Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #8 28 Years Later

 The third in the 28 installment ... having loved 28 Days Later and liked 28 Weeks Later quite well, to say that I was looking forward to Danny Boyle's 28 Years Later was an understatement.  Now, having watched it, was it worth the wait?  I think so, but I also can understand the ire I've seen from viewers who were expecting more of the same from the "rage zombie" situation.

Synopsis: Twenty-eight years after Londoners unwittingly unleashed the rage virus on an unsuspecting Great Britain, the world has managed to contain the virus to the British Isles.  Great Britain is under quarantine, its surrounding waters surrounded by other country's navies.  No one is allowed off the British Isles and the denizens have been left to fend for themselves.  The residents of Holy Island are doing better than most: connected to the mainland by a causeway that is only accessible at low tide, with deadly rip currents otherwise, the folk there are doing okay, in a just-above-medieval lifestyle sort of way.  (They are a little weird religously but understandable.)  They do have a tradition of sending youth to the mainland when they are 14-15, to learn to kill the infected.  

Young Spike, age 12, is old for his age in many ways (dealing with a sick mum); his dad Jamie (Aaron Taylor-Johnson, unrecognizable) takes him over for his field trip.  Spike successfully kills a couple of slow ones (fat, sluglike, crawling on their bellies) but gets overwhelmed by the fast ones (the regular rage zombies) and both he and his dad are chased back to their island by an "alpha" - bigger, stronger and slightly smarter than the other infected.  Back home, however, his mum (Jodie Comer) is worse and Spike devises a plan to sneak back to the mainland with her to confer with a nearby crazy doctor (Ralph Fiennes).

Are there gross and scary rage zombies?  Yes.  Does the alpha like to pull the heads off of people and animals?  Yes.  Was I at ever time scared of the infected or worried that our heroes might not make it?  No, not at all.  27YL is not actually scary.  It's more like an Alice in Wonderland/Wizard of Oz journey for Spike and his mum, wandering through beautiful landscapes and meeting really weird and/or dangerous people.  I loved it, although it isn't the zombie movie that most people were expecting.  And the very ending fell a little flat, as it is clearly setting things up for the next film.  But this was not what I thought I was going to be seeing and I appreciated it all the more for that.

Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #7 Fear Street: Prom Queen

 Oops!  Missed a couple of days - was trying for the every other day posting thing - sorry.  And, unfortunately, this one won't have been worth waiting for.  I REALLY need to get myself a Shudder subscription because the mainstream horror streamers have been uninspiring, to say the least.  I was poking around on Netflix (having recently given up our Hulu/Disney/HBO scrip and being unwilling to sign my "smart tv" onto my Amzn account for the Prime offerings): I'm fixing to dive into the new 28 Years this weekend but needed a midweek watch.  And I landed on Fear Street: Prom Queen.  

I've watched a couple other of these R.L. Stine Fear Streets.  I know they're for the tweens.  I've never read any of the books and I don't know if it's important to have seen all of the Fear Street movies - I suspect not, but I also think there were some callbacks/references that I missed.  Regardless, I have been in the mood for some 80s horror and this was ... sort of that.

Set in 1988, at the Shadyside High School prom, we've got a slasher flick whose masked killer is working his/her way through the prom queen candidates, and their dates, and a whole bunch of adjacent fodder.  The plot is pretty simple: a mean girl, her coterie and an outsider are all in the running for Prom Queen.  The outsider has family baggage and a weird BFF, but used to be friends with - and now has a crush on - the mean girl's boyfriend.  A whole bunch of people get hacked to pieces - mad props to the guillotine paper cutter! - and SPOILER the outsider girl does actually get to be Prom Queen.

Look, at the risk of aging myself, I literally was the class of 1988.  And my high school/prom looked nothing like this.  Budget is probably an issue but at best, the costuming was a combination 80s/90s.  The music was okay but the hair was way off.  Kudos to nabbing Lili Taylor, Chris Klein and Katherine Waterston to play the adults.

In a nutshell, not a complete waste of time: meh acting, decent body count/gore, not scary.

Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #6 The Blackening

 Actually, I tried to watch I Saw the TV Glow first.  I failed.  It was stylish and vibey and a little creepy.  But it was also SO SLOW that I got tired of falling asleep in the middle of it and gave up.

