormy night and no one will let Susie in.  The escaping student and a friend are brutally killed and when Susie finally gets into the academy, everyone is all atwitter with the news.  Other very weird things happen, like maggots falling from the ceiling, Susie falling ill from her food, the blind pianist's Seeing Eye dog killing and eating the blind pianist, another student falling into a room full of razor wire.  You know, usual dance academy stuff.  Susie is tough, resourceful and persistent, however, and soon figures out that the academy is run by a coven.  After she dispatches the main witch, she strides off into the night, strong and beautiful, as the academy burns down behind her.

While Suspiria was a little languid for my frame of mind at the time (and not at all scary), the sets and lighting are simply gorgeous, the music is fantastic and the red tempera paint sloshing everywhere as the buckets of blood is magnificent.  And even though I ended up watching it dubbed in English, the dubbing was pretty good.  Suspiria is really more of a horror concept than anything else.  If you don't need much plot or pacing and just want a technicolor experience to wash over you, if you feel like you should see one of the most influential 1970s proto-horror movies out there, then dive into this one.  (P.S. Speaking of diving, the most amazing indoor swimming pool I have ever seen is in this movie.)

Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #5 The House of the Devil

Yes!  A great one!  Woohoo!  The House of the Devil!

It is the 1980s, from the Walkmans and feathered hair, to the soundtrack, to the camera shots and angles.  Destitute college student Samantha is desperate to score off-campus housing: her roommate boinks random dudes all the time, is a total slob (to Samantha's neat-nik) and can't be bothered to write down her phone messages.  She finds a great little apartment and the understanding landlady (played by Dee Wallace! Cujo! The Hills Have Eyes! E.T.!) waives the first and last deposit.  Samantha still needs to come up with $300 for the first month's rent and manages to land a babysitting job.  When she and BFF Megan (wealthy, with a car, very practical and supportive of her friend; played by Greta Gerwig) drive out to the gig - a gorgeous Victorian - it's creepy.  The weird couple who have hired her don't have a child; the sitting is for an elderly parent who is capable enough, but just in case something happens.  Samantha tries to back out because CREEPY but when they offer her $400, she can't say no.  Megan leaves, the weird couple leave and Samantha settles in.

This is JUST the kind of movie that gives me fidgets.  It is a combination slasher and haunted house film, with some Satanic worship thrown in for good measure - with the slightest tinge of Rosemary's Baby right at the end.  For most of the movie, director Ti West is simply masterful at ratcheting up the tension without showing anything - ANYTHING - to be scared of.  I was so twitchy and jumpy, expecting something to happen and then getting more nervous when nothing did, that I had to get up to get more wine to diffuse some of the tension.  When the slasher portion did kick in, I found it a relief.  Excellent little indie horror movie - highly recommended (unless you prefer really gory and/or torture porn flicks).

Some of my notes:  "DO NOT GO UPSTAIRS people in horror films are SO STUPID" and "JESUS DON'T GO BACK UPSTAIRS" and "SHE FIGHTS BACK"

Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #4 All The Boys Love Mandy Lane

In this pretty terrible slasher-ish flick, shy girl high schooler Mandy Lane got hot over the summer and all of a sudden the cool kids want to hang out with her, to the chagrin of her former nerdy BFF, Emmett.  She goes off with them for a weekend at Red's family ranch, out in the middle of East Nowhere; the group is a bunch of horror movie stereotypes: Red, kind of a loser but rich; Chloe, blonde bimbo; Byrd, nice guy and the only African-American; Jake, good-looking and full of himself; Marlon, brunette bimbo and super-promiscuous.  All the boys hit on Mandy incessantly and, for a shy girl, she fends them off capably; she does catch her breath for a moment when the hot ranch hand, Garth (omg they named him "Garth"), shows up.  There is much partying and drinking and doing of drugs and having of sex among the teenagers and then they start getting picked off one by one: Marlon, then Jake, then Byrd, etc., etc.

NOTE:  After Byrd gets killed - and the killer is revealed, about halfway through the film - my notes read, "This movie sucks & is stupid."

