Sookie and Alcide go up to her bedroom and start taking each other's clothes off. But before things can get truly nekkid, she upchucks on his boots and Bill and Eric are there to see it, leering from the doorway. They have come to enlist Sookie's mind-reading powers to help find Russell, hoping she can de-glamor Alcide's construction worker (Doug) who witnessed Russell's rescue. Alcide doesn't want his employees mixed up in vampire bullshit and he and the two vampires start yelling at each other. Sookie just starts laughing, somewhat hysterically, as she realizes her life will never be normal. "Come on, let's go hunt Russell. Into the jaws of death ...!"
Lafayette rushes back to his house, feeling extremely guilty about having cursed Sookie's car. He tries a quick prayer but all the little gods and idols on his altar come to live and mock him until he freaks out and smashes them. He asks Jesus (his former lover, not the - you know - son of God) for a sign. He gets it that night: a vision of Jesus's severed head, lips sewn shut. The same vision appears to Lafayette's crazy mama and she promises Jesus's head that she'll tell her son what he needs to know. Meanwhile, out in North Dakota (or wherever, who cares), the bunker guy ties up Terry and Patrick. Blah blah blah he's all tormented about what they did back in Iraq blah blah blah he tells them that they've been cursed by an ifrit (evil fire demon) sent by the last village woman Terry killed (under orders from Patrick) blah blah blah he lets them go but just as they're all climbing out of the bunker, the ifrit appears and burns up the bunker guy. Terry and Patrick run like hell. The CGI ifrit is laughable and this storyline just sucks.
Back in Bon Temps, Jason has a weird dream about his dead parents and wakes up, startled to find himself naked; on the other side of town, Andy also wakes up naked - apparently the fairy bouncers took their clothes when they threw them out of the fairy club? Anyway, Andy and Jason have been called to investigate the murder of Sam's two shifter friends. Andy interviews Sam, asking if there's anything hinky he needs to know. Sam admits they're all shifters. They find some wooden bullets and surmise that the murderers maybe were after all kinds of supernatural beings, like vampires, and not just shifters. Jason thinks that all this trouble started when the vampires came out of the coffin - he's getting amped up about vampires having killed his parents. Sam goes to Luna's house to tell her what happened to their friends. She is stunned and can't think who would have wanted to hurt them. When he is leaving, a truckload full of masked rednecks drives up and shoots him in the stomach. Luna runs out and gets shot too. Before Sam loses consciousness, Emma runs out of the house, screaming for her mother. Before the rednecks can shoot her too, she changes into that cute little wolf [husky] puppy and runs off into the woods.
At Fangtasia, Pam has dressed Tara up in a bedazzled bustier and tells her to get behind the bar and pour drinks. Tara's all, so basically I'm your slave. When she leans in to bite a human who is flirting with her, Pam grabs her by the throat and promises to silver and gut her if she does that again - in private is fine, but not out in public. Pam tosses Tara aside just as Jessica walks in. The red-headed vampire immediately feels some empathy for what the newest bloodsucker is going through. Over a couple of drinks, Jessica reaches out to Tara and after some initial, typical Tara resistance, Tara opens up. It's very cute, these two baby vampires, bonding over how all the old ones like Bill and Pam just don't get it. They decide to be friends, which would totally work until Hoyt shows up, ridiculous in guyliner. Tara ends up sucking off his neck in the bathroom; Jessica is in the next stall, drinking another human and she hears Hoyt ask Tara to slow down. Suddenly insane with jealous rage, she attacks Tara, pulling her off Hoyt and crashing through the doors into the bar proper. The two baby vamps proceed to beat the shit out of each other while Pam watches from across the room, bemused.
Sookie gets some images from Doug's glamored brain, figuring out that a female member of the Authority is the one who dug Russell up. Bill turns on Eric immediately, sure that it must have been Nora. Eric's all, I never told her about Russell so back the fuck off, Bill. (Back at Authority HQ, the chancellors are getting impatient and Salome issues orders that Bill and Eric have until morning to find Russell or they're to be staked. Molly (Tina Majorino) calls them to let them know that their countdown has started - their iStakes are set to go off at dawn - and if they don't make it, it's been "rad" serving them.) Sorting through Doug's fuzzy memories, Sookie leads the group to an abandoned lunatic asylum and they start searching. Doug is scared, remembering carrying a badly-burned Russell through the corridors. They find a bunch of severed body parts and drained humans. They also find a room full of humans, alive but strung up in straightjackets and dangling from hooks. The humans all scream and chatter, begging to be released.
While the Guardian - his name is actually Roman, so I can stop calling him "the Guardian" - drones on in voice-over, Sookie, Alcide, Bill and Eric keep searching. They finally find Russell, wan and pale on a hospital gurney. He drawls that it's about time they found him, "What an infernal racket you people have been makin'!" I have missed Russell Edgington. Eric looms over him, saying that he's here to finish what he started. As werewolves growl from the corridor and Alcide and Sookie look around worriedly, Russell just grins and tells the Viking to give it his best shot.
Previously on True Blood / next time on True Blood
11 minutes ago