So, The Blackening instead, which is not at all slow but a very clever, very funny horror comedy.  You know the horror trope where the black character gets killed first in the slasher movie?  Well, the black main characters know it too:  "We can't all die first."

The plot is that a group of college friends reunite ten years after graduation, going to a cabin (pretty fancy cabin) in the woods for card and board games, drinking, party drugs and catching up.  Once they get there, however, they are targeted by a racistly-masked, crossbow-carrying bad guy who starts picking them off.  What happens next is a rapid fire, hilarious and also true-feeling demonstration of black culture and black horror film culture.  The cast knows the assignment and has tremendous chemistry; the pacing is brisk.  The Blackening isn't at all scary but it is massively entertaining.

Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #5 The Monkey

 As noted here before, Stephen King adaptations are hit or miss, despite how good his books are.  His short story collection, Skeleton Crew, out in a fortieth (!) anniversary edition, contains three stories that have been made into movies: The Mist, done by Frank Darabont, a strong showing with an even more brutal ending than the story; and The Raft, the best and grossest part of Creepshow 2.  And now comes the third, The Monkey, by Oz Perkins, in an absolute departure from that director's usual oeuvre.  

Here's what the movie has in common with the short story: brothers Hal and Bill; and a toy monkey that is a harbinger/brings about death, including orphaning the brothers.  What's different? Pretty much everything else, from the monkey having a drum (instead of cymbals), to Bill being a huge asshole and Hal hating him, to Hal's son Petey being a complete dickhead, to the sheer number of deaths, to how they end up getting rid of the monkey.

This is not the worst SK adaptation but it doesn't rank up there with the better ones.  Perkins has made a gleefully mean-spirited little flick, clearly relishing the opportunity to not be as moody as his prior movies.  There is a nice callback via naming the brothers' babysitter Annie Wilkes.  Some of the kills are clever and funny (lawnmower, tea kettle, snake, vape, wasps and an excellent schoolbus situation).  The Monkey isn't scary and while there are funny bits, it isn't a horror-comedy - the tone just seems a little uneven.  Nice mix of actors: Theo James, Adam Scott, Tatiana Maslany, Elijah Wood and Oz Perkins himself as "Uncle Chip."

Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #4 Final Destination: Bloodlines

 You know, I don't know if I've actually ever watched any of the Final Destination movies.  Maybe the first one, ages and ages ago.  And I've certainly seen that iconic log truck disaster scene from #2.  But from what I've read, as the series went on, it largely devolved into one splashy/grisly Rube Goldberg sequence after another.  I'd had some recommendations for the latest installment, FD:B, and thought I'd give it a go.

PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD.  The opener has young Iris and her fella, Paul, enjoying opening night at the new Skyview Tower (think Seattle Spaceneedle).  It doesn't go all that well, although better than it could have due to Iris's premonition that enables her to save folks.  But anyone who has seen a FD movie knows that you can't cheat Death.  Iris manages to survive for decades, hidden and paranoid, but then Death comes for her, picking off not only her but - because Iris was pregnant at the time of the Skyview incident - also all her descendants because they aren't supposed to exist.  Carnage ensues.  

The cold open disaster is pretty operatic, with both CGI and practicall effects.  The subsequent kills are very bloody and creative, some squirm-laugh-inducing and sometimes just squirm-inducing.  While it certainly sticks to the formula that made the series famous, FD:B is fun, splashily gory, funny and shows sparks of heart, including a poignant send-off to Tony Todd in his last on-screen role.  Dunno if I'll seek out the rest of them, but this most recent one is worth the time.

Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #3 Death of a Unicorn

Here's the best thing about Death of a Unicorn: its cast.  Paul Rudd, Jenna Ortega, Richard E. Grant, Tea Leoni, Will Poulter, Anthony Carrigan.  The rest of everything about this movie? Bad.  It's pretty bad.

As father (PR) and daughter (JO) are on their way to meet with PR's ultrawealthy clients, they hit a baby unicorn with their car.  They don't kill it - although they think they do after PR tries to put it out of its misery with a tire iron - and they put it into their car, rather than leaving it on the side of the road.  That evening, it becomes evident that unicorn blood has healing powers, having splashed all over PR and JO during the tire iron incident, and subsequently curing her acne and his nearsightedness and allergies.  The client family are pharma-douches, and the patriarch (REG) is dying from cancer, so when the baby unicorn busts its way out of their car, they kill it (again) to use its blood to cure him.  Everyone is very excited about all the money they're going to make - except for JO, who is sad - and they don't notice the parent unicorns coming to avenge their baby.