There is a bit of a twist that I should have seen coming, even though it makes very little sense character-wise, but really, to be honest, the most ridiculous part of the whole movie (and there are a lot of ridiculous parts) is that Mandy has no trouble driving a standard-shift truck.

Amber Heard is Mandy (and boy, she is really pretty); Edwin Hodge is Byrd (Edwin played "Wade" on Cougar Town and is also a Purge cast member); Anson Mount, of the universally-panned Inhumans, is Garth, god help him.  Seriously, I can't recommend this flick at all.  It's dumb and not at all scary and I'm not surprised that it disappeared for seven years between its original festival debut and then its wide release.  Meh.

Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #3 Something Wicked This Way Comes

I read Ray Bradbury's 1962 novel, Something Wicked This Way Comes, not too long ago and enjoyed it quite a lot.  And then I watched Disney's 1983 movie version and felt a little let down.  I suppose that I should have known when the Disney logo popped up that this wasn't going to be all I hoped.

In broad strokes, in October a sinister carnival arrives in a small Midwestern town.  It's run by Mr. Dark and his assistants, Mr. Cooger and a fortune-teller.  Through their machinations, some townsfolk are overcome and transformed.  Two boys, Will Holloway (blond/a good boy) and Jim Nightshade (brunette/attracted to the dark side) come up against Mr. Dark and his baddies, and with the help of Will's father, finally send the evil carnival on its way.

The book was wonderfully done, with developed characters and truly spooky sequences.  The movie, however, falls flat on nearly all front.  The characters are thin, the dialogue awkward and the child actors are truly terrible.  The special effects are pretty poor for Disney, even for early 1980s.  Mr. Dark (played by Jonathan Pryce) doesn't get much screen time and he's just not that scary.  I get that there's only so much horror you will get with a Disney flick, I do.  But really, I would re-title this one as "Something Disappointing This Way Comes."  It does have a pretty great poster though:

Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #2 IT: Chapter One

I am a huge Stephen King fan.  I cannot tell you how many times I've read the massive tome that is IT.  And I've seen the 1990 miniseries several times: I'm very fond of Tim Curry's Pennywise, Seth Green as Richie Tozier and most of the adult casting (Harry Anderson/Richie, John Ritter/Ben, Annette O'Toole/Bev, Tim Reid/Mike - I just didn't much care for Richard Thomas as grown Bill).  I know the story fairly well and thus was well-prepared to watch the new (2017) IT: Chapter One.

The new IT movies break the story in two:  the first one covers the kids' story, now set in 1988; the second one, not out yet, will wrap things up with the adult versions of the Losers Club.  For much of the first movie, things stay fairly faithful to the source material.  We start with a bang with Bill and Georgie:  Bill making his little brother a paper boat; Georgie chasing the boat in the rain; Georgie getting his right arm chomped off by Pennywise the Clown and then dragged down into the sewers, never to be found again.  Bill and his friends, Eddie, Richie and Stan, are soon joined by tomboy Bev, new kid Ben and home-schooled Mike as they investigate the town's history and the many, many missing kids.  Each of them sees Pennywise, who manifests as each's particular fear, and then when Bev is taken by Pennywise, the rest of the Losers head into the sewers to rescue her.  All the while fending off some hard-core bullying from Henry Bowers and his thugs.

Obviously, with a source book that massive, things needed to be edited down.  Some bits were very faithful:  Eddie's leper, the blood erupting out of Bev's sink, the rock fight.  Some things were changed: Richie being afraid of clowns instead of the Wolfman; Stan's being haunted by a painting instead of drowned children; Mike's parents dying in a fire (and a name-check of the Black Spot massacre); having the entrance to the sewers be an old well-house instead of the "morlock holes;"  using a bolt gun instead of a slingshot and silver shot against Pennywise.  Perhaps the most egregious change - aside from Mike's character being a total non-entity - was turning Beverly into a damsel in distress, needing to be rescued by her friends.  In the book, young Bev is the toughest of them all - brave enough to go into the sewers and the best shot with the slingshot of all of them.  I hated that change.