The unicorns are all CGI (there may have been one practical effect late in the game for a closeup) and it's very bad.  It isn't scary and because the CGI is so awful, the gore is lame too, except for when TL gets her guts pulled out by the papa unicorn.  Will Poulter is quite good and funny as the insufferable rich kid but Paul Rudd seems miscast.  Terrible movie with really nothing to redeem it, cannot recommend.  I mean, this poster is cool though.

Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #2 Heart Eyes

 I have a friend from grade school (!!!!) who has been urging me to watch Heart Eyes.  We both love horror movies, and although they have a higher tolerance for jump scares and really nasty stuff than I do, and they didn't like Midsommar (!!!?!), I tend to seek out their recommendations.  It's on Netflix, for those interested.

The movie dives right into it: over the past couple of years, a serial killer has been targeting couples on Valentine's Day in different cities.  Now it's February 14 in Seattle, and the ol' Heart Eyes Killer (or "HEK" for short) is at it again, making mincemeat of a couple in their tacky, staged "surprise" proposal at a local winery.  The bride-to-be gets squishy in a grape press, to good effect.  Oh.  Spoiler.

Going on at the same time, Alli is struggling in her advertising job and her ruthless boss has brought in a ringer, Jay.  Of course, just before the big meeting, Alli and Jay have a meet-cute in a coffee shop, so things are awkward.  Jay asks Ally out for dinner so they can work on the replacement ad pitch and while they're there, HEK picks them out for murderin'.  "But we're not a couple!" they shriek, as the maniac chases them.

Heart Eyes is pretty cute for a horror film, billed as a horror rom-com.  While it isn't scary or even at all tense, some of the kills are pretty bloody.  I thought the killer's mask was cool with its light-up eyes.  I liked the female lead and it was nice to see Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster pop up as detectives investigating the Seattle HEK murders, in callbacks to some late 90s/early 00s horror (Final Destination and The Faculty, respectively.

Sixteenth Annual FMS Scarelicious October Movie Series: #1 Longlegs

We ended last year's October movie series with a Nicolas Cage movie and by heck we're going to start this year's off with one too!

After young FBI agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe, from It Follows) has an accurate and unusual hunch right before her partner gets killed, she gets reassigned to a serial killer case.  The senior agent (Blair Underwood) is hoping her sixth sense will help them solve the string of ten different families being murdered under very strange circumstances.  More than that, Harker finds that she is connected to the case, which is confirmed by a recently re-awakened mental patient (Kiernan Shipka) and Harker's own mother (Alicia Witt), who seems just this side of disturbed herself.

Nicolas Cage plays Longlegs, the Big Bad (NOT A SPOILER), of course.  He is nearly unrecognizable under the make-up and he is very creepy.  Maika Monroe is terrific: tense, angular, innocent, awkward, horrified, contained.

Written and directed by Osgood Perkins (Psycho's Anthony Perkins's kid), Longlegs is unsettling,  moody, slowly paced and weird as fuck, punctuated with startling bursts of violence.  Oz Perkins is making a name for himself with sophisticated, uber-atmospheric horror: see also The Blackcoat's Daughter, I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House, Gretel & Hansel).  And this one is at the top of the list. 

August reads

It's only September 6 and already August seems so long ago.  Here's what I read way back when.

• Senseless by Ronald Malfi.  A horror thriller set in Los Angeles, this has three storylines that sort of come together at the end.  One follows a cop, trying to solve some gruesome murders; one follows a soon-to-be trophy wife whose soon-to-be husband isn't quite who he says he is; and the third is about a mentally unstable dude who thinks he's a human fly.  Didn't love it.
• The Ruins by Scott Smith.  Way back in 2008, I reviewed the movie made out of this horror novel.  The book is decent and now I feel like I want to see the movie again.
• This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger.  An American epic, loosely based on Homer's Odyssey, about four Great Depression-era orphans escaping from a Native American boarding school.  Pretty good.
• Spider Woman's Daughter by Anne Hillerman.  The author, daughter of Tony Hillerman, continues her dad's Leaphorn and Chee series with a focus on Navajo policewoman Bernadette Manualito, Jim Chee's wife, out to solve the case after Joe Leaphorn is shot.
• Maisie Dobbs by Jacqueline Winspear.  In which I discover the wonderful British murder mystery series with psychologist and investigator Maisie Dobbs at the center.  This first book introduces us to the remarkable Maisie, who worked her way up from household help to WWI nurse to astute investigator.  In addition to the protagonist being a great character, I am not as familiar with the Great War as I should be, so the history is interesting too.  Loved it.  And am now working my way through the rest of the series.
• Birds of a Feather by Jacqueline Winspear.  Several years later, Maisie has now set up shop for herself, hired an assistant, Billy Beale, whom she first met as a nurse during the war, and is hired to track down a runaway heiress.  Loved it.
• Pardonable Lies by Jacqueline Winspear.  In the third book of the series, Maisie is forced to revisit her time in France during the war when she is hired to prove that her clients' son really died in combat.  Again, loved it.
• Shadowland by Peter Straub.  Described as "if Harry Potter were written for adults," this one has boarding school, malevolent sorcerors, blood and carnage.  When I was reading it whilst waiting for a car inspection, the cashier gushed about how much she loved it.  I was more meh about it.
• Malice House by Megan Shepherd.  Horror fantasy with art and books.  Protagonist and broke artist Haven has to clean out her famous author dad's home (the titular Malice House) after his death.  She uncovers a hitherto unknown manuscript containing new fairytales and decides to craft illustrations for some posthumous publishing.  Then things start going bump in the night.
• The Paleontologist by Luke Dumas.  Abducted sisters, creepy museums and dinosaurs.  I mean, what more do you need?
• Messenger of Truth by Jacqueline Winspear.  This time, now in 1931, Maisie is hired to investigate the death of a controversial artist.  Meanwhile, Britain is struggling with the legacy of WWI at home and the growing unrest in Germany and Italy.  I didn't love this one quite as much as the first three, but still quite, quite good.  I do love a British murder mystery.

There are eighteen Maisie Dobbs books (so far), so expect more of that to come.  

July reads

 Of the nine books I read in July, I really liked three of them and didn't hate any.  That's pretty good, right?

• Sunshine by Robin McKinley.  Magical humans, conflicted vampires, delicious pastry - I loved this award-winning fantasy.
• Just the Nicest Couple by Mary Kubica.  Since I had mostly liked Local Woman Missing, I thought I'd try another one by Kubica.  Didn't like this thriller as much but it was okay.  (Spoiler: they're not really the nicest.)
• The Butcher's Daughter by Corinne Leigh Clark and David Demchuk.  The "hitherto untold story of Mrs. Lovett," from Sweeney Todd.  I thought this was great fun, grim and dire and funny and bloody.
• Phaedra by Laura Shepperson.  There sure do seem to be a lot of new novels retelling/re-interpreting Greek myths these days.  I used to be obsessed with Greek mythology growing up so I am enjoying revisiting the stories this way.  This novel is a much more woman-positive retelling of Phaedra's story than most.
• William by Mason Coile.  This novella is part of my local library's summer reading program so I just picked it up on a whim.  Psychological horror + robots.  Not my favorite but it wasn't long.
• Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher.  This is the third one that I just loved, a fantasy/fairy tale about the third daughter who must complete impossible tasks to save her older sister from an evil husband.  What it really is about, however, is found family.
• Thornhedge by T. Kingfisher.  Another fairy tale, this time a hero-swapped version of Sleeping Beauty.  
• The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo.  A historical fantasy, set in Madrid during the Spanish Inquisition, this one focuses on Luzia, a Jewish servant who has to hide both her faith and her magic.  Most online reviews describe this one as a "slow burn," and I would agree with that; it took me a while to get into it but I was down for the ride by the end.
• Survivor by Tabitha King.  (Yes, TK is Stephen King's wife.)  After an automobile accident, Kissy Mellors's life is changed irrevocably.  This one felt like it could have used some ruthless editing.  There's no real plot to speak of, just meandering along through the protagonists' lives; Kissy (oh god I hate that name) makes terrible, inexplicable decisions about men and has lots of fairly explicit s3x (which is fine, but just be warned); and the very ending seems abrupt and from a totally different book.  Meh.