Bill Skargard as Pennywise was pretty good - nothing goofy about him but being able to turn on a dime from clown-charming to sinister.  Despite his best efforts, however, this chapter of IT isn't terribly scary, despite its rating.  We'll see if they ratchet things up for Chapter Two.

Ninth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #1 Train to Busan

It's October!  Welcome back to as many scary movies as I can cram into one month (a/k/a nearly the only reason I keep this blog going anymore).  First up: Korean zombies with subtitles!

After so many zombie movies, what could possibly be left?  Train to Busan shows us with what is very nearly a bottle episode movie.  When a biotech company has a leak, the ensuing zombie apocalypse happens very, very quickly.  In fact, the whole movie takes place over the course of about twenty-four hours.  We don't get to see the precipitating incident and we barely see the run-up: a truck driver hits a deer and right after he drives off, the roadkill resurrects itself.  The carnage kicks in quickly, however, as various horror movie stereotypes board a passenger train (to Busan!) and one infected woman manages to board just as the train leaves the station.  Once en route, the train can't stop - all the cities have already fallen to the fast-rising zombies - Busan is supposed to be a safe haven.  One larger group of the living has barricaded itself towards the front of the trail; the smaller group of our heroes must make their way from the back of the train up to the rest of the humans, battling their way through multiple cars of vicious zombies.

Train to Busan does a pretty good job of setting the rules for its zombie universe - although I was never quite clear on whether the zombies could actually be killed.  The human characters were sketched pretty thinly, all stereotypes like overworked businessman who ignores his child, said ignored child (very cute), redneck with a heart of gold and a pregnant wife, high school baseball team, self-serving asshole who we hate as much as the zombies.  You know the drill.  Thin characters aside, being trapped on a train - a la Snowpiercer, to which I kept getting flashbacks - focused the action and made it more exciting than the usual running through woods/cities/etc. from lurching zombies.  Good zombie gore, sad but slightly hopeful ending, solid genre entry.

Mini book review: Books of Blood: Volumes One to Three by Clive Barker

I thought I was a Clive Barker fan but as it turns out, I haven't consumed enough of his output to count.  Sure, I've seen and quite liked Hellraiser (and Nightbreed is on my list of to-sees).  But I also thought I'd read some of his books and, scanning his bibliography, I guess I was wrong about that.  Because I thought I was a fan, I was surprised whenI didn't like his short story collection, Books of Blood, better.  I do like horror shorts a lot and thankfully, this collection has a lot to indulge in.  I found a few stories that I did like: the battle of wills in "The Yattering and Jack," the theatre's immortality in "Sex, Death and Starshine,"  "Jacqueline Ess: Her Will and Testament," when movies take form in "Son of Celluloid," the worst island in the world in "Scape-Goats."  Again, however, many of the characters felt thin and I had difficulty connecting with the little worlds created in each story - which, again, I don't have any trouble with in the short stories of King, Hill and Gaiman.

Mini book review: The Outsider by Stephen King

When well-liked youth coach Terry Maitland is arrested for a sadistic and gruesome murder, his community is shaken to its foundation.  When Maitland's family and friends prove that he was literally in two places at the exact time of the murder, lead Detective Ralph Anderson doesn't know what to think.  And when things get weirder - like supernaturally so - Anderson has to put his faith in evidence and police procedure aside and put his faith in things he cannot see. 


The Outsider by Stephen King is a middling King novel, not his best but not his worst.  The crimes committed are terrible but the villain himself is not super-scary.  It has the return of Holly Gibney, a main character from the Bill Hodges trilogy of Mr. Mercedes / Finders Keepers / End of Watch, who uses her expertise in the world of the weird to help Ralph Anderson, while Anderson helps her re-engage with the world after Bill Hodges's death. The Outsider doesn't have the depth of characterization of those Bill Hodges books, though - for the first part of the book, I assumed Terry Maitland was going to be main character, not Detective Anderson, and I was a little surprise when the focus switched.  This novel does have some nice call-backs to the Hodges books, however, and it was nice to see Holly again.  Maybe I should re-read that trilogy.